Today I scheduled my appointment for my D&C. I will be going in at 4:15 p.m on Friday, October 3. I have to be at the hospital at 2:15 p.m. and can't eat or drink after midnight on Thursday. Friday will be a long day. Setting the date for the end of my pregnancy was difficult. After I got off the phone with the nurse I cried for a little while.

Today I didn't go to work. I've been trying to take some time to reflect a little and honestly I'm nervous about going back to the office and facing everyone. I'm sure that they will all be supportive, but I'm sure it will be hard. Today I painted my memory box and I'm about to do the really hard part and write the letter to my baby. I think it will help me heal.

The days keep going by and I think I'm coping well. I've been surrounded by incredible love and support of family and friends. It's extremely helpful. Two friends I'd like to mention in particular are Tammy and Samara.

First of all Tammy, Tammy is an incredibly sweet, caring and compassionate woman that I'm fortunate enough to know because we work together. She was blessed and pleasantly surprised earlier this year to find out that she was pregnant after going through a host of her own trials and sadness. Her son will be born in November. Tammy has been there for me from the time I decided to start her fitness program, to the time when Eric and I decided to start trying for a family, to the weeks of questions before I found out I was pregnant, to the day I told her I was pregnant, to the past two weeks of sadness and loss. She's been a friend to listen and a shoulder to cry on. She personally knows what I am going through and is a shining example of the joy that can be found after a loss. I appreciate her every day and count myself lucky to have become her friend.

Secondly, is my best friend Samara. I've known Samara since we met at a Christmas party almost 2 years ago. We instantly clicked and have developed a deep friendship. While Samara has not been through the same experience I am going through now, she has been beside me all the way and is there to listen when I need to share or offer advice or words of encouragement to try to keep my spirits lifted. I spent the first evening after the news with Samara and her husband as Eric and I needed to get out of the house. We have shared our secrets of the past and hopes for the future. While this is something I never thought I'd have to deal with, she has been there to hold my hand. My hope is that our friendship will last for a long time to come, if I am ever needed, I can be there to hold her hand too.

The Doctor's Appointment

I've been putting off writing this for a couple of days, but by now everyone that probably reads this page, knows what happened.

Friday morning was my doctor's visit. Our appointment was at 10:00 a.m., but we ended up having to wait until about 10:45 a.m. before we got in because someone was in the room with the ultrasound. When I finally got in, the nurse took all my vitals (weight, blood pressure, pulse) and then left me to strip down and wait for the doctor. When Dr. DeAngelo came in she knew we were anxious, so she said, "Let's skip the chit-chat and get to this." She started the ultrasound immediately.

As soon as we got a picture on the screen I immediately noticed that I still didn't see any movement. Dr. DeAngelo started clicking on different areas to take the measurements. Then she told us that there wasn't any change from last week. Everything looked exactly the same. Eric and I were both in tears because we knew what that meant. She said that she had hoped it would turn out differently. I sat up and she told us that she would let me get dressed and give us a few minutes and then she would come back and we would talk about what happens next.

When she came back, she told us that first of all there was nothing that we did or didn't do or anything that we could have done differently. Sometimes this just happens and we don't know why. Maybe something wasn't developing right or there was some problem, but we probably won't every know why this happened. She said the good news was that the chances of this happening again are very slim and I will probably go on to in the future have a normal healthy full term pregnancy and baby. Miscarriages are very common and happen in 1 out of 5 pregnancies. She will only get concerned if it happens 2 or 3 times in a row, then they would do tests and try to figure out the cause. She also said that if we want to, we can try again as soon as I have one regular period.

So right now, I have 2 options. The first is to just wait it out and let Mother Nature take it's course. Eventually I will actually miscarry and it will be alot like a heavy period, with bad cramps and lots of bleeding. If I go that route, she will want to continue to monitor my hormone levels to be sure that they decrease at the appropriate rate and she'll want to see me again in 2 weeks to be sure that everything is complete. I asked how long it could take to start and she said it could happen anytime from immediately to another week or two. I just need to decide if I want to wait. The other option is a D&C. In that scenario I would go into the hospital where they would put me under and Dr. DeAngelo would go in and scrape out the contents of my uterus. This option carries the risks associated with surgery as well as a slight risk of uterine scarring. She told me to go home and think about it and call the office on Monday to tell her what I want to do.

So then we left. Eric and I both took the rest of the day off work and tried to figure out how to deal with this. A lot of the feelings I've been having are a little too personal and raw to put here right now. We have been surrounded by a lot of support. We have received flowers from friends in both of our workplaces and from Eric's father. My parents flew in from Iowa on Saturday to spend a day with me and show me there support. We also went to dinner and a movie with our best friends.

For the most part I don't think I've had the major breakdown I was expecting. I've been very sad and certainly had my share of tears, but I think the sadness and shock has been tempered by the fact that I had a little bit of an advance warning. I've spent the last week, trying not to fear the worst, but knowing it was a possibility. I also have not had to go through the physical loss of this baby yet. So far, the loss is all emotional. I'm sure there are difficult days to come.

I have found a way to deal with this in my own way. I plan to put together a memory box as a sort of memorial to the loss of my first baby and pregnancy. I plan to write down my feelings in a sort of letter to the baby and put in a box along with other momentos I have, including my pregnancy test, pictures from my parent's when I told them, pictures of the flowers people sent, my pregnancy planner, and probably a copy of this website. When I feel the memorial is complete, I'll put it away. Someday I can look back and remember this sad time in my life and hopefully reflect on the many blessings that came after. I can share with my future children my love for this first baby that never came and always remember.

1 More Day

Only 20 more hours until my doctor's appointment. Regardless of what I said a couple days ago, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I still have dark shadows of fear and anxiety creep in occasionally, but overall I think it's going to be ok.

A woman in my office is about 11 weeks pregnant and her doctor isn't going to do an ultrasound until the beginning of November. I was thinking, although I was excited to get one early, I never would have been afraid if I hadn't had one. No other symptoms make me think anything is wrong.

Every day that passes I feel more pregnant. I notice that I'm more irritable lately. I don't really think I act on it (although Eric might disagree), but I just feel whiny. My other two constant feeling are tiredness and hunger. I always want either a snack or a nap. Snacking is easier. My body is also changing. Even my "fat" clothes are getting tight. I feel ridiculous. I put on these pants that used to be too big and they still are really baggy in the hips and thighs, but then they are tight on my waist. I feel like a clown because even the bigger clothes don't look right. I love the little belly though. It's just rounder than before and I keep touching it. It's definately different than being fat, but it's still not enough of a "pregnant" belly to wear the maternity clothes waiting patiently in my closet. I may give in in a couple of weeks. I resisted on the bra thing and then felt so much better when I switched. I'm sure this will be the same way.

I can't wait until tomorrow when I can move on from this last week of fear and get really excited about pregnancy again. If it weren't for this week, I could say that I love being pregnant. Maybe that can be next week's theme.

What a Difference a Bra Makes.

The best $10 I ever spent. The breast tenderness I've been having the past week or so has been agony. I kind of thought I might be growing out of my bra, but it's been years since I changed sizes, so I guess I missed some of those signals. Yesterday, I gave in and went to Wal-Mart and tried some on. A bigger size is heaven. I bought 2 for now, because I figure I'll just do a lot of laundry and I'm sure I'm not done growing. This is the first non Victoria Secret bra I've purchased in quite a while, but I can't justify $30 for a bra when I may not be in it that long, and I'll probably go back to my old size afterwards. For now, I'll just buy Hanes from Wal-Mart. $9.96. I feel so much better!

The Waiting Game

Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
3 more days or 69 more hours. Why did I let Eric decide when we would go back to the doctor?

I'm sure I'll survive, but this is tougher than waiting to take the pregnancy test. Then if I couldn't wait, I took the test it was negative and I wasted $10. Now if I can't wait, I just have to wait some more.

I'm trying to stay positive. I haven't cried at work since Friday. I can tell people what's going on without seeming like I'm falling apart (I had to learn that one since I told EVERYONE when my first doctor appointment was). Just in my head I can't get away. I find it a little sad, but I've put all my happy thoughts on hold. I'm not sharing nursery plans with Eric, I'm not planning when I should register at Babies R Us, I'm not thinking about whether I want my baby to be named Caleb or Grace (there are our names so far!), I'm just not thinking. I'm trying not to get my hopes up in case of bad news. How sad is that?

Sorry to bum anyone out, like I said I'm not falling apart on the outside. I have a positive front, but inside I can't help but worry. This is my outlet for those fears. Ok, that's enough negative thoughts for today.

The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healthy and perfect. The baby is healty and perfect. Three more days.

Week ?

As you can tell, I'm not putting the week headings on until the doctor gives me a due date and I know where I stand. This weekend's been pretty quiet and relaxing. Friday night we invited some new neighbors that moved in about a week ago over for dinner. They seem nice, but I had a horrible headache that Tylenol wasn't touching, so probably wasn't as great of a hostess as I normally would have been. Saturday we just kind of hung out, but I did get some important things done like laundry and the bills. Saturday night Eric and I watched a movie and stayed up until about 1 a.m. Today has been all about relaxing and sleeping. I slept until about 10:30 a.m. then got up and made some pancakes. Then I was tired again, so took a nap about 12:30 p.m. Oh, well. I did manage to go to the grocery store today, and then have spent the rest of the day on the couch watching football with Eric.

On the baby front, I reread a section in the "What to Expect" book. I remember thinking the first time I read it, that is seemed like a stupid question, but this time it brought me some comfort. The question, "I'm very nervous because I can't really feel my baby. Could it die without my knowing it?" The answer, "At this stage, with no noticeable belly swelling andn no obvious fetal activity, it's hard to imagine that there's really a living, growing baby inside you. But the death of a fetus or embryo that isn't expelled from the uterus in a miscarriage is veryrare. When it does happen, a woman eventually loses all signs of pregnancy, including breast tenderness and enlargement, and may develop a brownish discharge, though no actual bleeeding. Upon examination, the practioner will find that the uterus has diminished in size."

So anyway, I definately still have pregnancy symptoms. My breasts are still extremely tender and I think they are growing a little every day. Today I even had my first obvious pregnancy mood swing (at least the first one I noticed :) I was asking Eric if it was too early to take a nap (an hour and a half after I got up) because he sometimes teases me about my napping, and I started to cry. Then I started laughing through my tears, because I knew that I was crying for pretty much no reason. Eric looked terrified! That seemed even funnier to me.

Last night while I was trying to go to sleep, I was thinking about the dates the doctor gave us for probably conception. If she's right, which for obvious reasons I hope she is, I think there's a good chance we'll have a boy. Supposedly, you are more likely to have a boy the closer intercourse is to ovulation, since the boy sperm swim faster and get to the egg first. The girls, apparently are slower, but live longer, so if you do it a couple days before ovulation the chance for a girl goes up. (Although, I think the chances are more like 51-52% instead of 50%, not a dramatic differance). She said she thinks ovulation happened around August 9th. We were together on August 4 (seems a little too far out to me), and the 9th and 10th. Sorry Mom and Dad if you're reading, but I kept track in case the doctor wanted to try to figure out when conception happened. I'm kind of glad I did right now. Well, that's it for now. I can't wait until Friday, to be sure everythings o.k. I'm trusting and praying that the doctor is right and that my body is acting normal, because it is normal, but I won't be able to truely relax until we get to see it again. Five more days.

I'm feeling much better today than I did on Thursday. I went back to work on Friday with a positive attitude and trying to believe that the only thing wrong was my timing. A couple of people at work knew what had happened and they tried to make me cheer up. They asked me if the doctor did an HCG Beta blood test. The test measures hormone levels in your blood to make sure the pregnancy is viable and is progressing properly. I knew they took a lot of blood, so I called the nurse to ask if they did the test and if so, could I get the results. The nurse called me back and left a message saying that Dr. DeAngelo didn't see much value in the test once you can see something on ultrasound and so they had not ordered it. She told me if I wanted it done, they could call the lab and ask them to do it, but I wouldn't know the results until Monday and would also have had to get blood drawn again on Saturday or Monday to compare the levels to. We played a little phone tag, as I called and left another message for the nurse asking when they do find the test valuable and why exactly it wasn't a good test for me. This time when she called me back we got to chat and she explained that they use the test early in pregnancy before you can see anything by ultrasound to make sure that the baby is growing and the pregnancy is progressing. Once they can actually see the baby, however, ultrasound is a better tool. They can see my baby, so she didn't order the test. I accepted that and then reitterated my concern over how they count the weeks. This time I got a much clearer response that when they measured me they were measuring weeks of fetal growth. So when she said 6 weeks, she did mean from conception, so the dates she gave me for expected conception were accurate. That means according to the pregnancy books, when you add on those 2 weeks at the beginning, I'm actually around the 8 week mark. This is only 2 weeks off of what I thought. That makes a whole lot more sense to me and makes me feel a whole lot better. She again assured me that for that measurement the heartbeat thing was normal, and that everything else looked healthy and like it should. Now I just need to wait until Friday and have it all confirmed by another ultrasound.

Week ?

Today was my first prenatal visit. I've been looking forward to this visit since I scheduled it 4 weeks ago. However, the actual experience wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. I've had a little time to reflect and think I'm handling things much better now, so I wanted to make sure I journaled this, so I wouldn't forget anything.

Eric and I got to the appointment 30 minutes early as requested and filled out the 1 form that wasn't sent in the package in the mail. We then sat down and only had to wait about 5 or 10 minutes before they called me back. Eric got to wait in an exam room while they took my weight, blood pressure, and a urine sample. Apparently that will become a regular thing. Then I went to the exam room and answered a couple of questions for the nurse. Then the doctor came in and took my information about the date of my last period and told me that she was going to take a few cultures (in an internal exam), do an ultrasound to check my dates, and then take blood for all the other tests. She asked us if we had questions for her yet, which we didn't. I just thought I'd see what info we were given at the first visit and then start making lists later. She said that the vitamin I've been taking is ok, but that she would give me some samples of prescription ones that I could take. Then I got undressed and ready for my exam and they were doing a vaginal ultrasound. The exam went fine, and Eric stayed safely by my head. When she started the ultrasound, it was cool that we could see this gray spot in the middle of this black sac of fluid. I was of course looking for a heartbeat and was a little concerned that nothing seemed to be moving. The doctor didn't say anything at first, and then said that what she was looking for was a heartbeat and she wasn't finding one. Then she clicked on the spot to take some measurements and said that I was only measuring at about 6 weeks. She finished up that ultrasound and went and looked at the calendar. She said that at 6 weeks she thinks I conceived around August 9. She also said that that timeline matches up well with when I got a postitive pregnancy test. She could tell I was very concerned and said that if I was measuring at 9 weeks and she couldn't find a heartbeat that she would be concerned, but at 6 weeks it may just be to early to see it. She decided to set me up for another appointment for an ultrasound next week to check and see if we have made progress and growth, and hopefully to see the heartbeat.

I'm a little confused about the dates. Saying I conceived around August 9th (six weeks ago), to me would mean that I'm 8 weeks along, which would make sense to me, but she said that I measured 6 weeks, which (to me) would mean that I conceived around the 23rd, which is when I got a positive test and wouldn't be possible, so I'm a bit confused. Thinking about it too much makes me worry, so I'm just going to go with the doctor, that I'm just off and everything is fine and pray that next week at the appointment we have sufficient growth and see that precious heartbeat. Another positive note is that I haven't had any negative signs such as bleeding, spotting, or cramping. The human body is an amazing thing and I have to believe that if there was a problem, my body would be taking care of it.

So, when I got home I was very upset and thinking the worst. After a discussion with a close friend at work by phone, I decided not to go back to the office, as I would have been a mess and not very productive. I called the nurse to ask about how the weeks were counted. While her answer didn't really help, she did say she talked to the doctor and she said that the sac and everything else looked fine. I also took another pregnancy test when I got home and felt a little reassured when it was still very positive.

On another note, I did remember to ask 2 questions at the doctor. Number 1, I asked how frequently I get to have ultrasounds. Not counting next week, she said that my next ultrasound will be at 32 weeks. She doesn't do the early one at 20 weeks where you can tell the sex unless there is some problem or concern that she feels it's necessary. I may try to talk her into doing one earlier, since my insurance will pay for it. We'll see. Number 2, she assured me that I am probably going to have a large baby. She said that the baby's weight usually cooresponds to the mother's birth weight. I weighed 9 pounds at birth and Eric weighed 9 pounds 13 ounces. She said, "Sorry sweetie." She did say that that would be an advantage to the 32 week ultrasound, because they could get an estimate of the baby's weight and know if it looks like it's heading for the large baby range.

Well, that's enough for now. My next ultrasound is Friday next week. I just have to try not to worry until then and say some prayers that next week it will be bigger and hopefully we'll get to see that heartbeat!

9 Weeks, 2 Days

It's been a busy weekend. To start out, here's an update of the goings on during Week 9.

The Baby
The baby is now officially a fetus! Crown-to-rump length is .9 to 1.2 inches. This is close to the size of a medium green olive. The baby's arms and legs are longer. Hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over the heart area. The head is more erect and the neck is more devleoped. Eyelids almost cover the eyes. The baby nows moves its body and limbs.

My Body
Each week your uterus grows larger with the baby growing inside it. You may begin to see your waistline growing thicker by this time. A pelvic exam will detect a uterus a little bigger than a grapefruit. Mood swings are common now. Complexion changes are common. Either extra smooth skin or acne eruptions are both common. As the uterus grows you may also feel a dull aching and cramping.

Personnally, I like hearing that my waistline could be thickening by now. I definately notice a difference. Other people looking at me wouldn't think that I'm pregnant, but I can see a new roundness to my lower abdomen. I've unofficially gained 4 pounds. What-to-Expect says to gain 3-4 pounds in your first trimester. I'm guessing I'm going to gain more than that, since I'm already at 4 pounds with almost a month to go, and I don't have any problems keeping food down. I'm not too concerned. I've really changed my eating habits and guess that I would have probably gained 2 or 3 pounds without being pregnant. Luckily I only notice weight gain in that lower ab area and it doesn't seem all soft and squishy like when you just get fat, so I'm ok with that.

On a new subject, Eric and I had a busy and fun weekend. Donna (Eric's Mom) came to visit for the first time since we moved in to the house. We went to dinner on Friday night and then rented a couple of movies. Saturday we went to Aerobics class in the morning and then spent most of the rest of the day and evening shopping. Then watched another movie. It was a good visit.

Shopping, now that was an experience. We went to lots of baby stores. We showed Donna the crib and dresser/changing table we want to get. I'm pretty sure we've made the decision. We'll probably order it in early December. It takes 10 weeks to come in. I'd like to start on the nursery in February. We also went to a couple of maternity stores and Babies-R-Us. Eric was really cool and let me a get a couple of outfits. I don't need them yet, maybe in a couple of weeks. But, his rationalization was, I'm going to need the clothes, so why not spread out the shopping rather than having to buy a ton of stuff when I don't fit in any of my normal clothes any more. I borrowed a lot of clothes from some women at work, but it's fun to have some stuff of my own too. I bought a pair of jeans (I have a borrowed pair, but they are pretty small, and I'm guessing I'll outgrow them by month 5 or so. I also got a great pair of black pants I can where to work and 2 really pretty shirts. Then I got 2 stretchy short sleeve shirts that were on clearance and 2 tank top/camisole shirts. We only spent about $125, so I thought that was pretty good. Then we really went crazy. We went to Best Buy, which is always a risky proposition. We ended up buying a new computer including a monitor and printer. The computer will be delivered in 2 weeks, and Donna bought us the printer with extra ink and photo paper as an early Christmas present. We also got a digital camera. I've been wanting a camera and with the pregnancy and baby, I can't think it's anything but a good investment. Once I figure out how to do more of this posting stuff, I'll start posting belly pictures. Well, that's probably a long enough post for now. I'll give another update when I get some more info. Thursday is the first doctor's appointment, so that will be fun. If I figure out the posting, I'll take a picture of our ultrasound picture and post it.

Week 8, Day 6

Before I start giving regular updates I thought I'd fill you in on common pregnancy symptoms and how I compare.

 Delay of Menstruation - Occurs during entire pregnancy.
- This one's kind of a no-brainer. Yes I'm having this symptom, although some people also have light spotting, which fortunately I haven't.
 Nausea and Vomitting - Appears 2 to 8 weeks after conception.
- This is the one I was afraid of, but fortunately seems to have passed me by. I'm one of the lucky few that may not have any morning sickness. Morning sickness affects 50-80% of pregnant women. It usually disappears after the first trimester, so even if I get it later, I'll probably only suffer for a couple of weeks.
 Tender or Swollen Breasts - Appears 1 to 2 weeks after conception.
- This is definitely one of mine. It started with just nipple tenderness and then graduated to breast tenderness. I've also been growing in that area.
 Feeling Exhausted or Sleepy - Appears 1 to 6 weeks after conception.
- This is probably the most pronounced (except maybe the breast changes) symptom I have. I've been super tired and just wiped out. I've been skipping the gym and going to bed early, things I rarely did before.
 Backaches - During entire pregnancy
- I haven't had this one yet, but I'm guessing as I gain more weight that could change.
 Frequent Headaches - Sometimes during entire pregnancy.
- I've had a couple of headaches, but nothing I would call frequent. I'm so glad I had my sinus surgery first, because my migraines have decreased in frequency. I've only had one since recovering from my surgery, so that's a success. The other headaches I've had have been relatively minor and have responded to Tylenol. Good thing because my Imitrex is not approved for pregnancy.
 Food Cravings or Aversions - During entire pregnancy.
- I haven't really had any cravings…at least nothing weird. I do seem to always want sandwiches for lunch. Like Einstein's Bagel sandwiches, or Subway or anything else. Not burgers, but lunchmeat. I do have a real life food aversion. I can no longer eat chicken. Actually, the only time I've had any nausea was when I smell, look at, or think about eating chicken. The KFC commercial really disturbs me.
 Darkening of Areola - 1 to 14 weeks after conception, then throughout pregnancy.
- Haven't really noticed this, but it may be a subtle change.
 Fetal Movements - 16-22 weeks after conception.
- Still too early for this, but I'm looking forward to it!
 Frequent Urination - 6 to 8 weeks after conception
- This one should be kicking in soon. Haven't really noticed it yet, but I spend a lot of time in the bathroom already, since I tend to drink a lot of water.

So, that's the symptom list. Another frequently asked question is about diet and exercise. I'm a little sad to say that this has changed radically for me. As most people know I had been following the Body For Life (BFL) diet and exercise plan for the past 6 months or so. On the plan I lost 9 pounds and 2 clothing sizes. I was eating 6 small healthy meals daily and doing some time of exercise (either cardio or weight-lifting) 6 days a week. Well, the first thing that started to slip was the exercise. I'm blaming it on first-trimester fatigue, but I have been majorly neglecting the gym. I need to limit/modify my cardio anyway, so I don't get my heartrate up too high, but I can barely force myself to stand and make dinner out of work, so a run on the treadmill is the last thing on my mind. I did have the trainer at the gym set up a pregnancy friendly lifting workout for me though, so whenever I get a little energy back I plan to lift and do a little cardio on Monday, Thursday, and Saturdays. I'm also going to try to keep going to the step aerobics class on Tuesday's cause it's so much fun.

As far as the diet goes, I'm still eating several times a day, just not the same foods. Eric won't let me drink my protein shakes until I see the doctor and she ok's it, so that changed 2 of my meals. Instead of an apple and shake on the way to work, I eat an apple and a granola bar. My afternoon snack changed from an orange and a shake, to a bag of low-fat popcorn. Our lunches and dinners have changed a bit too, since I won't make chicken now, we're eating a lot more beef and eating a lot more of the old, easy standby recipes that aren't BFL authorized like spaghetti and beef stroganoff. I am trying to reach for healthier snacks. After dinner when I should have cottage cheese and yogurt, I don't, but I do try to reach for apples or grapes, rather than loading the freezer with ice cream. While I'm a little sad that I haven't done better, it's really hard to stay motivated to eat right, when the result is weight gain and a big belly rather than weight loss and 6-pack abs. I've kind of decided to enjoy it now, and afterwards, when I need to lose the weight and get bikini ready again, BFL will once again be my friend.

Week 8, Day 5

I have known I'm pregnant for 2 weeks and 5 days. The time has flown by. To start I think I should say that the fact I didn't find out I was pregnant until Week 6, still blows my mind. This was a planned pregnancy. Eric and I decided to start trying around the beginning of June. By start trying I mean I quit taking the pill. The first month didn't work, which wasn't a huge surprise, I mean I just quit birth control, plus while on the pill I had stopped having periods, so I knew I wasn't ovulating. Anyway, that month was ok, because after a 35 day cylcle I had my first period in about 5 months. So then the second month started and we tried to time ovulation according to a normal 28 day cycle. So I was expecting a period or something around August 8th. Now my first post-pill cycle came complete with a whole week of cramps and horrible PMS. So anyway the week before I was expecting my period I had a bunch of "symptoms" (at least in my head). I felt dizzy and lightheaded for a couple of days and then in the middle of the week my nipples became very tender. I told a pregnant woman that I work with, and she swore I was pregnant, so I took a test 3 days before my expected period. No surprise, it was negative. So then I got a little pregnancy test crazy. EPT must have loved me. I tested again on day 27 and day 29 of my cycle. Both negative. So I decided to hold out until Friday, which would have been day 34 of my cylce. I figured by then, even if I was on a longer cycle than 28 days it would be positive. Still negative. This time I gave up, even though I didn't have all the PMS symptoms like the previous month, I figured I was just still irregular from the pill and breasts had become tender, so I thought I would just wait for my period. So I kind of forgot about it. Another 5 days went by and then (it was Wednesday night) I noticed that my breasts seemed larger, I checked with my husband and he agreed, so on Thursday I bought another 3-pack of EPT tests. Friday morning I took ANOTHER test, and this one was finally positive. 6 weeks after the start of my last period. That makes my due date (unless the doctor decides differently) April 17, 2004. So that's my how I found out I'm pregnant story.

So, I'm starting a Blog. This is new territory for me. I've never been much of a journaler, although I do tend to write long descriptive e-mails, so I think I'll be ok. This is also a great time in my life to write everything down, so here goes. This is my first pregnancy. I hope that by recording what's happening here, my friends and family can get a glimpse into what I'm thinking and feeling on a regular basis. I'm not going to promise posting with any kind of frequency, but I'll do my best. That's it for this post. I'll write again shortly and begin my pregnancy story.