Month 2, Day 27, 11 DPO

Still waiting. Tomorrow will be the big test day. Although, I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. It may still be too early. From reading the TCOYF book (everyone should really read by the way), it says that your lutal phase never varies more than 1 day on either side. I've only completed 1 month of charting, so for me this means that my Lutal Phase could be from 11 to 14 days long. (If 12 is my average it could be 11 or 13, if 12 was 1 day less than average it could be 13 or 14 too. So anyway, testing at 12 DPO may be a little early. Conservatively, if not pregnant, the absolute latest AF could come would be Saturday. I'll test tomorrow because finding out on New Year's eve would be cool. If negative, I'll probably test again on Friday.

I feel pretty good about it this month. Today I had a beautiful high temperature, 98.3. That's my highest post-O temp after excluding the one 98.6 that was effected by outside factors. So we will see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully, a BFP (big fat positive) for me and no AF for Erica. (I'm hoping for no AF, because that could mean that her ovulation was delayed because of stress, etc. and not that she has normally perfect cycles with no ovulation.)

Month 2 Day 25, 9 DPO

Ok, so here's the baby scoop from the long weekend. I was right that Christmas has helped keep my impatience to a minimum. I'm still feeling pretty confident, but am dying for the chance to take this test. As of now I'm planning on testing the day my period is due rather than waiting until it's a day late, unless I have any negative indications with my temps. Last month they dropped below the coverline on both 11 DPO and 12 DPO and then AF came on 13 DPO.

My temp taking was fairly consistant while traveling, although I took it about a half hour early on Christmas Day and 12/26. On Friday, I was a little nervous because it dropped below the coverline. My coverline is at 97.7 and my post-O temps have been between 97.8 and 98.1 (that's leaving out the one fluke at 98.6 and the dip I'm describing now). On Friday it was down to 97.6, but it came back up to 98.0 the next day. If I turn out to be pregnant, I think it could have been an implantation dip, as it was 7 DPO. I also felt a little crampy on Christmas Day.

Only 4 more days to wait. I also picked up the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book by Terri Weschler (maybe spelled wrong). It's awsome so far. I agree that everyone needs to read this regardless of whether they are trying to get pregnant or not. We'll see how it goes, but I may consider using the FAM (Fertility Awarness Method) as birth control after I have a baby. It's nice to think I may not have to deal with the hormonal changes the Pill causes. The upside, if I don't get pregnant this month, I've learned more to use next month.

I can't wait to get filled in on Erica's situation on Monday. From what I've read in this book, it doesn't seem possible that she hasn't ovulated over the past 4 cycles. She's been way too regular for that. She thought that she possibly ovulated last Sunday, Day 19, but that's the last I heard from her. I'm kind of hoping stress caused her to ovulate late this month (holidays, sister situation, etc.), that would cause AF to be "late" this month. That makes more since to me then her not ovulating at all for 4 months, but still having AF like clockwork. It just doesn't add up to me.

Ok, I should probably go to bed. I'm hoping for another high temp tomorrow. Maybe a really high one and we'll see if I can get a triphasic chart.

Christmas Update

Have you missed me? It's been a crazy long weekend. Although good. Eric and I did our Christmas on Tuesday night 12/23. He spoiled me and I loved it. I got a beautiful diamond necklace and a pair of gold hoop earings that I had wanted. Also the white athletic socks and 2004 Pug calendar I wanted. My gifts for him weren't quite as perfect and we spent today returning them and he picked up 5 DVD's that he wanted. I also let him buy us 2 tickets for the Indianapolis Colts playoff game in Round 1, so it looks like we'll be heading back to Indiana next weekend.

On Christmas Eve I worked until 12:30 p.m. (whew, I got a lot done too) and Eric worked until about 3:30 p.m. We hit the road at 4:15 p.m. and arrived at Grandma's around 8:00 p.m. It was nice, Mom, Dad, and Jeremy were already there. Mom also finished my wedding scrapbook (after 2 1/2 years) and it's wonderful. Christmas morning we got up and did Christmas with my Mom and Dad and brother. We haven't done that in a while. Mom got me a nice bookshelf stereo system for work (although I'll probably end up keeping it at home, it's really cool.) and Eric got his favorite gift of the holiday, a authintic Marvin Harrison Colts jersey. He really raked in the Colts gear. Christmas day there were a ton of people at Grandma's house. All of my aunt's and uncles came, only one cousin, spouse and children were missing. Let's see that's 31 people and 3 dogs. Christmas night we went to see Cheaper by the Dozen (good family movie) and then spent the night in a hotel with my parents.

On Friday, we got up and headed to Bloomington to my brother-in-laws house. We got there around 10:30 a.m. and spent the day with my Donna, Kyle, Ashton, and Logan. Leslie had to work until 6, but then came home and we spent the evening. We had our gift exchange there and it was very nice.

Saturday, we volunteered to watch the kids while Kyle and Leslie went to work and after loading up the car and stopping to feed the baby her breakfast, headed to Eric's Dad's house. I think we did ok on baby sitting. Between the two of us, we changed 3 diapers, and fed the baby both baby food and formula. I also changed her outfit once. Oh yeah, we're ready. Saturday afternoon we did another gift exchange. My favorite gift from that exchange was a journal chest. It's kind of like a hope chest, but it comes with a journal and some ideas of what things to keep and you are supposed to journal yearly. That will be nice to get started.

Saturday night we left around 7:00 p.m. and headed for home. We got in right around 11:00 p.m . and thankfully got to sleep in our own bed. Holidays are nice, but it's good to be home.

Month 2, Day 19 - 3 DPO

It's official. After 3 days of elevated temps. I ovulated on Friday. Now to wait. Testing dates are confusing to me. If I still have a 12 day lutal phase my period is expected on January 1. I may test on January 2. Hopefully the next 10 days will go quickly. With Christmas and New Year's in between, it should go fast.

Month 2, Day 17

Ok, so I think I may have ovulated yesterday. It's three days earlier than last month, but I had a definate temperature spike today. All of my temps this month have been between 97.2 and 97.7. To detect ovulation, you look for a temp .2 degrees higher than the previous six days. For me that would have been 97.8 since my highest temp in the last 6 days was 97.6. This morning it was 97.9. To confirm ovulation, I'll have to monitor and make sure they stay up there for the next three days to be sure it wasn't just a fluke temperature. I was planning on Monday being my O-day, so I was planning on spending this weekend focusing on the trying part. I'm ok with it if it was Friday though, since last Saturday, we've been doing the every other day thing so I'm pretty sure we were in the window. It will be interesting. Since the lutal phase doesn't usually change, if I did ovulate on Friday I'll have a 28 day cycle this month. That means that AF will now be due on 1/1/04 and I'll see if I can wait to test until 1/2/04. Very interesting. I'll update more after I see what my temps do tomorrow.

Month 2, Day 15

I don't know why, but around this time of month, I tend to get a little frustrated and think about throwing in the towel. Not sure why, but I feel like it's not going to happen. That doesn't make since, since I haven't even ovulated yet, but it feels like a lot of pressure. I just don't like this in between stage. If I was pregnant I could concentrate on that. If I wasn't trying, I could go full force at the diet and exercise plan. Now, I'm just sort of wishy-washy. Hopefully, this stage won't last too long.

I see my friend Kim at work who reminds me of where I would be with my first baby. It seems like it's going to fast. April seems so close. Then sometimes I'm glad that I'm not pregnant yet, because it would be almost over. I suppose that's just because I haven't had all the experiences that go along with being pregnant. I want to enjoy all of those moments. That probably doesn't make any since to anyone but me, but oh, well.

Currently, things are still going as planned. My temps are still staying steady, so I am definately a later ovulator. Eric and I have been prepared in case it happens earlier, but I I'm still expecting either late this weekend or Monday. Then the hard waiting game begins.

Month 2, Day 12

It's been a busy weekend. Friday I did the necessary chores around the house including grocery shopping and laundry. Saturday, I went to a cookie exchange party at my neighbors which was really fun, but lasted from about 12 to 4, and was murder on my eating habits. I also had to make the dough and stuff beforehand and felt like sleeping in, so I skipped the workout. From 7 to 10 we had the Christmas Party at the bosses house, which was fun. We may have found a new couple to befriend. There's a fairly new guy in my office and I got to meet his new wife of 6 weeks. She was cool and Eric liked the guy I work with, so we may try to get together sometime. Sunday, I went to church with my neighbor, then after church we brought home the church ladder to change our entryway lightbulbs. That was an adventure, but we got it done. Sunday night the Survivor season finale was on, so that took up the whole evening. None of my favorites won, but at least John didn't either, so that's cool by me.

Ok, the baby subject. I've had a pretty relaxing first two weeks (almost) of this cycle. I haven't been freaking out about how often and when to try. I'm using last cycle as a guideline and feel like I'm just now coming up on the time where trying becomes important. My expected ovulation date is in 1 week, next Monday. I can really only worry about it until Tuesday, because then we're out of town from Wednesday night until Sunday. Another good thing is the hard waiting time will be in the midst of Christmas and New Year's so maybe I'll be too busy to obsess. I'm fairly confident this time, that we'll be able to time things better. Last month, I was so worried about missing ovulation time that by the time it finally got here (Day 19) we were sort of burnt out on the trying frequency. We'll see what happens.

Well, lunch is over and I have work to do.

Month 2, Day 7

I've been posting so much in my Diet/Fitness blog that it seems like I'm neglegting this one. Although, I just posted yesterday... I think it's good I'm focusing on getting in shape again, at least that's something else to concentrate on this month. I'll need to start gearing up for the "trying" phase again. I don't really want it to be, but it kind of becomes a different mindset. If I was a "normal" girl, I could be ovulating in about a week. I'm thinking it will be closer to last month so I've still got about a week and a half, but I think I should at least be semi-prepared in case I'm early. I'm thinking this is Month 2 and 2 was my lucky month last time. Ok, I really don't have anything interesting to write about and it's about bed time, so I'll end for today. Hopefully next week will start to get more interesting on the baby front.

Random Thoughts

I was doing some baby related thinking today. Waiting is hard. Sometimes I think God makes us wait (teaches us patience) so we will really appreciate things when they come to us. Before trying to conceive I never imagined that I would have difficulties or lose a baby. Actually, I thought more about NOT being able to get pregnant than losing a baby. The thought of a miscarriage never entered my mind. Even when I got pregnant, I could read the scary parts of the What to Expect book and not really worry. I was more concerned about the changes happening to my body, than to worry about the life inside me. Now I think about that. The longer I wait to conceive again, the more I worry that I'll be scared while I'm pregnant. Initially I thought, that I would be able to relax after I make it to the first Dr. appointment and I get to see the heart beat. That didn't happen last time. I still hope that's true. I'm not usually a worrier and I don't want to spend 9 months being afraid. I want to enjoy every moment.

I think another example of my fear is considering when I want to tell people I'm pregnant again. Of course I'll tell my family and close friends. Although, last time I made a big deal and it was special the way I told my parents. Now they know we're trying and we discuss it throughout the month. There are a couple of people I'm close to at work that I will probably tell immediately. (Tammy, Kim, and Heidi, probably Kristin too, since I dragged her into my feminine cycle so she knows when I'm expected AF). I think the rest of the workplace will wait until after the first trimester, well at least until I have that first doctor appointment. I'm not sure why I want to wait. If I lose another, I'd want them to know, but I think I'd kind of like to have my little secret for a while. We'll see what happens, I thought I'd wait a couple of weeks last time, and I told everyone within 3 days.

This post is starting to get long, so I'll make this my final thought for now. I think about Erica alot. If I could say a little prayer (I already did earlier) my hope is that Erica gets pregnant first. I'd love for it to happen the same month. This one is fine, as we'd have the same due date, but if only one of us gets it, I want it to be her. When there's something you want very badly, time seems to almost stand still. This is month 4 for her which must seem like an eternity. It seems right that she's been trying longer, so she should get it first. (Technically, I've been trying longer if you count the first one, but I think the counting starts over). I also pray that my experiences won't rob any of the innocence and excitement from her. I'm a little scared about getting pregnant again, but I don't want her to have any fear. Ideally, this will be the month for both of us and we can be amazed together as we count down the weeks. It only seems right that we would have babies very close together, since we were born only days apart.

Ok, I'm really done now. It just feels good to get your thoughts down sometimes.

Month 2, Day 6

Tammy just came into the office with Jonathan. Yep, I still want one.

My Journey to Fitness

I took Danialle's example and started a Diet/Exercise blog. The link is attached. I'm thinking making it public will make me more likely to stick to the program. I think I really mean it this time. I'm even planning on getting up early and going to the gym before work. I wonder how that will affect my temp reading. I guess I'll start taking it earlier every day, so days I go to the gym in the a.m. won't affect my readings. Whew, this could be complicated.

Month 2, Day 4

This is my usual Sunday evening recap. Nothing really exciting going on, except I started coming down with a cold yesterday and now it's here. Since, I know I'm not pregnant right now, I'm taking cold medicine and that makes me feel better.

I didn't do that workout yesterday, although I'm still planning on dieting this week. A cold usually makes me less hungry, so that should help a bit.

I finished up my Christmas shopping yesterday. Yeah! Now I just have to be patient before giving all my gifts away. It's been a pretty quiet weekend, not too much to report. I'm just procrastinating instead of wrapping gifts right now. I better get to it.

I'll check in later this week.

Day 1

Yes, that's right. I had a vistitor this afternoon. One more positive from charting, I kind of expected it. It's also interesting that my Lutal Phase was only 12 days. They only consider it a problem if it's under 10, but I'll be curious to see if it's always 12 days. Supposedly, that doesn't change. Hopefully, I won't be able to find out because I'll be pregnant next month, but we'll see. Also, interesting that this cycle was 31 days. Is it a pattern?

For sure, the dieting is starting Monday. I'm going to attempt to jump start it with a workout on Saturday. I'm going to try to be strict too. Especially no sweets!

Ok, Erica, we have the same LMP now. Let's see what happens in December.

Day 32, 13 DPO

I don't think this is the month. :( As you can see from the title of the post, no AF yet, but I'm guessing that could change by the end of the day or tomorrow. Today was my 3rd day in a row with temps below coverline, and I actually dipped again today to my average post-O temp. Despite still feeling a little nauseous, I also feel incredibly fat and a tiny bit crampy. I trust the temps and that AF will be here soon.

Positives:
- If AF shows up today, that will officially make this a 31 day cycle and I would have had 2 in a row the same length.
- By charting, I know I ovulated.
- By charting, I didn't take tests early, and therefore, didn't waste any money this month (on tests at least)
- I won't be having an August baby. (Not that September will be any cooler).
- I have at least 1 more month where I'm allowed to diet and see if I can shed some weight.

Ok, got to work.

Day 30, 11 DPO

Not a whole lot happening this week. I've had a lot to keep me busy at work. Turns out this week is going faster than expected. Yesterday, I finished up a lot of the paperwork from our 12/1 renewal, and then today I kept having little questions or issues pop up that I had to deal with. Today was also Eric's birthday, so we went out to dinner. Tomorrow, will be a pretty worthless day at work. I have a continuing education class on Policy Checking (fun stuff) from 9:30 to noon. Then my boss is picking me up by my house at 3:15 p.m to head to Cincinnati for a client Christmas Dinner. Cocktails start at 6:00 p.m., so it looks like it will be a long night. We are driving back though, so at least that won't eat up my Thursday. Thursday, we have some college students in the office interviewing, so I have to go to a lunch to discuss life as a recent grad. I wonder how long, I get that title? I've been out of school for about 2 1/2 years now.

I was supposed to start dieting with my girls this week. They are doing good, but I'm a complete failure. Caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror this afternoon, and can I say UGGH. I didn't realize how much I'd miss that BFL body. I know it's just a matter of will, but I seem to be having problems with that lately. I'm going to try to be reasonable in December, but told Eric that our New Year's resolutions will be to get back in shape. He's gained back about 25 of the 35 pounds he lost this year. Sigh... At least we are getting fat together, so neither of us can really complain.

Nothing has changed on the baby front yet. My temperature dipped below my coverline today. I don't really know what that means. I've also felt slightly nauseous the past two evenings. Yesterday I also had a killer headache though, which tends to make me nauseous under any circumstances, and today I spent most of the morning with my boss who was definately under the weather. He looked like Death warmed over by 4:00 p.m., so I'm not counting on that as a symptom. Mostly I just feel normal. There's really no way to tell before a pregnancy test. Any "symptoms" are only obvious in hind-sight. Only 5 more days until I can test (closer to 4 by this time of night). If this month isn't it, I'm thinking next month will be a toughie. If my cycle is a similar length of time, I'll be fertile right around Christmas time, when we'll be at a variety of relatives houses. We are NOT going to break those "rules." We may just have to wait until January. :) I guess that just gives me more time to get in shape! Better start now!

Day 28, 9 DPO

It's been a whole week since I blogged. Sorry for the delay. It's been a busy week. I spent Monday, Tuesday, and until about 1:30 p.m. on Wednesday being super busy. We managed to get everything wrapped up though, and then I have been off work the rest of the week.

Wednesday, Eric, Zeus, and I drove over to Terre Haute, Indiana to Eric's Dad's house. We got in about 9:45 p.m. and spent a couple of hours visiting. Then Thursday morning we got up and visited some more. Eric's brother and family ended up coming over to his Dad's too, so we got to see them. We don't see them a whole lot and Eric is really close to his brother, so it was really nice to see them. Also, I got to spend some time with my niece Logan. She's about 5 months old now, and so cute. The last time I saw her she was just 10 days old. Holding her and playing with her was so great, I can't wait until I have my own. We left his Dad's at about 4:30 p.m. and made it home before 9:00 p.m. Eric had to work on Friday, so we had to come back.

Friday, Eric got up for work, and I got up for shopping. I hit the stores at about 8:30 a.m. and didn't get home until 5:30 p.m. I got most of my shopping done. I still need to finish up for Eric, but everybody else is pretty much done. Eric and I met for lunch on Friday. I also spent 1 hour and 45 minutes in line at Best Buy, which was totally crazy. Shopping the day after is good because of the deals, but it can be totally crazy. I went by myself, which is cool because there's no one else to keep track of, but it would have been nice to have someone to talk to in the Best Buy line besides the angry shopper behind me.

Saturday I just tried to chill. Eric worked from 8 to 1. I slept until about 10:00 then got up and did some Christmas decorating. I got the tree up and all the inside done. We put up some outside lights today. I remembered why I like to decorate without Eric here. I got everything pretty much put up before he got home, and was taking some boxes back to the basement. Eric was standing in the living room where I put the tree and asked if I wanted to help him move some furniture around so the "design" would look better. I gave him a look, like "are you serious". After all, I spent the whole morning dragging boxes from the basement, moving furniture, and putting up the tree and decorations, and he didn't like where I put the chair. Moving the furniture would have required moving the now decorated tree, so he agree that he could live with the furniture placement for a month, and that was settled.

Sunday has been really laid back. Eric and I got to sleep in together which was very nice. Sometimes I think that's why I haven't been going to church much here. Eric works at least half of all the Saturday's every month, and I just love days where we can sleep in together. Anyway, after we got up we put up the outside decorations, then we decided to go to BW3's so Eric could watch the Colts game. After a quarter, they were losing and Eric decided we could leave, since we had to go get a couple extension cords and another light set to finish up outside. Now that it gets dark at 5:00 p.m. it limits our time to do outside stuff. We went to the grocery store and then went home and finished up lights. Then I wrapped all the gifts I bought and am just blogging. So that's what's happened in the last week.

For those who read for the baby updates, not much news yet. I found a cool website that lets you do free BBT charting called Fertility Friend. It's kind of cool. I'm on Cycle Day 28, 9 days post ovulation. I'm glad I charted or this is when I would have started taking the pregnancy tests. Now I am waiting another week. Speaking of pregnancy tests, I went ahead and picked up some for next weekend. I bought the ClearBlue Easy Digital tests. They have a read-out that says "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant", they were 3 for 14.95 at Wal-Mart. EPT was 2 for $14.95. After getting home I opened them and read a little. While the digital thing is cool, the read out disappears after an hour. That means you can't save a positive. So, I guess if I'm pregnant, I'll go buy another one and save the one with the two lines. I kind of like being able to keep your positive test. The other thing is that I wasn't sure how sensitive the digital's were. EPT detects at 40 mIUs and ClearBlue at 50 mIU, so it probably won't detect as early either, but digital is cool. Here's the website to compare pregnancy tests. So anyway, I have one more week to wait to test. I'm not sure how I feel yet. My temps aren't giving me any clear signs, I have felt tired recently, not really nauseous, no real food things, except I have been hungry, no breast changes, I seem to have broken out more lately, no mood changes. So it could be something or nothing. I guess I just have to wait.

Ok, I'm going to go hang out on the couch until bed time. Later!

Weekend Recap

I thought I'd maybe write about something other than my reproductive cycle for once. So here's my weekend. It was actually very relaxing and laid back, a perfect weekend. On Friday night I did some housework. I got caught up on the laundry and cleaned the downstairs because we were having people over on Saturday. Eric and I even steam cleaned the floors and they look tons better. Then Saturday we had some friends over to watch the OSU vs. Michigan game. It was a good time, I ordered 50 wings from BW3's, made my hamburger/cheese dip for chips, and invited 2 couples over. OSU lost the game which is disappointing because everyone in this town is so crazy over OSU, but we still had fun. Then we spent the evening with our neighbors/friends and had pizza and watched finding Nemo at their place. We see them every Thursday when we watch TV together, but it was nice to hang out and actually get to talk about something other than who we want to see voted off Survivor next. Sunday we slept in a bit and then Eric went to watch the Colts play on TV at BW3's with Martin. I stayed home played on the computer some and went to the grocery store. Then I spent most of the evening making 8 dozen yeast rolls. I tested one, and was disappointed when they weren't as good as my Mom's. I froze them and will be taking them to Thanksgiving at Eric's Dad's house. I also had a nice chat with my Mom. I'm a little sad that we won't be seeing my parent's at Thanksgiving this year. This will be my first Thanksgiving away from my family. It will be different, but I suppose Eric and his Dad are my family now too, so this is just a different way to share the holiday.

Also talking to Mom, she mentioned that Grandma reads my Blog, so I just want to say I hope I haven't embarrassed her. I know that this is a public site and that I gave my family the address, so I usually write with that in mind, but it seems a little weird that Grandma knows as much about my "sex life" as my friends. Then again, while it's not something I would probably discuss in person with her, this is what I'm feeling and this website truely reflects who I am. I'm not ashamed of anything I've written here, so I'm glad we can connect in this way. If you're reading Grandma, I love you and am glad you care enough about my life to check in. I'll give you a big hug at Christmas.

I think I'm ready for next week. I've got so much going on at work, that I'll be super busy every day. I may even be working late Monday and Tuesday. Then I'll have stuff to do at home. I need to make cookies on Tuesday night to take with us. Then probably do a couple of loads of laundry and pack. We'll leave on Wednesday when Eric gets home from work. I'd also like to organize my Christmas shopping list and knock most of that out when Eric's working on Friday and Saturday. I also will be decorating for Christmas and probably doing some Christmas crafts for presents for people at work. I also wanted to work on my GWO scrapbook. Sounds like I need more than a long weekend, but it'll be fun. I also don't mind staying busy, so the next two weeks will go by quickly. Well that's it for now. I'll try to update again before Thanksgiving if anything interesting happens.

Day 21, 2 DPO

I've officially ovulated. Not really sure how I feel about it. According to my temps, it probably happened on Friday. We really should have been together on Thursday and then I'd feel like we have a really good shot. For those keeping track, I ovulated on Day 19, which gives me a 33 day cycle and expected period on December 6th. I may try to wait until the 7th to test unless I have symptoms, because by missing Thursday, I'm guessing there's a chance we missed the window. I can't really find much information on how long sperm actually live, so I don't know if being together on Tuesday night and Friday night will work if I ovulated some time on Friday. I guess we wait 12 more days to see. I think that will actually go by pretty fast. There's nothing really to do now but wait and we have Thanksgiving week in there which will probably fly by. Wish me luck. How crazy is it that I started my period 4 days before Erica, but will have to wait a day longer than her to find out if my month worked? I wish her luck too. I read somewhere that for a normal healthy couple there's a 25% chance in any one month of getting pregnant. To me that means by Month 4 you should be close!

Day 19

Ok, so now I'm getting a little tired of this. Still no significant increase. My biggest fear is that it will happen today and Eric and I haven't been together since Tuesday. I guess we'll make sure we are today, so there's a chance that we could time it right. Last night we were just so tired. I'll be really upset if skipping that day screws up our chances this month. While I'm getting frustrated that I don't think I've ovulated yet, I'm clinging to the fact that my first period post pill was 35 days and then probably close to that for the month I got pregnant (since I had to wait so long for a positive test.) Looks like Erica and I will be finding out at about the same time in December. I wish I was a 28 day cycle. Sigh... Ovulation today will give me a 33 day cycle with a period expected on December 6th. That just seems like a long time to wait.

Day 17 - Maybe?

This morning's temp was weird. It's still not the .2 jump over the last 6 days. (See Drawing Coverline ). But it did jump .3 from yesterday. We were together last night, so if ovulation was yesterday or today it'll be cool. So now I'm looking at a 31 day cycle. This makes me realize how I could have not had a positive test until 6 weeks last time. I'm a late ovulator. I wish I could figure out how to post my chart, so other people could take a look. It's an excel spreadsheet, so if you've got any ideas, please e-mail me.

Day 16

Still no spike. I think I was just getting a little anxious, I'm usually longer than a 29 day cycle too, I'm usually around 30 to 32 days, however, my first cycle off the pill was 35 days, and then I got pregnant, so it's hard to know for sure. Anyway, ovulation today would put me at 30 days, so we're getting closer, but it still could be a couple of days. I just have to be sure not to quit trying yet. Weekends are easier, but I'll have to make sure to stay on top of it. No pun intended. :) Another good note, work is keeping me busy, so I don't really have time to sit around and obsess about it. That may change after ovulation when I have to just wait the 2 weeks out. I also want to say "Good Luck" to Erica. We're on almost the same cycle, but hers is shorter, so she should be ovulating in the next couple of days too. I'm just hoping this is our month. We'll just have to wait and see.

Day 15

I have not ovulated yet. I'm kind of glad because we've been doing a good job on "trying" so I feel like anytime I ovulate, we're in good shape. My temp dropped this morning back to 97.6, my all time low (except the one day at the cabin), maybe this is the dip before my spike? Anyway, we've been together for 7 of the last 14 days so I feel like I'm in good shape if I ovulate soon. I've decided I like charting. I won't start looking for my period until 14 days post ovulation, so right now I'm expecting at least a 29 day cycle (if temps spike tomorrow). That would mean December 3rd would be the earliest I'd test.

Weekend Update

It's been a good weekend, although I don't think I'm ready to go back to work. Friday night was kind of dull, since I spent all night studying for my first CPCU exam (Chartered Property Casualty Underwriter). I procrastinated and hadn't read the texts and my essay exam was on Saturday morning. This exam was on the Foundations or Risk Management and Insurance though, so I figured I knew most of the material, since that is my job and I've already completed my ARM designation (Associate in Risk Management), but I spent Friday night cramming.

Saturday I got up went to take the test. I think I did pretty good, although I have to wait 6 weeks for them to grade it and send me my scores. That was a relief to finish. I think I've been stressed about the test because I keep doing other things when I should have been studying, and now I don't have to feel guilty about doing other things. Saturday afternoon I went shopping with Samara. I didn't buy much, but it was nice to catch up and spend some time with her. We've both had stuff going on and haven't seen each other in about a month, although we do talk on the phone a couple times a week. Saturday night, our husbands caught up with us and we went to BW3's for wings and then to the movies to see Elf. It was cute and turned out to be a nice evening.

Sunday has been really laid back. I slept in and then have just done laundry, I even ironed my sheets! I also paid some bills and updated my excel budget spreadsheet. Then I've been doing some thinking about Christmas. I really need to figure out what I'm getting people and start shopping soon. I have some ideas, but won't share here since I'm not sure and may be doing some gifts for people reading this board.

As far as the baby subject goes, I'm really pretty focused right now. I did some more reading on the Cervical Mucusand Cervical Position stuff your supposed to do in conjunction with BBT to help predict ovulation. While I haven't been checking and charting this month, I have started paying attention to the mucus lately. Today especially there's seem to be a whole lot of it. Yesterday I tried to check my cervical position for the first time. I found it, but with nothing to compare it to, I'm not sure what it means. It was kind of cool though, because I could feel the slit where the opening is. Maybe next month I'll chart that stuff too (if this month is unsuccessful, that is). I still haven't had my temperature spike. I thought it was going to this morning, as Saturday I hit 98.0, the highest yet. Then this morning it was 97.7, so not really a jump. I think for me to know it spiked, I'll have to hit 98.2 at least.

Well, I'll write tomorrow if my temp spikes, but that's it for now.

Stole this from Erica

I just stole Erica's sidebar 'cause I think it's a great idea. Abbreviations mean: LMP - Last Menstrual Period, EDO-Estimated Date of Ovulation, ENP-Estimated Next Period, DOC-Days in Cycle.

The only one I'm sure of is LMP. Estimated date of ovulation is based on a 28 day cycle. The next period is based on 31 days, and 31 days is based on how long it took me to get a period after my D&C. My cycles have always been regular, but a little longer than the 28 day average. I'm guessing 30 to 31 days. So, it's a little difficult to know when I'm "late". Good for the HPT industry.

Day 11

I started a similar post about 2 days ago and then my computer just turned off in the middle of it. Maybe it's good that that post didn't get published because it had a lot of kind of sad feelings about babies, pregnancy etc. Speaking of babies, I may get to go see Jonathan again today. That will be cool. I wonder how much bigger his now. He's 2 weeks old. I'm still working diligently towards my goal of Motherhood. I'm sad to say that last night we were together for the sole purpose of trying to conceive. Neither one of us was in the mood, but we are trying to be together every 2 to 3 days and it was on day 3. Although, without giving too many details, (I know Mom reads this), we were ok with the decision by the time we were done. :)

I don't really know why, but I think I've very close to ovulation point. That really doesn't make since to me, since I usually have a little longer than 28 day cycle, I would think I ovulate after day 14, but something makes me think I'm earlier. I had a migraine three days in a row Monday-Wednesday. I've read that hormone induced migraines can be either at the time of your period when hormone levels drop or during ovulation when they spike. My BBT charting has also been interesting. It's been pretty stable except for the 2 days we were at the cabin. My first 3 days of charting it was 97.6 degrees, then Saturday morning at the cabin it dropped to 97.0. Sunday I had a spike of 97.9 then Monday through Wednesday back at home it was 97.7, so a little higher than before, but stable. Then today it went back up to 97.9. I kind of feel like tomorrow it will inch up a little more or I'll have the real spike that means I ovulated. If so, then it's a good thing we were together last night.

I'm sure it's pointless to say, but I really hope I get pregnant this month. Although I'm definately functional, I think I'm in a bit of a depression. I'm usually such a happy positive person, and although there hasn't been a complete reversal, I feel like every happiness still has a little shadow. I'm really tired of that, I want to be truely happy again. I hope being pregnant will do that for me. It's what I want most. When Eric asked me what I wanted for Christmas, the only thing I can think of is to be pregnant. He's doing his best, but I definately won't be finding out at Christmas. If this month works I could find out as soon as Dec 1, but definately by Dec 8. If not, it will be January for the next month.

I'll post more if anything exciting happens.

Weekend Recap

It's been kind of busy the past few days so I haven't had time to post. The weekend getaway was pretty good. All the alone time and being with my sweetie was great, but I would probably pick a different location next time. Actually this location wouldn't have been bad if we would have done some research in advance and had some things to do.

We got to the castle on Friday at about 7:30 p.m. We checked in and got to check out the cottage. It was nice, but definately more on the rugged cabin end of the spectrum than posh hotel suite. We used the jacuzzi tub, which was fun, but the water smelled like rust and we weren't allowed to use bubbles with the jets running. The cottage came equipped with a 13" TV/VCR combo and a supply of old movies, and by old I mean 1970's or earlier. The TV was only good for watching movies, no cable.

On Saturday we went to breakfast at the castle, which was ok, considering it was included in our room rate. Then we were stuck with the what do we do question. We took a walk around the property, but it was pretty cold out, so we decided to drive to a town to look for a Blockbuster to rent a movie to watch. The nearest town (15 miles) didn't have a Blockbuster so we drove to a bigger town about 30 miles away, back towards Columbus. We found a Blockbuster and rented a movie and then decided to head over to BW3's for lunch and to watch the OSU football game. We ended up watching the whole game and then made it back to the castle around 5:00 p.m. We hung out in the cottage until dinner in the castle. We ate at a table with another couple and were served by people dressed in Midevil clothes. Dinner wasn't great, but we had snacks back in the cottage. Then we went back and watched our movie.

Sunday we just got up packed and headed home. Back in Columbus, we went to watch the Matrix Revolutions movie in a matinee and then picked up Zeus from the kennel. Overall a decent weekend and we did get a chance to have some "romantic" time in a different setting than normal.

Big Weekend

I'm looking forward to our weekend getaway this weekend. I've packed the bags and scheduled the kennel. We'll be leaving right after we get home from work and take Zeus to the kennel. I'm hoping it will be a great weekend to just unwind, relax, and spend some quality time together. Some romance would be nice too. We scheduled this trip right after the loss as a sort of healing time. We seem pretty healed right now, but being together will be really nice.

I have been doing the BBT charting for 3 days now. It's kind of weird, but it's been exactly the same every day. I wonder if I'll be able to tell when it changes and I ovulate.

Got some disappointing news earlier. Erica is NOT pregnant. I really thought this was it for her. She'll try again though and sooner or later it will work. It's still early for her. On an upside, this gives us another chance to get pregnant at the same time. Our periods were only 4 days apart so we could both get pregnant this month. That would be cool.

Day 3

I'm getting focused and ready to start "trying" again. This morning I remembered to take my BBT and chart it. Hopefully that will be of some help this month. If not, at least I get to make a chart and I enjoy that.

Been chatting alot with my friend Erica and am about 95% convinced that she succeeded this month. Hopefully we'll find out this weekend.

Remember Ava? (See Oct. 24 entry). Well I found a link that might help explain her intuition. It's a Chinese Gender Birth Chart . You take the Mother's age at conception and the month of conception and it tells whether the baby is a boy or girl. If Erica's pregnant now (October) and I get pregnant on this try (November) then she will have a boy and I will have a girl, like Ava predicted. Cool, huh! I tried it out and it worked for Tammy!

I also wanted to add a link for anyone interested in charting BBT to get a blank chart. The thermometer usually comes with one, but here's a link.

Day 1

Had a good weekend. Did alot of cleaning around the house. I even cleaned out the closet in the computer room, which is where we tend to throw stuff that we don't know what to do with. Eric and I also went to see Dracula at the Ballet on Saturday night. It was really good. I'm so impressed by the athleticism of the dancers. It was a good story line too, not too much foo foo dancing stuff. Eric said he'd see another ballet with me, so I figure that's a good start.

If you want an explanation of the heading, today is Day 1 if I get pregnant this month. Yes, that's right, I started my period. I'm kind of excited, because Friday was 4 weeks (28 days), so I really started pretty quickly. Eric and I are going away this weekend, but I think it's too early for conception. It will still be nice to just get away and be together though. The week of the 17th is probably our best bet. I think the safest thing is probably just to be fairly consistent all month long.

One more week until we found out how Erica did this month. I read her blog and it seems like it's a possibility. She's had some strange food experiences and mentioned that's she's had trouble sleeping. I'm not sure if it relates, but I had trouble sleeping right before I found out I was pregnant. Doesn't really seem like it should be a symptom, but who knows.

We'll keep you posted.

Jonathan's Here!

I got to go see the baby at lunch today. He was so cute. I took pictures, but since he's not my baby, I probably shouldn't post them. Jonathan Dillon was born last night at 9:42 p.m. weighing in at 8lbs. 7 oz. and 22 inches long. Everyone is doing great and they are sooo happy. Congrats Tammy!

Tammy's Having Her Baby!

Unfortunately we haven't gotten much of an update here at the office, but we do know that Tammy's in labor. Yesterday at the doctor they stripped her membranes (sounds like fun). This morning she woke up and was leaking amniotic fluid. She called her doctor and went to the office. When he went to do the internal exam, her water broke. Then she called on her way to the hospital and wasn't having contractions yet. I was considering going to the hospital tonight to see her, but probably won't if we don't hear that the baby is born before 5:00 p.m. I will go tomorrow though, either during lunch or after work. I'm so excited! I'll provide the details tomorrow.

Wednesday Already?!

I can't believe how time flies. I have the intention of updating frequently, but I've been pretty busy. Work is keeping me extremely busy, but it's good. The only downside is that I don't have as much time to do miscellaneous personal things at work, but I suppose that isn't the point of going to work anyway.

I've been planning away for our next GWO, which I get to host. I've already added about 1/2 a day to the festivities by asking the girls to come in the night before. I've got meals planned and some shopping ideas. Now I just have to put together the info pack to send out.

To the baby topic. My friend Tammy at work found out today that she's being induced on Monday if she doesn't go on her own before that. I'm still hoping she has a Halloween baby, but we'll see. She's officially at 38 weeks, but is measuring at 40 weeks, so it could be anytime. I made plans to go with another coworker to see her Monday night after work. I'm so excited for her. My other friend Kim went to have her first ultrasound at a high-risk specialist today. I'm waiting for her call to see how it went. She's at 14 weeks and says she's feeling flutters. Sigh...I hope I'm pregnant again before she delivers in April. It's a little hard sometimes to see her when I know she's only a week off of where I was supposed to be.

On that note, I'm hoping we can start trying again soon. I'm pretty sure I've been having some PMS symptoms this week. Either that or everyone around me has suddenly become a whole lot more annoying. This morning I asked Eric if he thought I'd been moody this week, and he answered "Yes" without hesitation. Then I snapped, "You could have thought about it!" I guess that answers my question. I'm not sure about other symptoms. I suppose anytime is fine with me.

One good note, I've been good for going on 3 days now with diet and exercise. I just wish I cared a little more. I think I have a one track mind. If I wasn't into the baby thing right now, I could go full force at the diet thing, but now I just know I want to have a baby and forget about the diet. I know it's better for me to lose some now though. I'd like the pre-pregnancy weight to be as low as possible.

That's all for now. Hopefully something interesting will happen soon and I can write about that.

Good Visit

Finally, a decent doctor's appointment. I had my follow-up appointment today after 3 weeks. When the doctor came in to see me, she asked how I was and I got a little teary and said fine, until I got here. She must think I'm a nut since I break into tears every time I see her. She asked if I had any questions and I did. Number 1, I have a friend that is sure that my miscarriage had something to do with getting pregnant quickly after quitting the pill. Everything I've read suggests that the only reason some doctors have you wait a couple of months is to get your cycles on track so you know when you conceived and what your due date is. She agreed that there is no reason to wait. There is no evidence that the pill increases your chance of miscarriage. The only thing that increases after the pill is the incidence of twins (watch out Erica!). So then I asked her about trying again. She said I just had to wait 1 period, but I asked what the advantages of waiting longer would be. I don't want to rush into something just because I want it if it would be better to wait longer. Her answer, the only reason to wait longer is if you aren't ready mentally or emotionally. Physically, there is no reason to wait. When my body's ready I can get pregnant again. She then checked to make sure my uterus has went back to it's prepregnancy size. She said that all the pathology came back normal from my D&C. I asked what they looked for in the pathology. She said that you sometimes can have a Molar Pregnancy. If that were the case, I couldn't get pregnant for 6 months to a year, but that wasn't the case with me and everything was fine. Finishing up the visit, she told me that I should get a period within a 4-6 week time period (it's already been 3!) and then can try again. If nothing happens I'll go back in April for my annual, but hopefully I'll be in before that for another pregnancy.

I think this is all good news, because although, I've lost my baby. Nothing I did caused it, I can try again soon, and nothing major was wrong with the fetal tissue. It was just a fluke of nature and I probably won't have any more problems! Yay! Now if my period would just start next week....

I just read my friend's blogs and feel I'm a little behind on posting. I just love getting the updates. Hopefully, I have some readers too that don't think I'm just rambling. Been a pretty good week. Yesterday I spent all day at my employers both at the OSU Career Fair. It was pretty cool, but a little overwhelming to know that with a check mark in the wrong box, a kid I talked to would never even get his resume looked at. Wow! I can't believe I managed to land such a great job.

Just read Erica's blog and she's in the "trying" week. I have a feeling this is her month. I wish it were mine too. I also have a feeling that I'll only have to try once this time. Speaking of feelings, I kind of think I'll only have to wait another week or two for AF (Aunt Flow, for future reference). Don't know what it is. I just love every idea about being pregnant and can't wait to do it again. Of course I'm a little scared that next time I'll be hit with unbearable morning sickness, but...it'll be worth it if all goes well.

Today I had to give back some of the maternity clothes I borrowed. The coworker that lent them to me has another friend that needs some now, but she's due in February, so I could still get them back before I need them. Assuming I get pregnant sometime in November, I probably won't need clothes until about March, so that's ok. It wasn't even that weird to pack them up and give them back.

Ok enough for now. Tommorrow I have my follow up doctor's appointment, so I'll write more then.

Another Week

Had a really great weekend. It was our 2nd official GWO (Girl's Weekend Out). We spent most of it shopping, of course, but the best part was just visiting. It really lifts my spirits to be with my girls. One cool thing that happened was that we stopped by this booth at the Covered Bridge Festival and bought these necklaces that show the phase of the moon on the day you were born. The sales person, Ava Chu, was really cool. She wasn't selling psychic services, but she seemed to have a little bit of an intuition. All we told her was that three of us were married and didn't have any kids. She looked right at me and said, "You are having a girl." Then she told Erica that she was having a boy, and told Danialle she was going to wait a while. Then she told Heather that she would find someone soon. That she would be in a serious relationship between Christmas and Valentine's Day. It was kind of cool. Who knows, but Erica and I want kids soon, Danialle is waiting, and Heather isn't dating anyone seriously right now.

I really did restart my diet yesterday. One day of no cheating, drinking my 5 bottles of water, and I went to the gym for the first time since Labor Day. I just did 20 minutes of cardio on the treadmill, but I ran 1.6 miles, so that's not too shabby. Today, I plan on doing upper body. I probably won't be able to lift my arms tomorrow.

Another good thing. The other woman in my office that got pregnant about the same time I did finally had her first doctor's appointment yesterday. All good news. They heard the heartbeat immediately and estimate her at about 13 weeks, which is where she thought she was. So far, so good. She was really nervous because she's had problems in previous pregnancies, but this one's doing good.

The baby making for me hasn't changed much. I am ready whenever, but have to wait for my body to catch up. Eric has come around and agreed that we can try again after I have a period. So just waiting on that. I'm hoping it happens sometime next week. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday (3weeks), so I don't want it to happen before then, since I may have to get an internal exam. And Eric and I are going away for the weekend on November 7, so I don't want it to happen then. I hope it's come and gone before my weekend getaway, but we'll see.

Did I say I was starting a diet? That went really well up until about 5:00 pl.m. on Monday night. I've been busy at work and I missed one of my snacks, so I was starving and wanted chocolate. I also had a headache, so I went to Kroger to pick up my perscription and also picked up a Kit Kat and a frozen pizza for dinner. Anyway, we ate pizza for dinner, so there wasn't a healthy lunch prepared for Tuesday...

I think it's hard to be motivated when I hope to get pregnant again pretty quickly. I can't do the 12-week program, because if all goes as planned I'll be pregnant by then and then won't be meeting those goals. Another lack of motivation this week is my Girl's Weekend starting tomorrow.

It will be a weekend full of fun, laughter, tears, and of course bad food. Maybe next Monday...

Girl's weekend should be promising. I think I need this time with good friends. On a positive note, now that I'm not pregnant and my other friend that is "trying" didn't succeed this month, we can enjoy the hot tub this weekend. There's always an upside. Don't get me wrong, I would trade the weekend in the hot tub for my baby in a heartbeat, but...we take what we can get.

Overall, it's been a good week. I've only had to cry once, last night. I was telling Eric about my pregnant friend Tammy's great doctor's visit and ultrasound and started crying. It just made me sad because I really wanted the good doctor's visit and ultrasound. That bugs me sometimes, I never even had one "good" visit to the doctor. Next time. On the other hand, my sadness had nothing to do with my feelings about her pregnancy, it was just a reminder of mine. She's doing so great and I'm so happy for her and excited about the baby. The baby could be here in as little as 2 weeks!

That's it for now, I'll check in after the GWO (Girl's Weekend Out).

New Beginnings

I'm calling that the title because this is a new week. It's Monday and today I'm restarting the diet. My goal, lose 10 pounds by Thanksgiving. That will get me back to my ending BFL weight. It's a little disgusting to me that I've gained that much, but at least I know how to lose it. I've got 6 1/2 weeks to do it. I know I'll be having more than 1 cheat day this week because I've got my Girl's Weekend Out (GWO) this weekend, but overall I think I can do it. So far I'm on track, I had my protein shake and apple for breakfast, packed my days worth of authorized food and even packed my gym bag for after work. That will be tough, I haven't been to the gym since August 28. (Maybe that's why I gained 10 pounds?)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking good by the holidays again, although looking good isn't as obvious in the winter, when we're in sweaters and stuff than the summer when you get to wear cute tank tops that show off the toned arms and shoulders, but at least I'll feel good. Maybe by Thanksgiving we'll be trying again, or I could possibly be in the very early stages of pregnancy.

I finally (cross your fingers) have stopped bleeding, nothing since early Saturday morning. I'm starting to feel human again. I'm guessing I could get a real period in as little as 3 weeks, but I don't really think I'm a hurry, I've had enough bleeding over the last 2 weeks to last a while. Eric is also interested in waiting maybe two months to try. We'll discuss it after the first month. He wants me to be on track, just to be safe. The doctor said one month was all I needed though, so we'll have to discuss some more. Maybe we'll try in a month if it looks like I'm close to the Thanksgiving goal, but if not, I'll give myself another month to get there. Either way, it'll be ok. Well, I'm officially supposed to be at work now, so I guess I should get to work. Later.

Back to the Grind

I've been back to work for almost a full week now. It's been going pretty good. On Monday, I had several people approach me in the perfect way. They just stopped by and said that they heard what happened and were sorry. That's perfect, don't stop to chat, don't ask for all the details, don't make us remarks to make me "feel better", don't tell me stories about your friend that had 3 miscarriages and then got pregnant again. Just say your sorry. That's perfect. I only want to "discuss" with people I am close too.

Physically this recovery has been tougher than I expected. I had hardly any bleeding on Saturday and Sunday and then started bleeding more on Monday and Tuesday. It got worse and I was passing clots by Wednesday. The nurse said it's normal and only to get concerned if I start soaking a pad an hour, passing clots the size of lemons, or run a fever. None of those things are happening, so I guess I'm o.k. Yesterday I had to take Percocet as soon as I got home from work because my cramps were so bad, but today I'm barely bleeding. Interesting.

On another note, I'm restarting my diet on Monday. We've been eating the rest of the "bad" food in the house and plan to get back to the gym and our previous eating habits next week. I didn't mind gaining weight when I was going to have a baby, but now I'd like to lose 5 or 10 pounds before I get pregnant again.

Eric and I have scheduled a trip for the weekend of November 7-9 at

Ravenwood Castle

It should be so cool. We are staying in the Woodcutter Cottage. I'm looking forward to the get away. I'm hoping we can just relax and enjoy ourselves.

My D&C

I'm finally adding the story of my D&C on Friday. Here goes.

I stayed up really late (like 1:30 a.m.) Thursday night so I could get as much snacking and water drinking as possible in since I wasn't allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight for my surgery. I also thought the later I stayed up, the later I would sleep. Again, less hours to be hungry and thirsty. Friday morning I slept in until about 11:00 a.m. My appointment was scheduled for 4:15 p.m., but they told me to be at the hospital at 2:15 p.m. So after getting up and showering I settled in to play some games on the computer. Honestly, I didn't even really think about what was going on until we got in the car and were on our way. Eric took the afternoon off, so he came home a little after noon. Came home with take out from McDonald's I might add, wasn't really helpful for my no food rule. We left the house at about 1:50 p.m.

I cried a little in the car, but Eric held my hand and it was o.k. When we went in to register I was again a little weepy. It may sound stupid, but one of my major concerns about the surgery was that when I went in, people at the hospital would think I "wanted" the procedure, i.e. that I was having an abortion. Later, my Mom and another friend confirmed that they don't even do elective abortions at hospitals, so no one would asume that anyway. Anyway, when they gave me the paperwork to register, I noticed that the diagnosis listed on my chart was a D&C for a Missed Abortion. Abortion is just the word the doctor's use for a miscarriage. Usually it's called a Spontaneous Abortion. A "Missed" Abortion is when the embryo or fetus dies, but is not expelled from the body for at least 2 weeks. That pretty much describes it for me. Anyway the diagnosis was on my chart, so while seeing it in print made me cry, I did feel better. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before they came to get me to go up to the pre-op area.

Eric was allowed to go with me. They put me in a room and gave me a bag for my belongings and a robe to wear. I was to take everything off and put the robe on. I was a little concerned because I'd been having some light bleeding and didn't really want to be "completely" naked. They gave me some hospital panties (kind of like gauze with 3 holes in it and a huge hospital size maxi pad. So I got into the hospital gear and onto the bed and waited for my nurse. She was very cheerful, but a little weird. She was quite chatty and was the one to put in my IV. She knew what was going on though, because at one point she mentioned that she wished I didn't have to be there. On an upside, I forgot to take off my wedding ring, so they let me keep it on and just wrapped it with surgical tape. Eric and I watched some trashy people find lost loves on the Montel Williams show and waited. At one point my doctor popped in to see me. I really like her. She is all business and to the point, but at the same time makes me think that she cares about me. She asked how we were doing and if we were ready to get this over with and start to move on. Of course, while crying we said yes. She said she had one other case before me, but thought she'd probably get me in a little early. My anesthesiolgist. (I need to check the spelling on that), stopped by to explain how they would put me out. I got a little concerned, because he said they weren't doing general anesthesia. Instead they did something called "Twighlight" something. I was still completely unaware of what was going on, but I wasn't as deeply under, so I woke up easier and didn't need a breathing tube down my throat.

So finally they came to take me to surgery. That's when Eric had to go down to the waiting room. Right before I went into the room, a nurse came out and asked me what Dr. DeAngelo was doing for me. That was the only time I had to say why I was there. Of course, that made me cry again. So I went in and they had me switch from the bed to the table. While I was moving over, people started untying my gown and getting everything situated. I started to mention the little panty things, but they just said that's fine and put the arm rests on the table. There were probably about 5 people in the room and there was some music playing. I reconized my doctor and a nurse that had came to see me earlier. Once I was kind of situated they knocked me out. I didn't even have to count backwards. I didn't have to put my legs up or help them get the panty things off or anything.

When I woke up I was really emotional and crying. I was in the post-op recovery area. I remember trying to talk to the nurse that was with me and told her how much I wanted my baby. I don't remember what she said, but I'm sure it was comforting. Then I had a different younger nurse and I talked to her a little. She told me that she was pregnant and due in May and I remember how sad I thought it would be working there and seeing people like me so often. I woke up pretty quickly. The nurse checked to see how much I was bleeding and then sent me over to the discharge area.

The nurses brought me my clothes and let me get dressed while they went to get Eric. I managed to get dressed and then Eric showed up. They sat us down and went over the discharge instructions. I got 2 prescriptions, one for Percocet for pain and 1 for bleeding to take for 2 days. I was allowed to go back to normal activities after 24 hours, except a limitation of no baths for 7 days. Eric went to get the car and the nurse got me a Coke and some graham crackers and wheeled me in the wheelchair down to the car. We went to the store to get my prescriptions filled and get some junk food and then went home.

I recovered pretty quickly over the weekend although I've been having more bleeding and cramping over the past day or so. I called and the nurse said that's pretty normal, but to keep an eye on it.

Pictures Added

Also, I've finally put some pictures on my photo page. I've added the pictures of all of the flowers we have been sent by people thinking of us in our time of loss.

New Title

I changed the title of my Blog today. I've decided to keep using it even though all of this happened. Hopefully, I'll have much more to share and any of my experiences can help others.

I've taken the whole week off of work. I went into the office Tuesday, but left after about an hour. Turns out it was harder than I thought it would be and my coworkers and even my superiors think I should take some more time and come back when I'm ready.

Tommorrow is my D&C. I think I'm ready. I've been having some bleeding over the past few days, but not enough to make me think I'm close to be done if I were to do this the natural way.

I think I'm healing slowly. I even had a short lived flash of anger yesterday. My brother-in-law called for the first time and Eric talked to him. Eric was saying that we're doing better and looking to the future, etc. And within minutes they were discussing baseball. I was thinking it's not "fine" we aren't "doing good." Then I realized that I hadn't wanted to talk and it's different for Eric. We are doing ok, and nothing he could say to us would change anything, so I should let him deal with it in his way. While Eric's sad too, it will never be the same type of loss for him.

I'll write more about my procedure and how I'm feeling this weekend.

Today I scheduled my appointment for my D&C. I will be going in at 4:15 p.m on Friday, October 3. I have to be at the hospital at 2:15 p.m. and can't eat or drink after midnight on Thursday. Friday will be a long day. Setting the date for the end of my pregnancy was difficult. After I got off the phone with the nurse I cried for a little while.

Today I didn't go to work. I've been trying to take some time to reflect a little and honestly I'm nervous about going back to the office and facing everyone. I'm sure that they will all be supportive, but I'm sure it will be hard. Today I painted my memory box and I'm about to do the really hard part and write the letter to my baby. I think it will help me heal.

The days keep going by and I think I'm coping well. I've been surrounded by incredible love and support of family and friends. It's extremely helpful. Two friends I'd like to mention in particular are Tammy and Samara.

First of all Tammy, Tammy is an incredibly sweet, caring and compassionate woman that I'm fortunate enough to know because we work together. She was blessed and pleasantly surprised earlier this year to find out that she was pregnant after going through a host of her own trials and sadness. Her son will be born in November. Tammy has been there for me from the time I decided to start her fitness program, to the time when Eric and I decided to start trying for a family, to the weeks of questions before I found out I was pregnant, to the day I told her I was pregnant, to the past two weeks of sadness and loss. She's been a friend to listen and a shoulder to cry on. She personally knows what I am going through and is a shining example of the joy that can be found after a loss. I appreciate her every day and count myself lucky to have become her friend.

Secondly, is my best friend Samara. I've known Samara since we met at a Christmas party almost 2 years ago. We instantly clicked and have developed a deep friendship. While Samara has not been through the same experience I am going through now, she has been beside me all the way and is there to listen when I need to share or offer advice or words of encouragement to try to keep my spirits lifted. I spent the first evening after the news with Samara and her husband as Eric and I needed to get out of the house. We have shared our secrets of the past and hopes for the future. While this is something I never thought I'd have to deal with, she has been there to hold my hand. My hope is that our friendship will last for a long time to come, if I am ever needed, I can be there to hold her hand too.

The Doctor's Appointment

I've been putting off writing this for a couple of days, but by now everyone that probably reads this page, knows what happened.

Friday morning was my doctor's visit. Our appointment was at 10:00 a.m., but we ended up having to wait until about 10:45 a.m. before we got in because someone was in the room with the ultrasound. When I finally got in, the nurse took all my vitals (weight, blood pressure, pulse) and then left me to strip down and wait for the doctor. When Dr. DeAngelo came in she knew we were anxious, so she said, "Let's skip the chit-chat and get to this." She started the ultrasound immediately.

As soon as we got a picture on the screen I immediately noticed that I still didn't see any movement. Dr. DeAngelo started clicking on different areas to take the measurements. Then she told us that there wasn't any change from last week. Everything looked exactly the same. Eric and I were both in tears because we knew what that meant. She said that she had hoped it would turn out differently. I sat up and she told us that she would let me get dressed and give us a few minutes and then she would come back and we would talk about what happens next.

When she came back, she told us that first of all there was nothing that we did or didn't do or anything that we could have done differently. Sometimes this just happens and we don't know why. Maybe something wasn't developing right or there was some problem, but we probably won't every know why this happened. She said the good news was that the chances of this happening again are very slim and I will probably go on to in the future have a normal healthy full term pregnancy and baby. Miscarriages are very common and happen in 1 out of 5 pregnancies. She will only get concerned if it happens 2 or 3 times in a row, then they would do tests and try to figure out the cause. She also said that if we want to, we can try again as soon as I have one regular period.

So right now, I have 2 options. The first is to just wait it out and let Mother Nature take it's course. Eventually I will actually miscarry and it will be alot like a heavy period, with bad cramps and lots of bleeding. If I go that route, she will want to continue to monitor my hormone levels to be sure that they decrease at the appropriate rate and she'll want to see me again in 2 weeks to be sure that everything is complete. I asked how long it could take to start and she said it could happen anytime from immediately to another week or two. I just need to decide if I want to wait. The other option is a D&C. In that scenario I would go into the hospital where they would put me under and Dr. DeAngelo would go in and scrape out the contents of my uterus. This option carries the risks associated with surgery as well as a slight risk of uterine scarring. She told me to go home and think about it and call the office on Monday to tell her what I want to do.

So then we left. Eric and I both took the rest of the day off work and tried to figure out how to deal with this. A lot of the feelings I've been having are a little too personal and raw to put here right now. We have been surrounded by a lot of support. We have received flowers from friends in both of our workplaces and from Eric's father. My parents flew in from Iowa on Saturday to spend a day with me and show me there support. We also went to dinner and a movie with our best friends.

For the most part I don't think I've had the major breakdown I was expecting. I've been very sad and certainly had my share of tears, but I think the sadness and shock has been tempered by the fact that I had a little bit of an advance warning. I've spent the last week, trying not to fear the worst, but knowing it was a possibility. I also have not had to go through the physical loss of this baby yet. So far, the loss is all emotional. I'm sure there are difficult days to come.

I have found a way to deal with this in my own way. I plan to put together a memory box as a sort of memorial to the loss of my first baby and pregnancy. I plan to write down my feelings in a sort of letter to the baby and put in a box along with other momentos I have, including my pregnancy test, pictures from my parent's when I told them, pictures of the flowers people sent, my pregnancy planner, and probably a copy of this website. When I feel the memorial is complete, I'll put it away. Someday I can look back and remember this sad time in my life and hopefully reflect on the many blessings that came after. I can share with my future children my love for this first baby that never came and always remember.

1 More Day

Only 20 more hours until my doctor's appointment. Regardless of what I said a couple days ago, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I still have dark shadows of fear and anxiety creep in occasionally, but overall I think it's going to be ok.

A woman in my office is about 11 weeks pregnant and her doctor isn't going to do an ultrasound until the beginning of November. I was thinking, although I was excited to get one early, I never would have been afraid if I hadn't had one. No other symptoms make me think anything is wrong.

Every day that passes I feel more pregnant. I notice that I'm more irritable lately. I don't really think I act on it (although Eric might disagree), but I just feel whiny. My other two constant feeling are tiredness and hunger. I always want either a snack or a nap. Snacking is easier. My body is also changing. Even my "fat" clothes are getting tight. I feel ridiculous. I put on these pants that used to be too big and they still are really baggy in the hips and thighs, but then they are tight on my waist. I feel like a clown because even the bigger clothes don't look right. I love the little belly though. It's just rounder than before and I keep touching it. It's definately different than being fat, but it's still not enough of a "pregnant" belly to wear the maternity clothes waiting patiently in my closet. I may give in in a couple of weeks. I resisted on the bra thing and then felt so much better when I switched. I'm sure this will be the same way.

I can't wait until tomorrow when I can move on from this last week of fear and get really excited about pregnancy again. If it weren't for this week, I could say that I love being pregnant. Maybe that can be next week's theme.

What a Difference a Bra Makes.

The best $10 I ever spent. The breast tenderness I've been having the past week or so has been agony. I kind of thought I might be growing out of my bra, but it's been years since I changed sizes, so I guess I missed some of those signals. Yesterday, I gave in and went to Wal-Mart and tried some on. A bigger size is heaven. I bought 2 for now, because I figure I'll just do a lot of laundry and I'm sure I'm not done growing. This is the first non Victoria Secret bra I've purchased in quite a while, but I can't justify $30 for a bra when I may not be in it that long, and I'll probably go back to my old size afterwards. For now, I'll just buy Hanes from Wal-Mart. $9.96. I feel so much better!

The Waiting Game

Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
3 more days or 69 more hours. Why did I let Eric decide when we would go back to the doctor?

I'm sure I'll survive, but this is tougher than waiting to take the pregnancy test. Then if I couldn't wait, I took the test it was negative and I wasted $10. Now if I can't wait, I just have to wait some more.

I'm trying to stay positive. I haven't cried at work since Friday. I can tell people what's going on without seeming like I'm falling apart (I had to learn that one since I told EVERYONE when my first doctor appointment was). Just in my head I can't get away. I find it a little sad, but I've put all my happy thoughts on hold. I'm not sharing nursery plans with Eric, I'm not planning when I should register at Babies R Us, I'm not thinking about whether I want my baby to be named Caleb or Grace (there are our names so far!), I'm just not thinking. I'm trying not to get my hopes up in case of bad news. How sad is that?

Sorry to bum anyone out, like I said I'm not falling apart on the outside. I have a positive front, but inside I can't help but worry. This is my outlet for those fears. Ok, that's enough negative thoughts for today.

The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healty and perfect. Three more days.

Week ?

As you can tell, I'm not putting the week headings on until the doctor gives me a due date and I know where I stand. This weekend's been pretty quiet and relaxing. Friday night we invited some new neighbors that moved in about a week ago over for dinner. They seem nice, but I had a horrible headache that Tylenol wasn't touching, so probably wasn't as great of a hostess as I normally would have been. Saturday we just kind of hung out, but I did get some important things done like laundry and the bills. Saturday night Eric and I watched a movie and stayed up until about 1 a.m. Today has been all about relaxing and sleeping. I slept until about 10:30 a.m. then got up and made some pancakes. Then I was tired again, so took a nap about 12:30 p.m. Oh, well. I did manage to go to the grocery store today, and then have spent the rest of the day on the couch watching football with Eric.

On the baby front, I reread a section in the "What to Expect" book. I remember thinking the first time I read it, that is seemed like a stupid question, but this time it brought me some comfort. The question, "I'm very nervous because I can't really feel my baby. Could it die without my knowing it?" The answer, "At this stage, with no noticeable belly swelling andn no obvious fetal activity, it's hard to imagine that there's really a living, growing baby inside you. But the death of a fetus or embryo that isn't expelled from the uterus in a miscarriage is veryrare. When it does happen, a woman eventually loses all signs of pregnancy, including breast tenderness and enlargement, and may develop a brownish discharge, though no actual bleeeding. Upon examination, the practioner will find that the uterus has diminished in size."

So anyway, I definately still have pregnancy symptoms. My breasts are still extremely tender and I think they are growing a little every day. Today I even had my first obvious pregnancy mood swing (at least the first one I noticed :) I was asking Eric if it was too early to take a nap (an hour and a half after I got up) because he sometimes teases me about my napping, and I started to cry. Then I started laughing through my tears, because I knew that I was crying for pretty much no reason. Eric looked terrified! That seemed even funnier to me.

Last night while I was trying to go to sleep, I was thinking about the dates the doctor gave us for probably conception. If she's right, which for obvious reasons I hope she is, I think there's a good chance we'll have a boy. Supposedly, you are more likely to have a boy the closer intercourse is to ovulation, since the boy sperm swim faster and get to the egg first. The girls, apparently are slower, but live longer, so if you do it a couple days before ovulation the chance for a girl goes up. (Although, I think the chances are more like 51-52% instead of 50%, not a dramatic differance). She said she thinks ovulation happened around August 9th. We were together on August 4 (seems a little too far out to me), and the 9th and 10th. Sorry Mom and Dad if you're reading, but I kept track in case the doctor wanted to try to figure out when conception happened. I'm kind of glad I did right now. Well, that's it for now. I can't wait until Friday, to be sure everythings o.k. I'm trusting and praying that the doctor is right and that my body is acting normal, because it is normal, but I won't be able to truely relax until we get to see it again. Five more days.

I'm feeling much better today than I did on Thursday. I went back to work on Friday with a positive attitude and trying to believe that the only thing wrong was my timing. A couple of people at work knew what had happened and they tried to make me cheer up. They asked me if the doctor did an HCG Beta blood test. The test measures hormone levels in your blood to make sure the pregnancy is viable and is progressing properly. I knew they took a lot of blood, so I called the nurse to ask if they did the test and if so, could I get the results. The nurse called me back and left a message saying that Dr. DeAngelo didn't see much value in the test once you can see something on ultrasound and so they had not ordered it. She told me if I wanted it done, they could call the lab and ask them to do it, but I wouldn't know the results until Monday and would also have had to get blood drawn again on Saturday or Monday to compare the levels to. We played a little phone tag, as I called and left another message for the nurse asking when they do find the test valuable and why exactly it wasn't a good test for me. This time when she called me back we got to chat and she explained that they use the test early in pregnancy before you can see anything by ultrasound to make sure that the baby is growing and the pregnancy is progressing. Once they can actually see the baby, however, ultrasound is a better tool. They can see my baby, so she didn't order the test. I accepted that and then reitterated my concern over how they count the weeks. This time I got a much clearer response that when they measured me they were measuring weeks of fetal growth. So when she said 6 weeks, she did mean from conception, so the dates she gave me for expected conception were accurate. That means according to the pregnancy books, when you add on those 2 weeks at the beginning, I'm actually around the 8 week mark. This is only 2 weeks off of what I thought. That makes a whole lot more sense to me and makes me feel a whole lot better. She again assured me that for that measurement the heartbeat thing was normal, and that everything else looked healthy and like it should. Now I just need to wait until Friday and have it all confirmed by another ultrasound.

Week ?

Today was my first prenatal visit. I've been looking forward to this visit since I scheduled it 4 weeks ago. However, the actual experience wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. I've had a little time to reflect and think I'm handling things much better now, so I wanted to make sure I journaled this, so I wouldn't forget anything.

Eric and I got to the appointment 30 minutes early as requested and filled out the 1 form that wasn't sent in the package in the mail. We then sat down and only had to wait about 5 or 10 minutes before they called me back. Eric got to wait in an exam room while they took my weight, blood pressure, and a urine sample. Apparently that will become a regular thing. Then I went to the exam room and answered a couple of questions for the nurse. Then the doctor came in and took my information about the date of my last period and told me that she was going to take a few cultures (in an internal exam), do an ultrasound to check my dates, and then take blood for all the other tests. She asked us if we had questions for her yet, which we didn't. I just thought I'd see what info we were given at the first visit and then start making lists later. She said that the vitamin I've been taking is ok, but that she would give me some samples of prescription ones that I could take. Then I got undressed and ready for my exam and they were doing a vaginal ultrasound. The exam went fine, and Eric stayed safely by my head. When she started the ultrasound, it was cool that we could see this gray spot in the middle of this black sac of fluid. I was of course looking for a heartbeat and was a little concerned that nothing seemed to be moving. The doctor didn't say anything at first, and then said that what she was looking for was a heartbeat and she wasn't finding one. Then she clicked on the spot to take some measurements and said that I was only measuring at about 6 weeks. She finished up that ultrasound and went and looked at the calendar. She said that at 6 weeks she thinks I conceived around August 9. She also said that that timeline matches up well with when I got a postitive pregnancy test. She could tell I was very concerned and said that if I was measuring at 9 weeks and she couldn't find a heartbeat that she would be concerned, but at 6 weeks it may just be to early to see it. She decided to set me up for another appointment for an ultrasound next week to check and see if we have made progress and growth, and hopefully to see the heartbeat.

I'm a little confused about the dates. Saying I conceived around August 9th (six weeks ago), to me would mean that I'm 8 weeks along, which would make sense to me, but she said that I measured 6 weeks, which (to me) would mean that I conceived around the 23rd, which is when I got a positive test and wouldn't be possible, so I'm a bit confused. Thinking about it too much makes me worry, so I'm just going to go with the doctor, that I'm just off and everything is fine and pray that next week at the appointment we have sufficient growth and see that precious heartbeat. Another positive note is that I haven't had any negative signs such as bleeding, spotting, or cramping. The human body is an amazing thing and I have to believe that if there was a problem, my body would be taking care of it.

So, when I got home I was very upset and thinking the worst. After a discussion with a close friend at work by phone, I decided not to go back to the office, as I would have been a mess and not very productive. I called the nurse to ask about how the weeks were counted. While her answer didn't really help, she did say she talked to the doctor and she said that the sac and everything else looked fine. I also took another pregnancy test when I got home and felt a little reassured when it was still very positive.

On another note, I did remember to ask 2 questions at the doctor. Number 1, I asked how frequently I get to have ultrasounds. Not counting next week, she said that my next ultrasound will be at 32 weeks. She doesn't do the early one at 20 weeks where you can tell the sex unless there is some problem or concern that she feels it's necessary. I may try to talk her into doing one earlier, since my insurance will pay for it. We'll see. Number 2, she assured me that I am probably going to have a large baby. She said that the baby's weight usually cooresponds to the mother's birth weight. I weighed 9 pounds at birth and Eric weighed 9 pounds 13 ounces. She said, "Sorry sweetie." She did say that that would be an advantage to the 32 week ultrasound, because they could get an estimate of the baby's weight and know if it looks like it's heading for the large baby range.

Well, that's enough for now. My next ultrasound is Friday next week. I just have to try not to worry until then and say some prayers that next week it will be bigger and hopefully we'll get to see that heartbeat!

9 Weeks, 2 Days

It's been a busy weekend. To start out, here's an update of the goings on during Week 9.

The Baby
The baby is now officially a fetus! Crown-to-rump length is .9 to 1.2 inches. This is close to the size of a medium green olive. The baby's arms and legs are longer. Hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over the heart area. The head is more erect and the neck is more devleoped. Eyelids almost cover the eyes. The baby nows moves its body and limbs.

My Body
Each week your uterus grows larger with the baby growing inside it. You may begin to see your waistline growing thicker by this time. A pelvic exam will detect a uterus a little bigger than a grapefruit. Mood swings are common now. Complexion changes are common. Either extra smooth skin or acne eruptions are both common. As the uterus grows you may also feel a dull aching and cramping.

Personnally, I like hearing that my waistline could be thickening by now. I definately notice a difference. Other people looking at me wouldn't think that I'm pregnant, but I can see a new roundness to my lower abdomen. I've unofficially gained 4 pounds. What-to-Expect says to gain 3-4 pounds in your first trimester. I'm guessing I'm going to gain more than that, since I'm already at 4 pounds with almost a month to go, and I don't have any problems keeping food down. I'm not too concerned. I've really changed my eating habits and guess that I would have probably gained 2 or 3 pounds without being pregnant. Luckily I only notice weight gain in that lower ab area and it doesn't seem all soft and squishy like when you just get fat, so I'm ok with that.

On a new subject, Eric and I had a busy and fun weekend. Donna (Eric's Mom) came to visit for the first time since we moved in to the house. We went to dinner on Friday night and then rented a couple of movies. Saturday we went to Aerobics class in the morning and then spent most of the rest of the day and evening shopping. Then watched another movie. It was a good visit.

Shopping, now that was an experience. We went to lots of baby stores. We showed Donna the crib and dresser/changing table we want to get. I'm pretty sure we've made the decision. We'll probably order it in early December. It takes 10 weeks to come in. I'd like to start on the nursery in February. We also went to a couple of maternity stores and Babies-R-Us. Eric was really cool and let me a get a couple of outfits. I don't need them yet, maybe in a couple of weeks. But, his rationalization was, I'm going to need the clothes, so why not spread out the shopping rather than having to buy a ton of stuff when I don't fit in any of my normal clothes any more. I borrowed a lot of clothes from some women at work, but it's fun to have some stuff of my own too. I bought a pair of jeans (I have a borrowed pair, but they are pretty small, and I'm guessing I'll outgrow them by month 5 or so. I also got a great pair of black pants I can where to work and 2 really pretty shirts. Then I got 2 stretchy short sleeve shirts that were on clearance and 2 tank top/camisole shirts. We only spent about $125, so I thought that was pretty good. Then we really went crazy. We went to Best Buy, which is always a risky proposition. We ended up buying a new computer including a monitor and printer. The computer will be delivered in 2 weeks, and Donna bought us the printer with extra ink and photo paper as an early Christmas present. We also got a digital camera. I've been wanting a camera and with the pregnancy and baby, I can't think it's anything but a good investment. Once I figure out how to do more of this posting stuff, I'll start posting belly pictures. Well, that's probably a long enough post for now. I'll give another update when I get some more info. Thursday is the first doctor's appointment, so that will be fun. If I figure out the posting, I'll take a picture of our ultrasound picture and post it.

Week 8, Day 6

Before I start giving regular updates I thought I'd fill you in on common pregnancy symptoms and how I compare.

 Delay of Menstruation - Occurs during entire pregnancy.
- This one's kind of a no-brainer. Yes I'm having this symptom, although some people also have light spotting, which fortunately I haven't.
 Nausea and Vomitting - Appears 2 to 8 weeks after conception.
- This is the one I was afraid of, but fortunately seems to have passed me by. I'm one of the lucky few that may not have any morning sickness. Morning sickness affects 50-80% of pregnant women. It usually disappears after the first trimester, so even if I get it later, I'll probably only suffer for a couple of weeks.
 Tender or Swollen Breasts - Appears 1 to 2 weeks after conception.
- This is definitely one of mine. It started with just nipple tenderness and then graduated to breast tenderness. I've also been growing in that area.
 Feeling Exhausted or Sleepy - Appears 1 to 6 weeks after conception.
- This is probably the most pronounced (except maybe the breast changes) symptom I have. I've been super tired and just wiped out. I've been skipping the gym and going to bed early, things I rarely did before.
 Backaches - During entire pregnancy
- I haven't had this one yet, but I'm guessing as I gain more weight that could change.
 Frequent Headaches - Sometimes during entire pregnancy.
- I've had a couple of headaches, but nothing I would call frequent. I'm so glad I had my sinus surgery first, because my migraines have decreased in frequency. I've only had one since recovering from my surgery, so that's a success. The other headaches I've had have been relatively minor and have responded to Tylenol. Good thing because my Imitrex is not approved for pregnancy.
 Food Cravings or Aversions - During entire pregnancy.
- I haven't really had any cravings…at least nothing weird. I do seem to always want sandwiches for lunch. Like Einstein's Bagel sandwiches, or Subway or anything else. Not burgers, but lunchmeat. I do have a real life food aversion. I can no longer eat chicken. Actually, the only time I've had any nausea was when I smell, look at, or think about eating chicken. The KFC commercial really disturbs me.
 Darkening of Areola - 1 to 14 weeks after conception, then throughout pregnancy.
- Haven't really noticed this, but it may be a subtle change.
 Fetal Movements - 16-22 weeks after conception.
- Still too early for this, but I'm looking forward to it!
 Frequent Urination - 6 to 8 weeks after conception
- This one should be kicking in soon. Haven't really noticed it yet, but I spend a lot of time in the bathroom already, since I tend to drink a lot of water.

So, that's the symptom list. Another frequently asked question is about diet and exercise. I'm a little sad to say that this has changed radically for me. As most people know I had been following the Body For Life (BFL) diet and exercise plan for the past 6 months or so. On the plan I lost 9 pounds and 2 clothing sizes. I was eating 6 small healthy meals daily and doing some time of exercise (either cardio or weight-lifting) 6 days a week. Well, the first thing that started to slip was the exercise. I'm blaming it on first-trimester fatigue, but I have been majorly neglecting the gym. I need to limit/modify my cardio anyway, so I don't get my heartrate up too high, but I can barely force myself to stand and make dinner out of work, so a run on the treadmill is the last thing on my mind. I did have the trainer at the gym set up a pregnancy friendly lifting workout for me though, so whenever I get a little energy back I plan to lift and do a little cardio on Monday, Thursday, and Saturdays. I'm also going to try to keep going to the step aerobics class on Tuesday's cause it's so much fun.

As far as the diet goes, I'm still eating several times a day, just not the same foods. Eric won't let me drink my protein shakes until I see the doctor and she ok's it, so that changed 2 of my meals. Instead of an apple and shake on the way to work, I eat an apple and a granola bar. My afternoon snack changed from an orange and a shake, to a bag of low-fat popcorn. Our lunches and dinners have changed a bit too, since I won't make chicken now, we're eating a lot more beef and eating a lot more of the old, easy standby recipes that aren't BFL authorized like spaghetti and beef stroganoff. I am trying to reach for healthier snacks. After dinner when I should have cottage cheese and yogurt, I don't, but I do try to reach for apples or grapes, rather than loading the freezer with ice cream. While I'm a little sad that I haven't done better, it's really hard to stay motivated to eat right, when the result is weight gain and a big belly rather than weight loss and 6-pack abs. I've kind of decided to enjoy it now, and afterwards, when I need to lose the weight and get bikini ready again, BFL will once again be my friend.

Week 8, Day 5

I have known I'm pregnant for 2 weeks and 5 days. The time has flown by. To start I think I should say that the fact I didn't find out I was pregnant until Week 6, still blows my mind. This was a planned pregnancy. Eric and I decided to start trying around the beginning of June. By start trying I mean I quit taking the pill. The first month didn't work, which wasn't a huge surprise, I mean I just quit birth control, plus while on the pill I had stopped having periods, so I knew I wasn't ovulating. Anyway, that month was ok, because after a 35 day cylcle I had my first period in about 5 months. So then the second month started and we tried to time ovulation according to a normal 28 day cycle. So I was expecting a period or something around August 8th. Now my first post-pill cycle came complete with a whole week of cramps and horrible PMS. So anyway the week before I was expecting my period I had a bunch of "symptoms" (at least in my head). I felt dizzy and lightheaded for a couple of days and then in the middle of the week my nipples became very tender. I told a pregnant woman that I work with, and she swore I was pregnant, so I took a test 3 days before my expected period. No surprise, it was negative. So then I got a little pregnancy test crazy. EPT must have loved me. I tested again on day 27 and day 29 of my cycle. Both negative. So I decided to hold out until Friday, which would have been day 34 of my cylce. I figured by then, even if I was on a longer cycle than 28 days it would be positive. Still negative. This time I gave up, even though I didn't have all the PMS symptoms like the previous month, I figured I was just still irregular from the pill and breasts had become tender, so I thought I would just wait for my period. So I kind of forgot about it. Another 5 days went by and then (it was Wednesday night) I noticed that my breasts seemed larger, I checked with my husband and he agreed, so on Thursday I bought another 3-pack of EPT tests. Friday morning I took ANOTHER test, and this one was finally positive. 6 weeks after the start of my last period. That makes my due date (unless the doctor decides differently) April 17, 2004. So that's my how I found out I'm pregnant story.