Yes, I still exist. I've had a whirlwind of the last 6 weeks. I've got lot's to catch up on, so I even brought my calendar down to help me remember what's going on. Feel free to take a break and read when you get a chance. So where to start?
School
I spent most of November studying. Taking two classes at once was the hardest thing I've done (stress wise) in a long time. It was extremely difficult to stay focused an study every evening. It worked out ok, though. I completed the quarter December 4th and got A's in both classes. I think I worry about it, because I really want to make it through all these classes with a 4.0 GPA. I'm sort of afraid that I won't get in to med school with a B, especially if I'm only taking one class at a time. Next quarter, starting January 2nd, I'm going to be taking the first in the Organic Chemistry series.
Work
Work has been very crazy. Forty percent of my clients have January 1st renewals, so I've been scrambling trying to get the programs together and meetings, etc. They also laid off one of my good friends, so that leaves more work for the rest of us. I actually sent resumes out over Thanksgiving, but now I'm not so sure I'm in a huge hurry to leave. If all goes well, I'll be done in about 3 years. Also, I'm still hoping for a promotion this Spring. I also heard that the bonus pool for my department is decent this year (bonuses are given March 1). I also will be finishing my CPCU in Feb or March and will get a $3,000 bonus once I complete. Then there's the trip to Hawaii for Eric and I to get the CPCU designation this September. Suddenly the hours of work and being unappreciated seem tolerable. It's easier to look at it that way when I know long-term I'll be doing something I love and am meant for.
Thanksgiving
This year for Thanksgiving we continued our new tradition (3 years and running). We all headed to Will and Samara's in the morning and Samara and I cooked, the kids played, and the guys watched TV. Grace and Ava adore each other and it was so fun to see them play and picture the next years watching them grow up together. Eric went home in the evening, but Grace and I spent the night. Samara and I got up early and went shopping on Friday and Will watched the girls. Eric had to work. After a full day of shopping I picked up Grace and we came home and crashed. Unfortunately I didn't get all my shopping done, so I had to go out again (I didn't have many weekends available for that!)
Grace - Cleft Palate Clinic Annual Evaluation
December 5th was Grace's 2 year evaluation at the Cleft Palate Clinic. Again she saw the Plastic Surgeon, Dentist, ENT, and Speech Pathologist. The surgeon said everything looked good in her mouth and no problems. The Dentist also said no problems and that she had "beautiful dentiture." The ENT said her tubes were still in place, but were working themselves out.
I was most interested in talking to the Speech Pathologist. I told her I wasn't sure if Grace's speech issues are just her age and the stage she's in or cleft related. Grace has trouble with the "hard" consonants "d", "b", "p" sounds. She pronounces her d's like n's and her b's like m's. For example Daddy is Na-ee, her friend Danny is NeeNee, Bye-Bye is my-my, book is mook, etc. They asked about her vocabulary if she had 50 or 100 words and I was pleased to say she easily has over 100 words. She'll repeat almost anything you say. Even complicated words like "Alligator." She also puts words together. Go Bye-bye, more milk, no night-night. She even has some simple sentences. "I want to do it." "Can you help me." "Mommy, come here." Anyway, they want us to do a Speech and Language Evaluation to see if we need to help her out. That is scheduled for January.
Final Herceptin Appointment
That's right. On December 6th I had my final dose of Herceptin. I took a great nap in the chair and joked with the nurses that I'd miss my excuse to get out of the office and take a nap every couple of weeks. It's refreshing to know I'm done with the cancer treatment (ignoring the Tamoxifen pill for now). Dr. Y is going to have me do an "end of treatment" CT and Muga scan in February and at that time, I'm going to discuss when I can get my port out. The nurse said they usually recommend that they leave it in for a while. I asked what a while meant and she said a year. I asked why and while she was waffling had to fill in the blank, "just in case." I don't want to leave it in just in case. I have faith that I'm done with treatment. No more cancer. And, if I'm wrong, if it does come back...I've already decided I'll have a double mastectomy, so they can just put it back while they are in there. We'll see if Dr. Y agrees.
Grace Stitches
After my last Herceptin appointment, I picked Grace up from daycare and while at home she wanted to watch a movie. She went into the front room and tried to get into the entertainment center and pulled on the stockings I have hanging. The ceramic snowman stocking holder fell off the entertainment center and onto her head. Obviously she cried. When I looked at it, I could tell there was a bump and it broke the skin, but it hardly bled at all. When Eric got home he wanted to rush her to the hospital. I'm not quite as nervous as he is. I agreed to call my Mom for her opinion. She asked about Tetnus shots and I had no idea if Grace had ever had one. (FYI...Tetnus is the "T" in the DTAP shot, so yes, she was up to date.) So, after stopping at the McDonald's drive through we headed to Children's Hospital ER. Long story short, Grace got 2 stitches in her head. They were disolvable, so no need to get them removed. She didn't lose consciousness and was perfectly normal all evening, so no head scans needed. We were there from 7:00 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. Not fun at all.
Grace's 2nd Birthday Party
The weekend of 12/8 we had Grace's birthday party. I was a little nervous because we had tons of family coming in, but it went really well. Thursday night, my parents flew in. They were supposed to get in at 5:30 p.m, but their flight from Cinci to Columbus got cancelled. The airline put them in a cab, but there was a fatal accident on the interstate, so they didn't get in until 10:30 p.m. Friday, Eric and I both went to work (I had one of those meeting I mentioned), Grace stayed home with Grandma and Grandpa. Saturday morning we went to see Santa at the mall. Grace said she wanted to see Santa, but not sit on his lap. That's what happened. We did get a picture, but Grace is sitting on my lap and pouting next to Santa. My Grandparents (Grace's Great-Grandparents) came over for the first time. Eric's Mom and boyfriend came and Eric's brother and family came too. Saturday night we ordered in and visited. Sunday morning my Mom and Grandparents went to church with us. Grace came home and napped and then we had the party at Chuck E Cheese. It was so nice not to have to decorate or worry about entertaining. I think we had 5 kids and about 15 adults there. (Pictures in Flickr). After the party, Eric's family went home and my parents and Grandparents visited for a while before leaving Monday.
Colonoscopy
Last time I met with Dr. Y I mentioned to him that I'd had some bleeding and with my history and my friend Kim's recent Colon Cancer diagnosis, I wanted to be sure I mentioned it to a doctor. He recommended I get a colonoscopy. So I did. I left work Monday 12/11 at noon to come home and start the prep. I got the stuff to drink. It was so gross. I only got about 1/2 of it down and drank much slower than I was supposed to, but it still worked. Tuesday, 12/12 my appointment was at 9:30 a.m. We got in early and didn't have to wait long. They gave me the anesthesia, but I wasn't completely out of it. I remember watching the TV screen with the scope. Results were good. No problems found, not even a hemorrhoid. I was just advised to eat more fiber. Check that one off the list of things to worry about.
Grace's 2 Year Check Up
Wednesday, 12/13 we had Grace's 2 year check-up with her pediatrician. Her height was 33 3/4 inches and her weight was 34 pounds. She's about 50% for height and 95% for weight. We discussed that we're completely switching to 2% from whole milk. I also need to have her drink less milk (she drinks 4 to 5 sippy cups of milk a day). We should pay attention to what and how much she eats, but not necessarily put her on a diet. She's only 2 after all. I told Dr. H about the Speech appointment and she was fine with us going, but said if Grace didn't have any other health issues she wouldn't have referred us to a speech therapist at this point. Grace had a finger prick and we were done. She got a bandaid on her finger and the whole way to the car, she kept saying "moo-moo inger." Translation Boo-Boo on her Finger. It was so cute.
Holiday Program
Thursday night 12/14, Grace had her daycare Christmas program. Pictures aren't great, but they are in Flickr. Grace's class did Jingle Bells. They walked up on stage and Grace saw Eric and started pointing at him and saying Daddy. Then they handled out bells and started the music. Grace was fine for a minute and then realized all the people in the crowd were watching her. Her little lip started quivering, she kept saying "No" over and over and shaking her head. She even handed the bells back to her teacher. She then started crying and when the song was over, she got to come back and sit with us. I felt bad for her, but it was so cute. I even had several parents say later that she stole the show. Seriously, I think everyone thinks she's adorable. Although I may be slightly biased.
Sick Baby
Thursday night after the program, Grace woke up around 11:00 p.m. I checked on her and she felt really hot, so I took her temperature. It was 103 degrees. I gave her some Tylenol, but she was restless the rest of the night. I even let her sleep in bed with me from 4:30 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. I checked her temp again at 6:30 a.m. and it was still 103 degrees. Eric had an appointment, so I went into the office and got some work to bring home and then spent the day at home with Grace. I checked e-mails all day, participated in a conference call, spoke to a client on my cell phone, and revised a proposal, so it was a fairly productive sick/vacation day. After alternating Motrin and Tylenol all day, her fever finally broke around bedtime Friday night. I did call the doctor and they said it was probably viral. Saturday she was fine.
So that brings us up to the present. Here's what I have coming up
Upcoming Events
Christmas - We're traveling back to Indiana on Friday to do Christmas with Eric's family. We'll be back on Christmas Eve night to wake up at home on Christmas morning. We may go visit Will, Samara and Ava that afternoon to exchange gifts and have a nice Christmas dinner.
New Years - We'll again be traveling to Indiana. Saturday we'll stay with Danialle and Chadd and then Sunday (New Year's Eve) we'll all go up to Lafayette to celebrate with Eric and Erica.
January 2 - Classes begin again.
Iowa - January 12th through 16th we'll be flying to Iowa to see my parents and do a late Christmas with them.
I will do a Christmas update post. I also plan to do a New Year's recap of my goals from last year and then new one's for this year. I may have to make a resolution to update my blog more often!
Ok, I think I'm ready for bed. I'll try not to let this long pass again. I really feel like I missed a lot of my feelings in the post. I need to capture that as it happens.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Halloween Pictures
Grace was a ladybug for Halloween. After some initial confrontation over the costume (I admit the red and black tights may have been a bit much), the evening went well.
We trick or treated for about 30 minutes. Grace got lots of candy and even said "Thank you" at the last 3 or 4 houses. Only one house was "scary" and she started to throw a fit when we got back home and she had to go inside. Grace did enjoy watching us hand out candy to Trick-Or-Treater's though and she ate plenty of her own goodies before passing out in a sugar coma and going to bed.
Check out the rest of the pictures in Flickr, they should be in order if you go to the "Grace" set.
We trick or treated for about 30 minutes. Grace got lots of candy and even said "Thank you" at the last 3 or 4 houses. Only one house was "scary" and she started to throw a fit when we got back home and she had to go inside. Grace did enjoy watching us hand out candy to Trick-Or-Treater's though and she ate plenty of her own goodies before passing out in a sugar coma and going to bed.
Check out the rest of the pictures in Flickr, they should be in order if you go to the "Grace" set.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Why I Wore Red Lipstick...
A week or so ago, there was a Lifetime movie on called "Why I Wore Red Lipstick to My Mastectomy." I recorded it on the DVR and just got around to watching it tonight. I must say I was surprised at my response. To give you a brief overview of the story, a 27 year old woman on the brink of starting to try to have children, finds a lump in her breast. She's married to a doctor and after a flurry of testing they find out she has cancer. She spends some time researching and decides to have a masectomy rather than a lumpectomy and radiation. She then goes through chemo. The story has a nice wrap up including a tattoo to remind her of her fight, a photo shoot for Self magazine showing her scar, and finally a baby being born.
I'm over a year out from my diagnosis, my scars have healed, my chemo was finished 8 months ago, and I'm almost done with the Herceptin treatment. I've never found it difficult to discuss my cancer situation and have in general felt that I've been very positive and optimistic.
Tonight I started watching the movie while Grace was coloring before starting her bedtime routine. As the movie started and she started having all the tests done, I felt the tears coming and realized I couldn't watch it casually while playing with Grace. I turned it off until after bedtime where I could feel free to feel any emotion that came to me.
Watching this woman go through what I've just been through brought back so many memories. I forgot how scared I was those first couple of weeks when everything is so uncertain. I even briefly wondered if I should have considered a masectomy. I realized I never want to do it again. I watched her go through chemo and she looked so pale and frail and never cut her hair as it thinned. I was proud of the fact that I didn't ever get that sick and people always said I looked great (heck I even gained 20 pounds). I'm glad I shaved my hair off and wore my baldness like a badge of honor. I related to the discussions in the chemo room with other patients. I felt thankful that my relationship with my husband only got stronger while at first she struggled with hers. I loved that she got a tattoo to symbolize her journey. So did I, but she did it alone, and I did it with my girlfriends.
And I relized that maybe my scars haven't healed yet. This journey isn't over, it's something that will always be with me. A time in my life that I can reach back to and draw strength from. And I loved the ending where she had a baby (the after credits told about her second one). Cancer didn't steal my life or my future. It made me appreciate what I have and vow to make my life and my future something I can look back and be proud of. So many people don't make it through cancer. If I'm one of the lucky ones that do make it (which I fully intend to be), I want to make sure my life was worth being here for.
Speaking of...I've got a Chemistry book upstairs calling my name. If I ever want to get into medical school....
I'm over a year out from my diagnosis, my scars have healed, my chemo was finished 8 months ago, and I'm almost done with the Herceptin treatment. I've never found it difficult to discuss my cancer situation and have in general felt that I've been very positive and optimistic.
Tonight I started watching the movie while Grace was coloring before starting her bedtime routine. As the movie started and she started having all the tests done, I felt the tears coming and realized I couldn't watch it casually while playing with Grace. I turned it off until after bedtime where I could feel free to feel any emotion that came to me.
Watching this woman go through what I've just been through brought back so many memories. I forgot how scared I was those first couple of weeks when everything is so uncertain. I even briefly wondered if I should have considered a masectomy. I realized I never want to do it again. I watched her go through chemo and she looked so pale and frail and never cut her hair as it thinned. I was proud of the fact that I didn't ever get that sick and people always said I looked great (heck I even gained 20 pounds). I'm glad I shaved my hair off and wore my baldness like a badge of honor. I related to the discussions in the chemo room with other patients. I felt thankful that my relationship with my husband only got stronger while at first she struggled with hers. I loved that she got a tattoo to symbolize her journey. So did I, but she did it alone, and I did it with my girlfriends.
And I relized that maybe my scars haven't healed yet. This journey isn't over, it's something that will always be with me. A time in my life that I can reach back to and draw strength from. And I loved the ending where she had a baby (the after credits told about her second one). Cancer didn't steal my life or my future. It made me appreciate what I have and vow to make my life and my future something I can look back and be proud of. So many people don't make it through cancer. If I'm one of the lucky ones that do make it (which I fully intend to be), I want to make sure my life was worth being here for.
Speaking of...I've got a Chemistry book upstairs calling my name. If I ever want to get into medical school....
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Some more Results
Just a quick update. Things have been crazy busy around here. I even broke out in hives last week!
Yesterday I had a Herceptin/Doctor's appointment. Good news is that my MUGA result was back up to 69%, so since it went up and not down, I can finish my Herceptin treatment, which only actually is resulting in 2 more appointments! I'll be finished the first week of December. I also mentioned in this appointment that over the last couple of months, when I have a very "solid" BM, I tend to get a little blood. I assume it's just a small hemmroid or something, but with the recent news of my friend's colon cancer, I wanted to at least mention it to a doctor. Now Dr. Y wants me to have a colonoscopy. He made me an appt. with a GI Dr. in December. I really just thought he'd tell me it was nothing and I could file that away in the "nothing to worry about" category, but I think once you have a history of cancer they check everything out. I asked him if he thought this was going overboard, and he assured me that even though it's highly unlikely that I have a polyp (although he followed that up with a comment about the small chance of my breast cancer too), that at this point for me to have a high quality of life, he doesn't want me to worry. So if he can give me an answer and a reason not to worry, he would rather go ahead and do that rather than ignore it. I guess that's ok, but I'm not really looking forward to this procedure and it seems a little silly to me when I'm sure I just have a hemmroid or something. On the other hand I've also been getting consitpated more often than I used to and for the last couple of weeks I've had a little lower back pain, so maybe I should get checked out.
I also yesterday had my annual GYN appointment. No surprises or major events, but I did discuss a little with the Dr. regarding what happens when we finally get to start trying for #2. She suggested that after I stop the Tamoxifen that I use OPK's for a couple of months, just to be sure that I am actually ovulating. If not, she can try to help me out with that, if I am, then she'll have us try for 6 months or so before we start suspecting any problems and move to the next step, whatever that may be. The time will be here before we know it.
In other news, I had my first test in both my Biology and Chemistry classes last week. The Bio test had a curve and after the curve, I got a 97%. The Chem class didn't curve and I got an 80%. Not super happy about the 80, but it's still possible to finish strong and get an A in the class. I just have to keep trying!
Grace is growing like a weed and is such a joy. I absolutely adore this age. However, we're having a minor daycare delima. They sent home a note and starting in November rates go up. In our class room it's an increase of $20 per week. Now we'll be paying $5 more than when she was in the infant room. I'm guessing it's still reasonable for the area and we love her teachers and the facility, it just sucks that we're going to have to pay more.
Ok, my family is home and I'm going to dinner with Grace and some women that I used to work with, so I better get going. Just thought I'd pass along some information
Yesterday I had a Herceptin/Doctor's appointment. Good news is that my MUGA result was back up to 69%, so since it went up and not down, I can finish my Herceptin treatment, which only actually is resulting in 2 more appointments! I'll be finished the first week of December. I also mentioned in this appointment that over the last couple of months, when I have a very "solid" BM, I tend to get a little blood. I assume it's just a small hemmroid or something, but with the recent news of my friend's colon cancer, I wanted to at least mention it to a doctor. Now Dr. Y wants me to have a colonoscopy. He made me an appt. with a GI Dr. in December. I really just thought he'd tell me it was nothing and I could file that away in the "nothing to worry about" category, but I think once you have a history of cancer they check everything out. I asked him if he thought this was going overboard, and he assured me that even though it's highly unlikely that I have a polyp (although he followed that up with a comment about the small chance of my breast cancer too), that at this point for me to have a high quality of life, he doesn't want me to worry. So if he can give me an answer and a reason not to worry, he would rather go ahead and do that rather than ignore it. I guess that's ok, but I'm not really looking forward to this procedure and it seems a little silly to me when I'm sure I just have a hemmroid or something. On the other hand I've also been getting consitpated more often than I used to and for the last couple of weeks I've had a little lower back pain, so maybe I should get checked out.
I also yesterday had my annual GYN appointment. No surprises or major events, but I did discuss a little with the Dr. regarding what happens when we finally get to start trying for #2. She suggested that after I stop the Tamoxifen that I use OPK's for a couple of months, just to be sure that I am actually ovulating. If not, she can try to help me out with that, if I am, then she'll have us try for 6 months or so before we start suspecting any problems and move to the next step, whatever that may be. The time will be here before we know it.
In other news, I had my first test in both my Biology and Chemistry classes last week. The Bio test had a curve and after the curve, I got a 97%. The Chem class didn't curve and I got an 80%. Not super happy about the 80, but it's still possible to finish strong and get an A in the class. I just have to keep trying!
Grace is growing like a weed and is such a joy. I absolutely adore this age. However, we're having a minor daycare delima. They sent home a note and starting in November rates go up. In our class room it's an increase of $20 per week. Now we'll be paying $5 more than when she was in the infant room. I'm guessing it's still reasonable for the area and we love her teachers and the facility, it just sucks that we're going to have to pay more.
Ok, my family is home and I'm going to dinner with Grace and some women that I used to work with, so I better get going. Just thought I'd pass along some information
Saturday, October 14, 2006
The Cancer Blog
I have a post about me on The Cancer Blog. October is breast cancer awarness month and one of my in-the-computer friends has posted a "Survivor Spotlight" about me. Go here to read it.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Best Friends
No time to write now. I'll try to update on Sunday. Click to see more cute pics in Flickr.
So Much...
I have so much to write about, but only about 15 minutes, so I'm going to give you a list of topics, I'd like to talk about and then the one that I feel is most important right now.
Topics I Don't Have Time to Discuss Right Now- Last Tuesday (10/3) was my 3 year anniversary of my D&C
- I was asked to join a Task Force at work for the whole zone that could get me some valuable exposure and will look great on a resume
- I was given 2 new accounts at work
- Tuesday (10/3) Grace went to her first dentist appointment
- Friday (10/6) Eric had a Colonoscopy. (He's fine, just some hemmroids)
- The weekend. Visit to the pumpkin farm, pumpking painting, and playing with Ava including pictures.
- I was asked to do an interview/bio for The Cancer Blog by a fellow blogger. (Still want to do it, haven't had time to answer the questions)
Here's what I do want to talk about. One of my friends and coworkers, Kim, also had a colonoscopy on Friday. We joked because she and Eric had the same doctor and were only a couple hours apart. Monday, I found out that she is not fine. They found a large tumor and she has colong cancer. This breaks my heart as she is a 43 year old single mother. Her youngest is 2 1/2 and was due only a week from when my first baby was due. She babysits for Grace on occasion and is a wonderful person. She's trying to be strong, but she worries. They did more tests, and what we know so far, is that the tumor was large and probably had been there for a couple of years. She is getting a port this week and will start chemo next week. She'll do 5 weeks (possibly continuously), then wait 8 weeks and have surgery to remove it. During her CT, they also saw 4 small spots on her liver, but the doctor isn't convinced that those spots are cancer. For her sake, I certainly hope they aren't. I'm just so sad for her, but I keep trying to give her encouragement and offering to be support for her in whatever way she needs it. I hate that I know so many people around me dealing with this, but if my experience can be a source of strength or hope for one of them, it was worth it. Kim is going to have a hard fight, but when she gets through it, she will be stronger, more compassionate, and really appreciate the best parts of life. I look forward to her transformation. I hope it is filled with as little pain and fear as possible. Please keep Kim in your prayers.
Topics I Don't Have Time to Discuss Right Now- Last Tuesday (10/3) was my 3 year anniversary of my D&C
- I was asked to join a Task Force at work for the whole zone that could get me some valuable exposure and will look great on a resume
- I was given 2 new accounts at work
- Tuesday (10/3) Grace went to her first dentist appointment
- Friday (10/6) Eric had a Colonoscopy. (He's fine, just some hemmroids)
- The weekend. Visit to the pumpkin farm, pumpking painting, and playing with Ava including pictures.
- I was asked to do an interview/bio for The Cancer Blog by a fellow blogger. (Still want to do it, haven't had time to answer the questions)
Here's what I do want to talk about. One of my friends and coworkers, Kim, also had a colonoscopy on Friday. We joked because she and Eric had the same doctor and were only a couple hours apart. Monday, I found out that she is not fine. They found a large tumor and she has colong cancer. This breaks my heart as she is a 43 year old single mother. Her youngest is 2 1/2 and was due only a week from when my first baby was due. She babysits for Grace on occasion and is a wonderful person. She's trying to be strong, but she worries. They did more tests, and what we know so far, is that the tumor was large and probably had been there for a couple of years. She is getting a port this week and will start chemo next week. She'll do 5 weeks (possibly continuously), then wait 8 weeks and have surgery to remove it. During her CT, they also saw 4 small spots on her liver, but the doctor isn't convinced that those spots are cancer. For her sake, I certainly hope they aren't. I'm just so sad for her, but I keep trying to give her encouragement and offering to be support for her in whatever way she needs it. I hate that I know so many people around me dealing with this, but if my experience can be a source of strength or hope for one of them, it was worth it. Kim is going to have a hard fight, but when she gets through it, she will be stronger, more compassionate, and really appreciate the best parts of life. I look forward to her transformation. I hope it is filled with as little pain and fear as possible. Please keep Kim in your prayers.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
One Year
One year ago yesterday, at about 9 am, I got the phone call that changed my life. I was still asleep in bed, enjoying the last day off work after my surgery and a quiet house as Eric had gone to work and Grace to daycare. Then as I started to wake up I realized it can never be good news when the surgeon calls you herself.
Sometimes it seems like an eternity since that day, sometimes just moments. Now I look back from the other side (mostly) and think "wow" what a year. To recap...Treatment wise, I have had 2 surgeries (technically only 1 since the phone call), 6 rounds of chemo, 6 1/2 weeks of radiation, 10 months of Herceptin, a core needle biopsy, blood draws, CT scans, Muga Scans, MRI's, Mammagrams, all resulting in approximately 37 needle sticks (either by arm or port) give or take a few.
I have decided that I want a career change and have been working towards the goal of someday going to medical school, although I'm accepting getting there is still going to take several years. I finished 2 courses of Chemistry, and just started #3 in Chemistry and Biology. I also completed 2 courses for my CPCU and only have 1 more to take before I will be rewarded with a trip to Hawaii next September. I've been working really hard and feel very confident in my abilities at my job and am starting to think that my boss is starting to get it too.
I've watched my daughter go through so much. She learned to crawl, to walk, to run, to jump. She had her 1st birthday, 2nd Christmas, and a major surgery spending almost a week in the hospital. Her cleft palate is completely repaired now, she can drink from a straw (thanks Grandpa) and she eats all table food. She is talking more and more every day and melts my heart with her hugs and kisses.
I've learned what a support system I have. I have an amazing husband, parents that volunteered to fly in just to sit with me when I heard the news. Friends that have become more like family than I could have expected. Church friends that gathered around me and kept me covered with prayer and were always willing to bring us a meal or babysit for Grace. My work collegues allowed me to take time off as needed without a second thought, and let me come right back and pick up where I left off. Old friends that I hadn't spoken to in years came out of the woodwork and offered their thoughts, prayers, and support. Strangers to me that are friends of other family and friends also kept me lifted up. I am so thankful.
Physically, I have changed so much. I lost all my hair, gained 20 pounds on steroids, and was physically the most exhausted I've ever been. Chemo stopped, I grew hair back, went on a diet, lost the 20 cancer pounds, plus the 10 post-baby pounds I gained. I've learned that I look cute with short hair, that shoes can make an outfit, and you can never have too many pairs of dangly earrings. I feel good, I feel strong and I won't take for granted being able to play with my child, play softball, or pick up a new hobby like golf. (All things I've done this year)
I knew this day was coming up and I planned on writing yesterday, but guess what... I was too busy enjoying my life. Finally after several months of traveling, and studying and working, I had time to spend the day with Samara. We picked up right where we left off and didn't stop talking for the whole 7 hours or so we spent together. We had lunch with our daughters, we made a quick stop at Babies R Us mainly for me to look for fall/winter clothes for Grace. We dropped Grace off at home for her nap and then went to the mall. After all the shopping, we came back to my house, grilled out with the family and talked some more. She again made me thankful that I've been blessed with such wonderful friends. She also gave me a little more perspective about continuing my family. I'm still going to play it by ear, but I think I'm officially moving my planned Med school start date back a year. It was going to be very difficult to meet the goal anyway, and highly unlikely that I would have been able to have another child before school. If I take another year (now looking at pre-req, MCAT, and application completion in 2009, with a 2010 start date), I'll have a longer time frame to have another child. This way if we have difficulties (which we won't know until we try), I'll have at least a full year to figure out what we are going to do about it. Plus right now I have great insurance that would pay for most fertility treatments if needed. Not sure what the insurance will look like after I quit my job and we switch to Eric's company plan. Still have another year to wait, but really what's a year?
So, this isn't a sad post. I wouldn't have chosen breast cancer and the treatments weren't fun, but really, I survived. I am a survivor. Now, I just need to keep living my life and never forget the lessons that this year has taught me.
Sometimes it seems like an eternity since that day, sometimes just moments. Now I look back from the other side (mostly) and think "wow" what a year. To recap...Treatment wise, I have had 2 surgeries (technically only 1 since the phone call), 6 rounds of chemo, 6 1/2 weeks of radiation, 10 months of Herceptin, a core needle biopsy, blood draws, CT scans, Muga Scans, MRI's, Mammagrams, all resulting in approximately 37 needle sticks (either by arm or port) give or take a few.
I have decided that I want a career change and have been working towards the goal of someday going to medical school, although I'm accepting getting there is still going to take several years. I finished 2 courses of Chemistry, and just started #3 in Chemistry and Biology. I also completed 2 courses for my CPCU and only have 1 more to take before I will be rewarded with a trip to Hawaii next September. I've been working really hard and feel very confident in my abilities at my job and am starting to think that my boss is starting to get it too.
I've watched my daughter go through so much. She learned to crawl, to walk, to run, to jump. She had her 1st birthday, 2nd Christmas, and a major surgery spending almost a week in the hospital. Her cleft palate is completely repaired now, she can drink from a straw (thanks Grandpa) and she eats all table food. She is talking more and more every day and melts my heart with her hugs and kisses.
I've learned what a support system I have. I have an amazing husband, parents that volunteered to fly in just to sit with me when I heard the news. Friends that have become more like family than I could have expected. Church friends that gathered around me and kept me covered with prayer and were always willing to bring us a meal or babysit for Grace. My work collegues allowed me to take time off as needed without a second thought, and let me come right back and pick up where I left off. Old friends that I hadn't spoken to in years came out of the woodwork and offered their thoughts, prayers, and support. Strangers to me that are friends of other family and friends also kept me lifted up. I am so thankful.
Physically, I have changed so much. I lost all my hair, gained 20 pounds on steroids, and was physically the most exhausted I've ever been. Chemo stopped, I grew hair back, went on a diet, lost the 20 cancer pounds, plus the 10 post-baby pounds I gained. I've learned that I look cute with short hair, that shoes can make an outfit, and you can never have too many pairs of dangly earrings. I feel good, I feel strong and I won't take for granted being able to play with my child, play softball, or pick up a new hobby like golf. (All things I've done this year)
I knew this day was coming up and I planned on writing yesterday, but guess what... I was too busy enjoying my life. Finally after several months of traveling, and studying and working, I had time to spend the day with Samara. We picked up right where we left off and didn't stop talking for the whole 7 hours or so we spent together. We had lunch with our daughters, we made a quick stop at Babies R Us mainly for me to look for fall/winter clothes for Grace. We dropped Grace off at home for her nap and then went to the mall. After all the shopping, we came back to my house, grilled out with the family and talked some more. She again made me thankful that I've been blessed with such wonderful friends. She also gave me a little more perspective about continuing my family. I'm still going to play it by ear, but I think I'm officially moving my planned Med school start date back a year. It was going to be very difficult to meet the goal anyway, and highly unlikely that I would have been able to have another child before school. If I take another year (now looking at pre-req, MCAT, and application completion in 2009, with a 2010 start date), I'll have a longer time frame to have another child. This way if we have difficulties (which we won't know until we try), I'll have at least a full year to figure out what we are going to do about it. Plus right now I have great insurance that would pay for most fertility treatments if needed. Not sure what the insurance will look like after I quit my job and we switch to Eric's company plan. Still have another year to wait, but really what's a year?
So, this isn't a sad post. I wouldn't have chosen breast cancer and the treatments weren't fun, but really, I survived. I am a survivor. Now, I just need to keep living my life and never forget the lessons that this year has taught me.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Lost & Found
These items were left behind last weekend. If they are yours, please contact me to claim them.
Also, I uploaded more pics from the weekend and some random ones of Grace in Flickr.
Also, I uploaded more pics from the weekend and some random ones of Grace in Flickr.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
GWO Girls
I haven't uploaded any other pictures, but this is the girls right before going out dancing.
Last weekend I hosted another Girl's Weekend. Thursday night Erica and Danialle drove over. We watched a little TV caught up and went to bed.
Friday, we got up and sent Grace off to daycare and then went to a local 9-hole golf course and played a round. Erica and Danialle had never golfed, but they both did really well. I think Erica may even take up the sport now and we've discussed golfing on other Girls Weekends (when the weather is nice). After golfing we went to Target for a little shopping and then browed DSW before heading home to visit with Grace before her bedtime. Heather drove over and arrived around the time we put Grace to bed. Then we went and picked up BW3's and took it back home to watch a little TV and catch up some more.
Saturday we got up early and hit the stores as soon as they opened. First stop was Kohl's. There was a lot of group cooperation and trying on of clothes. (See my outfit in the picture). Three hours later we checked out. (Good thing I've been working all that overtime!). Next we went to DSW and Filene's where I bought 2 pair of boots for only $30 each! After that stop we headed to the mall. Most of the damage for me was jewelry and accessories. FUN! We came home and took a nap for about an hour to get ready for the night. We then took our time getting all sexy for the night. Finally around 8:30 we went to El Vaquero for some Mexican. We took out time eating and then went downtown to hit the clubs. Just about when we were giving up on the "hip-hop" club, it started picking up. The dance floor filled, the songs got better, and we started dancing. We danced and danced and danced. It was so much fun. We stayed until about 2 am and then came home and crashed.
The girls got up fairly early on Sunday morning and headed back to Indiana round 8 a.m. I spent the rest of the day being pretty lazy. I let Eric go to Martin's to watch football, since he watched Grace while he let me go out. Overall a good weekend and much needed break from all the stress I've had lately.
Last weekend I hosted another Girl's Weekend. Thursday night Erica and Danialle drove over. We watched a little TV caught up and went to bed.
Friday, we got up and sent Grace off to daycare and then went to a local 9-hole golf course and played a round. Erica and Danialle had never golfed, but they both did really well. I think Erica may even take up the sport now and we've discussed golfing on other Girls Weekends (when the weather is nice). After golfing we went to Target for a little shopping and then browed DSW before heading home to visit with Grace before her bedtime. Heather drove over and arrived around the time we put Grace to bed. Then we went and picked up BW3's and took it back home to watch a little TV and catch up some more.
Saturday we got up early and hit the stores as soon as they opened. First stop was Kohl's. There was a lot of group cooperation and trying on of clothes. (See my outfit in the picture). Three hours later we checked out. (Good thing I've been working all that overtime!). Next we went to DSW and Filene's where I bought 2 pair of boots for only $30 each! After that stop we headed to the mall. Most of the damage for me was jewelry and accessories. FUN! We came home and took a nap for about an hour to get ready for the night. We then took our time getting all sexy for the night. Finally around 8:30 we went to El Vaquero for some Mexican. We took out time eating and then went downtown to hit the clubs. Just about when we were giving up on the "hip-hop" club, it started picking up. The dance floor filled, the songs got better, and we started dancing. We danced and danced and danced. It was so much fun. We stayed until about 2 am and then came home and crashed.
The girls got up fairly early on Sunday morning and headed back to Indiana round 8 a.m. I spent the rest of the day being pretty lazy. I let Eric go to Martin's to watch football, since he watched Grace while he let me go out. Overall a good weekend and much needed break from all the stress I've had lately.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Guess Who...
Guess who forgot to pay her tuition by Friday? Yep, that's right. I forgot to go online and pay and Saturday when I went to do it, they had already dropped all my classes for Autumn quarter (which starts on Wednesday). Today I got online and attemped to re-register. No problem with the last Chemistry class with the Saturday lab, but they wouldn't let me register for the Biology class. When I registered the first time I had to get the department head to sign me in since I don't have the pre-reqs for that class. I'm hoping the signature will still hold and I can get back in without getting all the signatures again. I've gotta find time to do that tomorrow, maybe over lunch?
Uggh. What a difference 24 hours makes. One day earlier and I would have saved myself lots of trouble.
In other news, just found out I passed my 7th CPCU exam on Thursday. One more to go before qualifying for the trip to Hawaii next September!
Uggh. What a difference 24 hours makes. One day earlier and I would have saved myself lots of trouble.
In other news, just found out I passed my 7th CPCU exam on Thursday. One more to go before qualifying for the trip to Hawaii next September!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Results
Thought I'd share some recent results.
First of all, just today I checked and they have posted the final grades from the Summer Quarter at school. I GOT AN A! This is such a relief. I really worked hard this quarter, so it's nice to know that it paid off. Now just 10 days until the Autumn quarter starts where I'll be taking my final quarter of General Chemistry and my first quarter of Biology. We'll see if I can handle two classes at the same time.
Secondly, on August 29th I had my results appointment with the Cancer Genetics counselor. I tested negative for both the BRCA 1 & BRCA 2 genes. After taking some time to process, this really is a good thing. For me personally, it means that I do not have any greater risk than the general population for Ovarian Cancer (2% lifetime risk). This means that there will be no reason that I should need to have my ovaries removed for prevention sake. For Grace, it means that I don't have a genetic mutation to pass on. If I did pass on a genetic mutation, her risk would have been 35-85% to get breast cancer. Now, it's probably still higher than the general population (just because I got it at such a young age), but it's not a near certainty. For the rest of my family, there will be no further testing or other family members to warn. The downside to the negative result is that they still have no idea why I got cancer. I've decided I don't care so much. I'm still doing the treatment thing, but I'm moving on. Doesn't matter why I got it, we treated it, and now it's over. If it comes back I'll deal with it then, but in the meantime, I've got a life to live.
First of all, just today I checked and they have posted the final grades from the Summer Quarter at school. I GOT AN A! This is such a relief. I really worked hard this quarter, so it's nice to know that it paid off. Now just 10 days until the Autumn quarter starts where I'll be taking my final quarter of General Chemistry and my first quarter of Biology. We'll see if I can handle two classes at the same time.
Secondly, on August 29th I had my results appointment with the Cancer Genetics counselor. I tested negative for both the BRCA 1 & BRCA 2 genes. After taking some time to process, this really is a good thing. For me personally, it means that I do not have any greater risk than the general population for Ovarian Cancer (2% lifetime risk). This means that there will be no reason that I should need to have my ovaries removed for prevention sake. For Grace, it means that I don't have a genetic mutation to pass on. If I did pass on a genetic mutation, her risk would have been 35-85% to get breast cancer. Now, it's probably still higher than the general population (just because I got it at such a young age), but it's not a near certainty. For the rest of my family, there will be no further testing or other family members to warn. The downside to the negative result is that they still have no idea why I got cancer. I've decided I don't care so much. I'm still doing the treatment thing, but I'm moving on. Doesn't matter why I got it, we treated it, and now it's over. If it comes back I'll deal with it then, but in the meantime, I've got a life to live.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
GWO Girls and Husbands
Click to see pictures I added. Some from the blueberry farm, some from the wedding.
I'd like to write more, but can't seem to find the time. Grace is being awesome today, so I need to play with her some more. Also, I have to study tonight. I have another Chemistry exam tomorrow. I am happy to report I got an 88 on the last one, so if tomorrow and the final are good, I could still pull off an A for the quarter.
This week will be crazy at work too. Our audit starts Tuesday and I have a big project to get done by Wednesday. I'm not sure how it'll happen, but I see more early mornings and nights with the laptop in my future this week. Uggh. Anybody know where I could get a job that pays well, but doesn't require bringing work home nightly?
Ok, I think Grace and I are going to go start dinner.
I'd like to write more, but can't seem to find the time. Grace is being awesome today, so I need to play with her some more. Also, I have to study tonight. I have another Chemistry exam tomorrow. I am happy to report I got an 88 on the last one, so if tomorrow and the final are good, I could still pull off an A for the quarter.
This week will be crazy at work too. Our audit starts Tuesday and I have a big project to get done by Wednesday. I'm not sure how it'll happen, but I see more early mornings and nights with the laptop in my future this week. Uggh. Anybody know where I could get a job that pays well, but doesn't require bringing work home nightly?
Ok, I think Grace and I are going to go start dinner.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Playing Catch Up
I've been a bad blogger, so this is a catch up post. If you don't want to read all of it, I've made headings below. I've also managed to get the last month's worth of pictures off of my camera, but I need to work tonight and don't have time to upload with titles and captions into Flickr, so that'll have to come later.
School
I'm currently about 2/3 of the way through my 2nd quarter of Chemistry. I have to say that this class is harder than my last one. To summarize, our teacher quit, which we found out on the day of our first exam. I only got a 61% on the first exam (my lowest test score ever!), and now I think my lab partner has dropped out. On a brighter note, test #2 was Monday and I studied extra hard. I won't get my score until next week, but I feel pretty good about it. Also, my lab instructor told me yesterday that he can tell I'm trying to do a good job and I should easily get 95 or so points on the 100 lab points.
Work
I'm still working too much and feeling like I can't ever dig myself out. New stress is that our professional standards audit for the office is in just 10 days and since I'm the professional standards officer, if we do bad, I'll feel like it's all on my head. Good news, I get overtime pay, so I've been bringing home a couple hundred extra dollars each month and we haven't had to dip into savings lately.
Bachelorette Party
Three weekends ago, I went to my old friend Heather's bachelorette party. Now, what happens at the bachelorette party, stays at the bachelorette party, but we all had a good time. I also took Grace for the weekend to give Eric some alone time, and the night of the party, Danialle's hubby got to babysit. The good news? He may still want to have children eventually.
Wedding
The next weekend (two weekends ago) Heather got married. It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, but it was HOT!. I'm talking full sun, 4:30 p.m., no breeze hot. Luckily the reception was inside. The cake was gorgeous, the company was nice, and Heather looked like she'd never been happier. I got a new sexy red dress for the occasion. After the reception, Danialle and Chadd came back to Donna's with Eric and I to spend the night. We were still hot and looking for something to do, so we crashed the neighbor's pool for a late-night swim (with permission of course).
Visit with the In-Laws
Last weekend we again went back to Indiana, this time to see Eric's brother. Friday started off wonderfully. Eric and I took the day off work, dropped Grace at daycare and headed to the golf course. We got there the same time as our Pastor, so we hooked up for a foursome with him and his wife. We cheated alot less than normal, but I still improved my score. After 9 holes, we headed home and quickly showered and packed. Next Eric and I had lunch at Applebee's and then picked up Grace and hit the road. Since we left early, we got into town with all evening to spare. Eric's Mom drove down when she got off of work, so we left all the kids with her and we went to BW3's with Eric's brother and wife. We found a new favorite sauce (Mango Habenero) and appetizer (Southwest Dippers). Then we went to the movies and saw Talladega Nights. I must say I was slightly disappointed. It was definately funny, but it was no Anchorman or even Old School. Saturday we hung out all day in Kyle's pool, grilled out, and then took the kids for ice cream and did a little shoe shopping. Sunday came home.
Sports
I love golf. I've played 4 times in the last 4 weeks. I had an outing scheduled Friday afternoon when I take summer hours with a girl from work, but her babysitter needs her to pick her son up early, so it's a bust. Eric and I, however, have agreed to let the other play at least every other weekend, so this weekend he's playing on Saturday morning, and next weekend I'm going to try to get Nicole from work to play. I'm also still playing in the church softball league. I'm mostly outfield, but last week played 1st base. This weekend is our tournament, so I could have 3 games! Better take my water.
Babies/Cancer Stuff
I don't really want to go into all the details, but the main question I had for my last appointment with Dr. L (aside from having her assure me I could trust the last biopsy results), was getting her opinion on my plan to stop Tamoxiphin early, so I can get pregnant. She was very non-commital and told me Dr. Y is the medical expert (she's a surgeon), so to trust him, but she's never heard that taking the pill for less than 5 years is any better than not taking it at all. However, she did mention that if I told her I wasn't taking it at all, she wouldn't bat an eye (I really am borderline if I need it or not). Then she basically told me that I'm putting to much pressure on myself and that it's not good to stress myself out. I think it's because I told her about taking classes and the window I have to get pregnant if I want to have another before med school, etc. What it boils down to is this: 1. I needed one more reminder that I'm not in control of my life (This is the lesson God has to continuously remind me of 2. I don't have to be finished with my classes and MCAT in time to apply in Fall 2008. I set that deadline and I can extend it. 3. We'll wait and see how we feel in another year or so about stopping Tamoxiphin. 4. If I don't have a baby after my 2 year all-clear and before med school, there's nothing to say I can't have one after. True they'll be almost 10 years apart, but so what? I'll be 34 or 35 and people have babies at that age all the time. 5. I just need to focus on the short term and quit making all these super-long term plans
Diet
Last topic because I really need to go work. I've been doing really well on the Weight Watchers diet the last 3 months. I'm proud to say that as of today, I hit the 20 pound mark. I'm now officially 3 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I still would like to get rid of another 5 to 7, but then I'll be set. Next I'll have to figure out a weigh to fit in some sit-ups or pilates to tone everything a little more.
Ok, that's it for tonight. I'll try to put pictures up this week.
School
I'm currently about 2/3 of the way through my 2nd quarter of Chemistry. I have to say that this class is harder than my last one. To summarize, our teacher quit, which we found out on the day of our first exam. I only got a 61% on the first exam (my lowest test score ever!), and now I think my lab partner has dropped out. On a brighter note, test #2 was Monday and I studied extra hard. I won't get my score until next week, but I feel pretty good about it. Also, my lab instructor told me yesterday that he can tell I'm trying to do a good job and I should easily get 95 or so points on the 100 lab points.
Work
I'm still working too much and feeling like I can't ever dig myself out. New stress is that our professional standards audit for the office is in just 10 days and since I'm the professional standards officer, if we do bad, I'll feel like it's all on my head. Good news, I get overtime pay, so I've been bringing home a couple hundred extra dollars each month and we haven't had to dip into savings lately.
Bachelorette Party
Three weekends ago, I went to my old friend Heather's bachelorette party. Now, what happens at the bachelorette party, stays at the bachelorette party, but we all had a good time. I also took Grace for the weekend to give Eric some alone time, and the night of the party, Danialle's hubby got to babysit. The good news? He may still want to have children eventually.
Wedding
The next weekend (two weekends ago) Heather got married. It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, but it was HOT!. I'm talking full sun, 4:30 p.m., no breeze hot. Luckily the reception was inside. The cake was gorgeous, the company was nice, and Heather looked like she'd never been happier. I got a new sexy red dress for the occasion. After the reception, Danialle and Chadd came back to Donna's with Eric and I to spend the night. We were still hot and looking for something to do, so we crashed the neighbor's pool for a late-night swim (with permission of course).
Visit with the In-Laws
Last weekend we again went back to Indiana, this time to see Eric's brother. Friday started off wonderfully. Eric and I took the day off work, dropped Grace at daycare and headed to the golf course. We got there the same time as our Pastor, so we hooked up for a foursome with him and his wife. We cheated alot less than normal, but I still improved my score. After 9 holes, we headed home and quickly showered and packed. Next Eric and I had lunch at Applebee's and then picked up Grace and hit the road. Since we left early, we got into town with all evening to spare. Eric's Mom drove down when she got off of work, so we left all the kids with her and we went to BW3's with Eric's brother and wife. We found a new favorite sauce (Mango Habenero) and appetizer (Southwest Dippers). Then we went to the movies and saw Talladega Nights. I must say I was slightly disappointed. It was definately funny, but it was no Anchorman or even Old School. Saturday we hung out all day in Kyle's pool, grilled out, and then took the kids for ice cream and did a little shoe shopping. Sunday came home.
Sports
I love golf. I've played 4 times in the last 4 weeks. I had an outing scheduled Friday afternoon when I take summer hours with a girl from work, but her babysitter needs her to pick her son up early, so it's a bust. Eric and I, however, have agreed to let the other play at least every other weekend, so this weekend he's playing on Saturday morning, and next weekend I'm going to try to get Nicole from work to play. I'm also still playing in the church softball league. I'm mostly outfield, but last week played 1st base. This weekend is our tournament, so I could have 3 games! Better take my water.
Babies/Cancer Stuff
I don't really want to go into all the details, but the main question I had for my last appointment with Dr. L (aside from having her assure me I could trust the last biopsy results), was getting her opinion on my plan to stop Tamoxiphin early, so I can get pregnant. She was very non-commital and told me Dr. Y is the medical expert (she's a surgeon), so to trust him, but she's never heard that taking the pill for less than 5 years is any better than not taking it at all. However, she did mention that if I told her I wasn't taking it at all, she wouldn't bat an eye (I really am borderline if I need it or not). Then she basically told me that I'm putting to much pressure on myself and that it's not good to stress myself out. I think it's because I told her about taking classes and the window I have to get pregnant if I want to have another before med school, etc. What it boils down to is this: 1. I needed one more reminder that I'm not in control of my life (This is the lesson God has to continuously remind me of 2. I don't have to be finished with my classes and MCAT in time to apply in Fall 2008. I set that deadline and I can extend it. 3. We'll wait and see how we feel in another year or so about stopping Tamoxiphin. 4. If I don't have a baby after my 2 year all-clear and before med school, there's nothing to say I can't have one after. True they'll be almost 10 years apart, but so what? I'll be 34 or 35 and people have babies at that age all the time. 5. I just need to focus on the short term and quit making all these super-long term plans
Diet
Last topic because I really need to go work. I've been doing really well on the Weight Watchers diet the last 3 months. I'm proud to say that as of today, I hit the 20 pound mark. I'm now officially 3 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I still would like to get rid of another 5 to 7, but then I'll be set. Next I'll have to figure out a weigh to fit in some sit-ups or pilates to tone everything a little more.
Ok, that's it for tonight. I'll try to put pictures up this week.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
All Clear
Just a quick post to let everyone know that I got the call from Dr. L's office today and the results were "benign." That is a relief and I hope to get a little more info at my appointment on Thursday. Thank you all for your prayers.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Worries
I wasn’t going to write this until the whole story was complete, but I changed my mind for two reasons. One, this is supposed to be my journal, and I think I should record my feelings right now which are bound to be different than they will be in two days, regardless of the end of the story. Number two, I’m never one to turn down prayers, so getting this out there early, may get me some more prayer time.
Last Tuesday (7/25), I took the whole day off work for tons of Dr.’s appointments. It started off with a 9:30 a.m. appointment with the Cancer Genetics counselor. We had a good chat for probably an hour and a half about the BRCA 1 & 2 testing and what a positive or negative response would mean for me and the rest of the family. It ended with me going to the lab and getting my blood drawn to send away for the DNA analysis. I’ll get my results at my next appointment on August 29th. Also at the blood draw, they took a couple more vials of blood for my blood work ordered for my 8/3 appointment with Dr. L.
Next, I decided to meet some friends for lunch before heading back for my 1:00 p.m. tests. I started with a chest x-ray, followed by a mammogram, then a breast ultrasound. All ordered for my 8/3 appointment. The radiologist checked my mammogram and said it looked clear. Then when I went in for the ultrasound I asked the Tech a question. I’ve noticed lately that my lumpectomy scar is very thick and solid underneath. I asked how I should know the difference between scar tissue or something else coming back. To try to describe my concern, my lumpectomy scar feels completely different from my lymph node scar and even my port scar. When I saw Dr. L in February, she mentioned that my scar felt thick, but at that time, I had her feel my lymph node scar and they were both thick. Now, it’s just the lumpectomy. Plus, it’s not the same across the whole length of the scar. There is one spot under the scar that is more solid and firm than the rest of it. So, I asked the question. The Tech said she would look at that area more closely and then have the breast health nurse talk to me. When she finished she called in the radiologist and the nurse. The radiologist said she really couldn’t tell if there was something there. There was a “shadowy” area under my scar, but she said all scars look bad on ultrasound, and since she hadn’t seen it before, she couldn’t tell if it was a change or just my baseline. She suggested that I discuss it with Dr. L next week, she’d write it up in her report, and maybe if Dr. L seemed concerned, she would do a FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration). I mentioned that I wasn’t interested in a FNA, considering the first one I ever had gave me a false-negative.
Now to Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon, I had an appointment with Dr. Y for my Herceptin and it was also Dr. visit day, so I got to talk to him in an exam room. He came in with my MUGA results (from 6/19) and my blood work from Tuesday. I can’t remember if I mentioned it before, but my previous MUGA scans were 71% (baseline), and 72% (February). My June scan was 61%. Over 50% is considered normal, but this is a pretty big drop for me. He said if it goes into the 50’s we’ll stop Herceptin, so I’m going to get checked again in October and we’ll hope it goes back up. Then he looked at my blood work which was fine. Then when he asked if I had any questions, I relayed the information from Tuesday’s ultrasound. He said since I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. L, he would just let her examine me and deal with it. Then I went to the infusion room to get started. A couple minutes later, Dr. Y came to get me again. After our talk her printed off my results from the ultrasound and after reading it, decided he would check me. He felt the scar area and said the same thing. It’s probably just scar tissue, but he really can’t tell. There’s definitely something under there, but it’s hard to say what it is. He would recommend another ultrasound in a couple of months to see if anything changes.
So by Thursday morning, I’m starting to freak out a little. I have another whole week until my appointment, which seems like an eternity, so I call the office on the off chance they can get me in earlier. Worst case scenario is I see the doctor in a week. I explain everything to the nurse/admin, who tells me they can’t really say what it is without examining me (duh!), and she’ll relay the info to Dr. L. I get a call back later and a new appointment for 10:15 a.m. on Friday.
Eric decided to come with me on Friday. We got in to the room and Dr. L came to see us. I apologized for freaking out and asking to come in early, but she reassured me that she was the one that agreed to move up the appointment. She did an exam and told me that she also could feel something under there, but it really could just be scar tissue. She looked at the ultrasound and this time I got to look too. I could definitely see the shadowy area, but it wasn’t as defined as the tumor, so I don’t know. She thinks it really unlikely that something’s back, especially since we’ve hit it with chemo, radiation, Herceptin, tamoxophin, etc. However, to make us more comfortable, she said she’d do a FNA. Eric quickly spoke up and told her we weren’t really comfortable with the results of a FNA. She made a comment that it is true that they are less reliable after radiation and with scar tissue (yikes). I spoke up and reminded her that my first FNA said my tumor was benign. Then she remembered “You’re the fibroadenoma girl!” Then she thought for a minute to see what else she could do. She decided to get out her ultrasound machine and see if the spot was large enough for a core-needle (ultrasound-guided) biopsy. After looking, she decided maybe she could get a sample. They numbed me up and then I just watched the ultrasound rather than what she was doing. All I can say is that the core-needle device looked a little like a cookie press and Eric said the needle was the size of a pencil. They had to make a small incision with a scalpel to stick it in and then I felt lots of pressure and pulling and tugging. When they got to the spot, they pulled a trigger and it sliced a piece of tissue and sucked it up into the needle. Then they pulled it out and deposited the tissue into a dish. They did this 3 times. Afterwards, I got very lightheaded and nauseous and thought I might pass out, but it passed. Dr. L said she felt even better about everything after seeing the tissue. She thinks it’s just scar tissue. It will be sent to pathology and I should have results on Tuesday or Wednesday. We’re also keeping my Thursday appointment to discuss everything else we didn’t discuss.
So now I wait. It’s hard. Everyone is acting very positive, but I don’t trust the gut feelings anymore. How many times did they tell me “I’m sure it’s nothing,” before? Hopefully it is nothing, just some scar tissue on a breast that’s already been through a lot, but I don’t know yet. I just pray for the next two days to pass quickly and good results at the end of day. I’ve done this before and I don’t want to do it again.
Last Tuesday (7/25), I took the whole day off work for tons of Dr.’s appointments. It started off with a 9:30 a.m. appointment with the Cancer Genetics counselor. We had a good chat for probably an hour and a half about the BRCA 1 & 2 testing and what a positive or negative response would mean for me and the rest of the family. It ended with me going to the lab and getting my blood drawn to send away for the DNA analysis. I’ll get my results at my next appointment on August 29th. Also at the blood draw, they took a couple more vials of blood for my blood work ordered for my 8/3 appointment with Dr. L.
Next, I decided to meet some friends for lunch before heading back for my 1:00 p.m. tests. I started with a chest x-ray, followed by a mammogram, then a breast ultrasound. All ordered for my 8/3 appointment. The radiologist checked my mammogram and said it looked clear. Then when I went in for the ultrasound I asked the Tech a question. I’ve noticed lately that my lumpectomy scar is very thick and solid underneath. I asked how I should know the difference between scar tissue or something else coming back. To try to describe my concern, my lumpectomy scar feels completely different from my lymph node scar and even my port scar. When I saw Dr. L in February, she mentioned that my scar felt thick, but at that time, I had her feel my lymph node scar and they were both thick. Now, it’s just the lumpectomy. Plus, it’s not the same across the whole length of the scar. There is one spot under the scar that is more solid and firm than the rest of it. So, I asked the question. The Tech said she would look at that area more closely and then have the breast health nurse talk to me. When she finished she called in the radiologist and the nurse. The radiologist said she really couldn’t tell if there was something there. There was a “shadowy” area under my scar, but she said all scars look bad on ultrasound, and since she hadn’t seen it before, she couldn’t tell if it was a change or just my baseline. She suggested that I discuss it with Dr. L next week, she’d write it up in her report, and maybe if Dr. L seemed concerned, she would do a FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration). I mentioned that I wasn’t interested in a FNA, considering the first one I ever had gave me a false-negative.
Now to Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon, I had an appointment with Dr. Y for my Herceptin and it was also Dr. visit day, so I got to talk to him in an exam room. He came in with my MUGA results (from 6/19) and my blood work from Tuesday. I can’t remember if I mentioned it before, but my previous MUGA scans were 71% (baseline), and 72% (February). My June scan was 61%. Over 50% is considered normal, but this is a pretty big drop for me. He said if it goes into the 50’s we’ll stop Herceptin, so I’m going to get checked again in October and we’ll hope it goes back up. Then he looked at my blood work which was fine. Then when he asked if I had any questions, I relayed the information from Tuesday’s ultrasound. He said since I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. L, he would just let her examine me and deal with it. Then I went to the infusion room to get started. A couple minutes later, Dr. Y came to get me again. After our talk her printed off my results from the ultrasound and after reading it, decided he would check me. He felt the scar area and said the same thing. It’s probably just scar tissue, but he really can’t tell. There’s definitely something under there, but it’s hard to say what it is. He would recommend another ultrasound in a couple of months to see if anything changes.
So by Thursday morning, I’m starting to freak out a little. I have another whole week until my appointment, which seems like an eternity, so I call the office on the off chance they can get me in earlier. Worst case scenario is I see the doctor in a week. I explain everything to the nurse/admin, who tells me they can’t really say what it is without examining me (duh!), and she’ll relay the info to Dr. L. I get a call back later and a new appointment for 10:15 a.m. on Friday.
Eric decided to come with me on Friday. We got in to the room and Dr. L came to see us. I apologized for freaking out and asking to come in early, but she reassured me that she was the one that agreed to move up the appointment. She did an exam and told me that she also could feel something under there, but it really could just be scar tissue. She looked at the ultrasound and this time I got to look too. I could definitely see the shadowy area, but it wasn’t as defined as the tumor, so I don’t know. She thinks it really unlikely that something’s back, especially since we’ve hit it with chemo, radiation, Herceptin, tamoxophin, etc. However, to make us more comfortable, she said she’d do a FNA. Eric quickly spoke up and told her we weren’t really comfortable with the results of a FNA. She made a comment that it is true that they are less reliable after radiation and with scar tissue (yikes). I spoke up and reminded her that my first FNA said my tumor was benign. Then she remembered “You’re the fibroadenoma girl!” Then she thought for a minute to see what else she could do. She decided to get out her ultrasound machine and see if the spot was large enough for a core-needle (ultrasound-guided) biopsy. After looking, she decided maybe she could get a sample. They numbed me up and then I just watched the ultrasound rather than what she was doing. All I can say is that the core-needle device looked a little like a cookie press and Eric said the needle was the size of a pencil. They had to make a small incision with a scalpel to stick it in and then I felt lots of pressure and pulling and tugging. When they got to the spot, they pulled a trigger and it sliced a piece of tissue and sucked it up into the needle. Then they pulled it out and deposited the tissue into a dish. They did this 3 times. Afterwards, I got very lightheaded and nauseous and thought I might pass out, but it passed. Dr. L said she felt even better about everything after seeing the tissue. She thinks it’s just scar tissue. It will be sent to pathology and I should have results on Tuesday or Wednesday. We’re also keeping my Thursday appointment to discuss everything else we didn’t discuss.
So now I wait. It’s hard. Everyone is acting very positive, but I don’t trust the gut feelings anymore. How many times did they tell me “I’m sure it’s nothing,” before? Hopefully it is nothing, just some scar tissue on a breast that’s already been through a lot, but I don’t know yet. I just pray for the next two days to pass quickly and good results at the end of day. I’ve done this before and I don’t want to do it again.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
My Baby
I don't know why it hit me today, but I am amazed by the work the doctor's did to repair Grace's cleft palate. She will never remember the first year of her life when she had a "disability." While I remember the special requirements of feeding time, it never slowed her down. I am so blessed to have a perfectly normal healthy toddler. One day I'll have to convince her to let me try to get a picture of the repaired palate. Except for the fact that the back (closest to her throat) isn't quite symetrical, it looks like she has always had skin covering the roof of her mouth.
While we still may have some speech therapy in the future, Grace's vocabulary has exploded. Strangers may not catch all the words, but here are the ones I know she tries to say:
Mommy
Daddy
Zeus
Eat
Banana
Milk
More
Bubbles
Thank you
Please
Hi
Hello
Bye
See ya
Grandma
Grandpa
Hot Dog
Fishies (goldfish)
Table
Outside
Shoes
No
Yes
Uh-ooh
Out
Up
Baby
Yellow
Blue
Green
Animal Sounds:
Woof Woof
Meow
Baa
Neigh
Oink
Ooh, Ohh (monkey)
Elephant (sounds a lot like a horse, but she does her arm like a trunk)
Quack
Tweet-Tweet
There's probably more, but that's all I can think of right now. She's such a big girl and she amazes me daily. She's becoming a mimic and is trying to do so much more every day. She loves to try on people's shoes. She loves to color. I still think she's left handed. She helps pick up and will put her trash in the trashcan without prompting. She also gives the best hugs and kisses. I love that little girl more than I ever could have imagined.
This brings me to another thought. I try not to think about it too much, but it seems like the people that were pregnant during some of the same time that I was pregnant are starting to get pregnant again. Actually I only have two examples, one of which is my best friend. It makes me a little sad, because my maternal urges are stirring. I would love to be pregnant again, but I know that for my health it's best to continue to wait (which isn't that hard considering I have an IUD and would have to have a doctor remove it to get started). It's so bittersweet. I'm happy for those that are moving on with their families, but at the same time, I wish it could be me. I just have to continue to have faith that eventually my time will come and the way time flies, it will be sooner than I think. I shouldn't complain, because at least I have Grace and she's more than I could have asked for.
Ok, I need to do some work tonight, so I'm going to go for now.
While we still may have some speech therapy in the future, Grace's vocabulary has exploded. Strangers may not catch all the words, but here are the ones I know she tries to say:
Mommy
Daddy
Zeus
Eat
Banana
Milk
More
Bubbles
Thank you
Please
Hi
Hello
Bye
See ya
Grandma
Grandpa
Hot Dog
Fishies (goldfish)
Table
Outside
Shoes
No
Yes
Uh-ooh
Out
Up
Baby
Yellow
Blue
Green
Animal Sounds:
Woof Woof
Meow
Baa
Neigh
Oink
Ooh, Ohh (monkey)
Elephant (sounds a lot like a horse, but she does her arm like a trunk)
Quack
Tweet-Tweet
There's probably more, but that's all I can think of right now. She's such a big girl and she amazes me daily. She's becoming a mimic and is trying to do so much more every day. She loves to try on people's shoes. She loves to color. I still think she's left handed. She helps pick up and will put her trash in the trashcan without prompting. She also gives the best hugs and kisses. I love that little girl more than I ever could have imagined.
This brings me to another thought. I try not to think about it too much, but it seems like the people that were pregnant during some of the same time that I was pregnant are starting to get pregnant again. Actually I only have two examples, one of which is my best friend. It makes me a little sad, because my maternal urges are stirring. I would love to be pregnant again, but I know that for my health it's best to continue to wait (which isn't that hard considering I have an IUD and would have to have a doctor remove it to get started). It's so bittersweet. I'm happy for those that are moving on with their families, but at the same time, I wish it could be me. I just have to continue to have faith that eventually my time will come and the way time flies, it will be sooner than I think. I shouldn't complain, because at least I have Grace and she's more than I could have asked for.
Ok, I need to do some work tonight, so I'm going to go for now.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Don't Assume
Just in case you ever want to look something up online from Dick's Sporting Goods, the website is NOT www.dicks.com. Sometimes it's better to Google than to type in the address you assume is right on your work laptop.
Just a piece of advice.
Just a piece of advice.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Vacation
We had a lovely vacation and I've uploaded some pics. This one is from the zoo today.
To start with some background, last Thursday I came down with a horrible cold. I was super congested and stuffy on Thursday and Friday. Friday we closed early and after leaving around 3:00 p.m., I came home and started packing for our trip.
Saturday morning we got up early and left for the airport around 7:00 a.m. My head was starting to feel better, but I now had a cough and was losing my voice. The flights were fairly uneventful. The first leg was from Columbus to Minneapolis and Grace napped about an hour. We had about a 3 hour layover, so we took our time walking to the gates and had a leisurely lunch at TGI Friday's. The second leg got us into Des Moines at around 2:30 p.m. (central time). Mom, Dad and Jeremy met us at the airport. From there we split up. Eric went with Jeremy and they stopped by an army surplus store to get camo's for a paintball game. Grace and I went with Mom and Dad and we made a stop at a Super Wal-Mart on the way back to Pella. At Wal-Mart we stocked up with groceries for the week plus some essentials we decided not to pack (diapers, baby soap, baby shampoo, swim diapers, etc.) Grandpa also got a little carried away and got Grace lots of toys to play with at their house. We got home, had dinner and relaxed for the evening.
Sunday morning we all went to church. After church, Eric and Jeremy headed to a paintball game/match that Jeremy had organized with some friends of his. The rest of us, went home and took a bit of a nap. Grace and Grandpa also played in the pool and played with bubbles outside. The boys got back in the late afternoon (Eric complete with bruises) and we headed over to the church 4th of July picnic. There had to be at least 200 people there, and it was a good time. There was lots of good food and some fun things for the kids. There was a bouncey castle, temporary tattoos, necklace making, not to mention a playground and a horse! Unfortunately around 8 pm it started to rain and the fireworks got cancelled. We headed home and put Grace to bed.
Monday, Eric got his fishing license and spent a good portion of the day fishing. I ended up going to the doctor about my cold/sinus infection and got an antibiotic that helped clear me up tremendously. I can't remember what else we did all day, but it probably involved another trip to Wal-Mart. Also, in the evening, Eric and I took a drive on the 4-wheelers. It was lots of fun.
Tuesday was the 4th of July. We had Grace take an early nap, so she'd be ready for the festivities. After lunch we headed downtown in Pella. They had lots of activities in the town square inlcuding mini-golf, a frog-jumping contest, and more. The main event was the parade. It lasted about 2 hours, but we had a really good time. Grace figured out that they were throwing candy. She had so much sugar! She drank almost all of Grandpa's strawberry smoothy. She had parts of at least 3 suckers, 2 tootsie rolls, plus some of Grandma's cotten candy. Wow! Once the parade was over, we went home and let Grace take an afternoon nap, so we could go watch fireworks. We went to a friend of my parents house and watched them. Grace was up late that night!
Wednesday we stopped by my Mom's office to see her coworkers and a Christian book store. In the evening, Eric went fishing again, and Mom and I went to her weekly bible study. Grandpa stayed home to give Grace her bath and put her to bed. I think he was a little nervous, but it all turned out all right. She was clean and asleep when we got home!
Thursday morning, Eric and I drove to a neighboring town rented some clubs and played a round of golf. I haven't golfed with Eric since college and it was really nice to get to play 18 holes with my hubby. My Mom watched Grace and we just enjoyed ourselves. It was a little expensive by the time we paid for the cart, clubs, and green fees, plus balls and tees, but totally worth it. I love golfing. Seriously, I could play a couple times a week if I had the time. We got home around 1 p.m and took quick showers. Grace was napping. Around 2 we left on a double date with my Mom and Dad. We took Grace to one of the teens from Mom and Dad's church to babysit and we went to Des Moines. We watched Superman Returns and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We got home around 9 pm and found that Grace had been an angel. Awww.
Friday, I slept until almost 8:30 am and then had to start packing. It took me almost until 11 to figure out how to get all of our stuff back in the bags and I ended up having to borrow a bag from my brother, to get it all in. Funny how you always come home with more than you take. We left around 11 for the airport and Grace took a little nap on the way. Our flight was supposed to leave at 1:30, but was delayed until 2:25. After fighting sleep on the plane, Grace slept for the final 45 minutes of the flight to Detroit. Our delay, shortened our lay-over to only 2 1/2 hours, but that was still plenty of time to get a nice dinner at Chili's and walk to our gate. Grace ran around for a while, I think she had to keep moving, so she wouldn't fall asleep. She was very good on our short flight back to Columbus. We got in around 8:30 p.m. and by the time we collected our baggage and Eric got the car, it was after nine. Grace didn't get to bed until almost 10 p.m. She was such a tired girl.
Today, Grace slept until after 9 (thank you!). After she was up and dressed for a while, we decided to go ahead and head to the zoo. We were planning on meeting Will, Samara and Ava, after lunch, but Grace was dying to get out of the house, so we left early. We visited Asia Quest, took a carosel ride, and grabbed some lunch before meeting up with friends. Once we met up with them, we did another carosel ride, and visited some more animals until Grace finally fell asleep in the stroller around 3 pm (hmmm, maybe because I didn't give her a nap!) That was our cue to head home and she napped until 5 pm. After that, Grace and went to the grocery store then came home and had dinner. By 7:30 p.m. she was acting very sleepy, so we headed up to bed.
Tomorrow we have church and a softball game and then it's back to the real world. I really needed this time off and had a great time. Next week will be totally crazy. Monday I have a 9:00 internal meeting, a team lunch, a 2:45 p.m. Dr. appt, and class. Tuesday I have class again, and then Wednesday and Thursday I have a business trip to Milwaukee. Back to the grind!
To start with some background, last Thursday I came down with a horrible cold. I was super congested and stuffy on Thursday and Friday. Friday we closed early and after leaving around 3:00 p.m., I came home and started packing for our trip.
Saturday morning we got up early and left for the airport around 7:00 a.m. My head was starting to feel better, but I now had a cough and was losing my voice. The flights were fairly uneventful. The first leg was from Columbus to Minneapolis and Grace napped about an hour. We had about a 3 hour layover, so we took our time walking to the gates and had a leisurely lunch at TGI Friday's. The second leg got us into Des Moines at around 2:30 p.m. (central time). Mom, Dad and Jeremy met us at the airport. From there we split up. Eric went with Jeremy and they stopped by an army surplus store to get camo's for a paintball game. Grace and I went with Mom and Dad and we made a stop at a Super Wal-Mart on the way back to Pella. At Wal-Mart we stocked up with groceries for the week plus some essentials we decided not to pack (diapers, baby soap, baby shampoo, swim diapers, etc.) Grandpa also got a little carried away and got Grace lots of toys to play with at their house. We got home, had dinner and relaxed for the evening.
Sunday morning we all went to church. After church, Eric and Jeremy headed to a paintball game/match that Jeremy had organized with some friends of his. The rest of us, went home and took a bit of a nap. Grace and Grandpa also played in the pool and played with bubbles outside. The boys got back in the late afternoon (Eric complete with bruises) and we headed over to the church 4th of July picnic. There had to be at least 200 people there, and it was a good time. There was lots of good food and some fun things for the kids. There was a bouncey castle, temporary tattoos, necklace making, not to mention a playground and a horse! Unfortunately around 8 pm it started to rain and the fireworks got cancelled. We headed home and put Grace to bed.
Monday, Eric got his fishing license and spent a good portion of the day fishing. I ended up going to the doctor about my cold/sinus infection and got an antibiotic that helped clear me up tremendously. I can't remember what else we did all day, but it probably involved another trip to Wal-Mart. Also, in the evening, Eric and I took a drive on the 4-wheelers. It was lots of fun.
Tuesday was the 4th of July. We had Grace take an early nap, so she'd be ready for the festivities. After lunch we headed downtown in Pella. They had lots of activities in the town square inlcuding mini-golf, a frog-jumping contest, and more. The main event was the parade. It lasted about 2 hours, but we had a really good time. Grace figured out that they were throwing candy. She had so much sugar! She drank almost all of Grandpa's strawberry smoothy. She had parts of at least 3 suckers, 2 tootsie rolls, plus some of Grandma's cotten candy. Wow! Once the parade was over, we went home and let Grace take an afternoon nap, so we could go watch fireworks. We went to a friend of my parents house and watched them. Grace was up late that night!
Wednesday we stopped by my Mom's office to see her coworkers and a Christian book store. In the evening, Eric went fishing again, and Mom and I went to her weekly bible study. Grandpa stayed home to give Grace her bath and put her to bed. I think he was a little nervous, but it all turned out all right. She was clean and asleep when we got home!
Thursday morning, Eric and I drove to a neighboring town rented some clubs and played a round of golf. I haven't golfed with Eric since college and it was really nice to get to play 18 holes with my hubby. My Mom watched Grace and we just enjoyed ourselves. It was a little expensive by the time we paid for the cart, clubs, and green fees, plus balls and tees, but totally worth it. I love golfing. Seriously, I could play a couple times a week if I had the time. We got home around 1 p.m and took quick showers. Grace was napping. Around 2 we left on a double date with my Mom and Dad. We took Grace to one of the teens from Mom and Dad's church to babysit and we went to Des Moines. We watched Superman Returns and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We got home around 9 pm and found that Grace had been an angel. Awww.
Friday, I slept until almost 8:30 am and then had to start packing. It took me almost until 11 to figure out how to get all of our stuff back in the bags and I ended up having to borrow a bag from my brother, to get it all in. Funny how you always come home with more than you take. We left around 11 for the airport and Grace took a little nap on the way. Our flight was supposed to leave at 1:30, but was delayed until 2:25. After fighting sleep on the plane, Grace slept for the final 45 minutes of the flight to Detroit. Our delay, shortened our lay-over to only 2 1/2 hours, but that was still plenty of time to get a nice dinner at Chili's and walk to our gate. Grace ran around for a while, I think she had to keep moving, so she wouldn't fall asleep. She was very good on our short flight back to Columbus. We got in around 8:30 p.m. and by the time we collected our baggage and Eric got the car, it was after nine. Grace didn't get to bed until almost 10 p.m. She was such a tired girl.
Today, Grace slept until after 9 (thank you!). After she was up and dressed for a while, we decided to go ahead and head to the zoo. We were planning on meeting Will, Samara and Ava, after lunch, but Grace was dying to get out of the house, so we left early. We visited Asia Quest, took a carosel ride, and grabbed some lunch before meeting up with friends. Once we met up with them, we did another carosel ride, and visited some more animals until Grace finally fell asleep in the stroller around 3 pm (hmmm, maybe because I didn't give her a nap!) That was our cue to head home and she napped until 5 pm. After that, Grace and went to the grocery store then came home and had dinner. By 7:30 p.m. she was acting very sleepy, so we headed up to bed.
Tomorrow we have church and a softball game and then it's back to the real world. I really needed this time off and had a great time. Next week will be totally crazy. Monday I have a 9:00 internal meeting, a team lunch, a 2:45 p.m. Dr. appt, and class. Tuesday I have class again, and then Wednesday and Thursday I have a business trip to Milwaukee. Back to the grind!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Falling
Where have I been you ask? The answer...at work. My main excuse this time for not posting is that I have worked over 110 hours in the last two weeks. I've been on a break from school and one of my largest clients just acquired one of their largest competitors, I've had a huge project to try to wrap my arms around and it all needs done NOW! The good news is that this is the last week before we're taking a week vacation to my parents, so I have just 5 more work days before having a well-deserved week off. The bad news, is that in those 5 days, I also have to start my next class (Mon and Tues night), make a list to pack for vacation, go to Milwaukee, WI for two days (Thurs and Fri) and then get home Friday in enough time to launder and pack our belongings for a week-long vacation. We depart at 9 am on Saturday. Sigh. Mom offered to let me finish the laundry at her house if needed, so we'll see how that goes.
Now on to more exciting things...I haven't posted on here, but in the last 3 weeks, I have allowed Grace to have two moderate/serious falls. The first one Eric and I both witnessed. Grace was on the loveseat with me. I was sitting with my back to one arm and my legs stretched out to the other. Grace kept climbing onto the arm of the loveseat and then she'd jump and land in my lap. Looking back, it may not have been the smartest thing to let her do. Well, one time she stood up and lost her balance before jumping and fell headfirst to the floor. It's only a couple of feet, but we saw her head hit and her neck twist and both Eric and I were sure she broke her neck. She cried a bit and was a little scared, but a few minutes later, she was running and playing and trying to climb back onto the couch. We debated taking her to the hospital anyway, but she acted totally fine and didn't show any symptoms of head or neck trauma, so we didn't.
Next..last Sunday, Eric was doing something with the youth from church and Grace and I had just came back from my softball game. We went upstairs so I could change clothes. After Grace climbed up the stairs, she shut the gate (she likes to shut things), I headed to my bedroom, leaving her in the hallway and started changing. I remember thinking that I should check to be sure the gate latched when she closed it and then I heard, "thump, thump, thump..." I ran out to the hallway to find Grace laying at the bottom of the stairs looking startled and then she started crying. I ran down and grabbed her and ran back up to my bedroom and layed her on the bed. She stopped crying almost before we reached the top of the stairs. I think I'm lucky I didn't see her fall that time. I chose to think she slid down on her bottom. Let me think that, please. I told Eric when he got home, but of course she was totally normal by then. Just please no more falls!
Last week I was thinking about this alot. She was perfectly fine both times and I am not a "freak-out" kind of parent, but there is a sick feeling you get in your stomach at that instant when there's nothing you can do and you know something bad is happening to your child. I was so scared there would be something seriously wrong with her or worse. It's only been 18 months, but that girl has my whole heart.
Just gotta be more careful. Oh, sounds like somebody's up from her nap. Gotta go!
Now on to more exciting things...I haven't posted on here, but in the last 3 weeks, I have allowed Grace to have two moderate/serious falls. The first one Eric and I both witnessed. Grace was on the loveseat with me. I was sitting with my back to one arm and my legs stretched out to the other. Grace kept climbing onto the arm of the loveseat and then she'd jump and land in my lap. Looking back, it may not have been the smartest thing to let her do. Well, one time she stood up and lost her balance before jumping and fell headfirst to the floor. It's only a couple of feet, but we saw her head hit and her neck twist and both Eric and I were sure she broke her neck. She cried a bit and was a little scared, but a few minutes later, she was running and playing and trying to climb back onto the couch. We debated taking her to the hospital anyway, but she acted totally fine and didn't show any symptoms of head or neck trauma, so we didn't.
Next..last Sunday, Eric was doing something with the youth from church and Grace and I had just came back from my softball game. We went upstairs so I could change clothes. After Grace climbed up the stairs, she shut the gate (she likes to shut things), I headed to my bedroom, leaving her in the hallway and started changing. I remember thinking that I should check to be sure the gate latched when she closed it and then I heard, "thump, thump, thump..." I ran out to the hallway to find Grace laying at the bottom of the stairs looking startled and then she started crying. I ran down and grabbed her and ran back up to my bedroom and layed her on the bed. She stopped crying almost before we reached the top of the stairs. I think I'm lucky I didn't see her fall that time. I chose to think she slid down on her bottom. Let me think that, please. I told Eric when he got home, but of course she was totally normal by then. Just please no more falls!
Last week I was thinking about this alot. She was perfectly fine both times and I am not a "freak-out" kind of parent, but there is a sick feeling you get in your stomach at that instant when there's nothing you can do and you know something bad is happening to your child. I was so scared there would be something seriously wrong with her or worse. It's only been 18 months, but that girl has my whole heart.
Just gotta be more careful. Oh, sounds like somebody's up from her nap. Gotta go!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
What A Week...
There's probably a reason I should post more often and it's weeks like this one. Here are some of the highlights.
Saturday night (last weekend) after grocery shopping, grilling out a nice dinner, putting Grace to bed, etc. I went to the freezer for a Weight Watcher's ice cream bar and found the ice cream to be melted. Our neighbors were out of town, we were dogsitting and had a key, and they have an extra fridge in the garage, so we moved everything over to their place. Sunday morning Eric pulled the grill off the bottom front of the fridge and suddenly it started blowing cold air again. After a few hours, the ice cube trays had frozen back over, so that evening we brought all our food back. We assumed the air intake had gotten blocked because of all the dust/pet hair accumulated under the fridge. After a cleaning it seemed to be working. However, Tuesday morning brought soggy waffles from the freezer, so we realized that our fridge had in fact bitten the dust. Again we took all our food to the neighbors, although now they were home and had to let us in. Tuesday, Eric and I took an early lunch, headed to HH Gregg and purchased a new fridge. It's nice, but stinks to have to spend the money. They delivered it on Wednesday.
Tuesday night, I took my final and am now officially done with my first class. My next round of Chemistry will be starting on June 25th. I didn't get to find out what my grade on the exam was, but I do know that I got an A in the class. That makes me very happy. One down, ten to go (and then the MCAT and 4 years of med school).
Grace has started showing some signs that she is recognizing some of her bodily functions. This week we will be buying a "potty" or two to get her used to them around the house. She has started grabbing her diaper after going. I have noticed after she has a BM, Eric saw her do it after peeing. This weekend she was having a BM while we were shopping, and she got extremely cranky, grabbed her diaper, and said, "Ow, Ow, Ow" It was pretty solid, so I felt bad that it might have hurt a little. She also keeps trying to say more and more things. She now also says, "Ewww" if something is gross, please "eeee", and Thank you "ain oo." I'm starting to understand more of what she says, but the only things that are really clear are Mommy, Mine, No, and Yeah. Outside is pretty close, but is still more like "ow-ide"
This weekend Grace and I left Eric for a Daddy's weekend by himself and drove over to Indiana and stayed with Erica. Our friend Heather had a wedding shower on Saturday, so that was the main purpose of the trip. I took off a little early on Friday, picked Grace up from day-care and started driving. We stopped for dinner and she fell asleep about 6:45 p.m., but we got there at about 8:45 p.m. We gave her a bath and put her to bed and after just a few minutes of crying she settled right down and slept until about 8 a.m. Saturday we grabbed breakfast at home then headed to Crawfordsville. Danialle got a job offer that included a house to rent in Crawfordsville. She'll be moving in two weeks, so we stopped by to check the new house out. After that we had lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant in town and then headed out to Terre Haute to the shower. Grace fell asleep immediately after lunch in the car and slept about 1 1/2 hours until we arrived at the shower. It was a beautiful shower at a beautiful home. The weather was just nice enough to do it outside. And being outside made it easier to just let Grace run around and she wasn't bothering any one. There were even a couple of other kids she played a little with. We left the shower around 4 pm and drove back. Grace slept for about an hour of the trip back which kept her rested enough for dinner and a little Target shopping. We had dinner at the Olive Garden and Grace found a waiter she couldn't keep her eyes off of. It was so funny, she would just stare and follow him around with her eyes whenever she could see him. When we left, we had to walk by him and she just looked him up and down. I think I'll be in trouble when she gets a little older. We finally got home at around 9 p.m. and Danialle gave her a bath and got her PJs on while I got all my nighttime stuff out of the room and reorganized the suitcase. She was so tired, she didn't make a peep and slept until about 7:15 this morning.
This morning we got up, drove back and Grace is still napping. I've got to go get her because I have a softball game in about 45 minutes. Daddy's playing golf. Next week is back to work!
Here's what I have coming up. Wednesday is a Herceptin appt. Thursday I have my inital genetic testing counseling appt. Eric is taking Grace for her 18 month check up on Wednesday. Add in 2 client meetings on Monday and a ton of projects this week at work, we'll be very busy! I'll update again soon!
Saturday night (last weekend) after grocery shopping, grilling out a nice dinner, putting Grace to bed, etc. I went to the freezer for a Weight Watcher's ice cream bar and found the ice cream to be melted. Our neighbors were out of town, we were dogsitting and had a key, and they have an extra fridge in the garage, so we moved everything over to their place. Sunday morning Eric pulled the grill off the bottom front of the fridge and suddenly it started blowing cold air again. After a few hours, the ice cube trays had frozen back over, so that evening we brought all our food back. We assumed the air intake had gotten blocked because of all the dust/pet hair accumulated under the fridge. After a cleaning it seemed to be working. However, Tuesday morning brought soggy waffles from the freezer, so we realized that our fridge had in fact bitten the dust. Again we took all our food to the neighbors, although now they were home and had to let us in. Tuesday, Eric and I took an early lunch, headed to HH Gregg and purchased a new fridge. It's nice, but stinks to have to spend the money. They delivered it on Wednesday.
Tuesday night, I took my final and am now officially done with my first class. My next round of Chemistry will be starting on June 25th. I didn't get to find out what my grade on the exam was, but I do know that I got an A in the class. That makes me very happy. One down, ten to go (and then the MCAT and 4 years of med school).
Grace has started showing some signs that she is recognizing some of her bodily functions. This week we will be buying a "potty" or two to get her used to them around the house. She has started grabbing her diaper after going. I have noticed after she has a BM, Eric saw her do it after peeing. This weekend she was having a BM while we were shopping, and she got extremely cranky, grabbed her diaper, and said, "Ow, Ow, Ow" It was pretty solid, so I felt bad that it might have hurt a little. She also keeps trying to say more and more things. She now also says, "Ewww" if something is gross, please "eeee", and Thank you "ain oo." I'm starting to understand more of what she says, but the only things that are really clear are Mommy, Mine, No, and Yeah. Outside is pretty close, but is still more like "ow-ide"
This weekend Grace and I left Eric for a Daddy's weekend by himself and drove over to Indiana and stayed with Erica. Our friend Heather had a wedding shower on Saturday, so that was the main purpose of the trip. I took off a little early on Friday, picked Grace up from day-care and started driving. We stopped for dinner and she fell asleep about 6:45 p.m., but we got there at about 8:45 p.m. We gave her a bath and put her to bed and after just a few minutes of crying she settled right down and slept until about 8 a.m. Saturday we grabbed breakfast at home then headed to Crawfordsville. Danialle got a job offer that included a house to rent in Crawfordsville. She'll be moving in two weeks, so we stopped by to check the new house out. After that we had lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant in town and then headed out to Terre Haute to the shower. Grace fell asleep immediately after lunch in the car and slept about 1 1/2 hours until we arrived at the shower. It was a beautiful shower at a beautiful home. The weather was just nice enough to do it outside. And being outside made it easier to just let Grace run around and she wasn't bothering any one. There were even a couple of other kids she played a little with. We left the shower around 4 pm and drove back. Grace slept for about an hour of the trip back which kept her rested enough for dinner and a little Target shopping. We had dinner at the Olive Garden and Grace found a waiter she couldn't keep her eyes off of. It was so funny, she would just stare and follow him around with her eyes whenever she could see him. When we left, we had to walk by him and she just looked him up and down. I think I'll be in trouble when she gets a little older. We finally got home at around 9 p.m. and Danialle gave her a bath and got her PJs on while I got all my nighttime stuff out of the room and reorganized the suitcase. She was so tired, she didn't make a peep and slept until about 7:15 this morning.
This morning we got up, drove back and Grace is still napping. I've got to go get her because I have a softball game in about 45 minutes. Daddy's playing golf. Next week is back to work!
Here's what I have coming up. Wednesday is a Herceptin appt. Thursday I have my inital genetic testing counseling appt. Eric is taking Grace for her 18 month check up on Wednesday. Add in 2 client meetings on Monday and a ton of projects this week at work, we'll be very busy! I'll update again soon!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Grace at 18 Months
In a previous post, I had a request to describe Grace's personality and development these days. Last week I got the progress report from daycare for Grace, so I thought I'd share their thoughts and my own.
First of all, I say Grace is definately entering her "terrible two's" although she's at least 6 months early. Here's a prime example...Last week out of 4 days of daycare, Grace got a "frowny face" two days. Here were the comments from her teacher.
Tuesday: "Grace has really been testing today. Doing things she knows she shouldn't be doing, being rough with her friends, and screaming at naptime/banging her crib on the wall."
Thursday: "Grace has had a very hard day. She has not been using her listening ears. She woke all her friends up at nap. Was screaming, yelling, screaming "No." She has not used nice hands with friends hitting/pushing. Hitting herself, throwing toys. Had to go sit with Ms. Michele at nap."
It's not all bad. Except when she's testing the limits, she has a very sweet personality. She is a lover and loves to give hugs and kisses. Every morning she waves bye, bye and blows me kisses.
Here's the progress report from her Froggy class:
Cognitive Development
- Responds to simple directions, such as "Give me the ball" - Y - I agree
- Selects and looks at picture books - Y - I agree. She loves to read
- Names pictured objects - N - She doesn't say the names, but if I say the names, she can point to them.
- Understands concept of one, more, many - N - I know she does with food. She asks for "more"
- Understands prepositions to and with - N - I'm not sure
- Can nestle cups sequentially - N - I disagree. She can even do a shape sorter.
- Points to 4-6 body parts on a doll - P(Partially) - On her own body she can point to hair, head, eyes, ears, mouth, teeth, arm, belly, legs, feet
- Regcognizes self in mirror - N - I definately don't agree. She loves looking in the mirror
- Imitates adult actions, such as sweeping, ironing, combing - N - Maybe I don't clean enough around her, but she does comb her hair, she will also brush her teeth, talk on the phone, or even driving
- Has limited attention span - Y - Definately
- Is beginning to understand functional concepts of objects such as "spoon is for eating" - N - Maybe I don't understand the question, but she definately knows what a spoon is for.
- Freely explores and investigates - Y - She is definately an explorer
Teacher comments: Grace's cognitive skills are increasing more and more. She is always learning and trying something new!
Communication Skills and Language Development
- Points to pictures of common objects - N - This just isn't true. She points to pictures in books at home all the time, especially animals
- Can identify objects when told their use - N - That's probably true
- Understands negatives such as 'no,' 'can't,''don't - Y - Definatley knows what these mean
- Enjoys listening to simple story books and requests them to be repeated - Y - Even tonight she said "more" after I finished her story
- Repeats two digits in order - N - I agree
- Labels common pictures and objects - N - She doesn't say much
- Uses phrases of 2-3 words - N - She doesn't use phrases yet
- Gives first name - N - I agree
- Shows frustration at not being understood - N - She gets mad if you don't get her something she's pointing at
Teacher comments: Grace hasn't started speaking yet, but she loves circle and tries really hard to form words. It won't be long and she'll be talking up a storm!
Words Grace says:
More (moe), Mommy, Mine, Daddy (Nanny), Banana (nana), Milk (mil), Zeus (ooo)
Motor Development
- Runs forward well - Y - She's all about running
- Jumps in place, two feet together - N - She has started trying to jump, but hasn't made it off the ground yet
- Stands on one foot with aid - Y - I agree
- Walks on tiptoe - N - I agree
- Kicks a ball with forward motion - Y - I agree
- Throws a large ball - Y - I agree
- Stands on one foot momentarily - Y - I agree
- Turns pages one at a time - Y - I agree
- Holds crayon with thumb and fingers, not fist - N - I agree
- Uses one hand consistently - N - She stills goes back and forth between right and left
- Paints with some wrist action, makes dots, lines, and circular strokes - Y - I agree
- Rolls, pounds, squeezes clay - N - I've never given her play-doh
- Constructs with Legos, tinker toys, etc. - N - She has some legos and tries at to put them together
- Turns handles - N - She does turn knobs at home
Teacher comments: Grace's motor skills are getting better and better. She is one of our daring froggies, nothing stands in her way!
Personal/Social Skills & Development
- Uses spoon, spilling little - N - I disagree, she uses her spoon very well at home and will even stab with a fork
- Takes off own coat - N - We've been working on this at home, she's been helping get dressed and undressed
- Puts on coat with assisstance - N - Again, she's very helpful getting dressed at home. She will stick out her arms for help.
- Plays near other children - Y - I agree
- Watches other children and sometimes joins in their play - Y - I agree
- Defends own possessions - Y - Definately
- Uses objects symbolically - N - Not sure what this means
- Participates in simple group activities, games, songs - Y - I agree
- Understands gender - N - She has started noticing her girl parts lately
- Increasing sense of independence - Y - Definately
- Generally does as told, or minds - Y - I agree (most of the time)
- May be afraid of thunder, sirens, loud noises - Y - I agree
- May enjoy performing for others - Y - I agree, she especially loves dancing
Teacher comments: Grace loves being around her friends. She never shys to give hugs and make them laugh. She's working really hard to master using her sppon.
It's so easy to think about all the cool things she does, but hard while I'm thinking about it. She loves to make us laugh and has changed so much the last couple of months.
Oh, and she definatly isn't a girly girl. No interest in dolls or playing house. She'd rather climb on anything or her new thing is jumping off of things.
First of all, I say Grace is definately entering her "terrible two's" although she's at least 6 months early. Here's a prime example...Last week out of 4 days of daycare, Grace got a "frowny face" two days. Here were the comments from her teacher.
Tuesday: "Grace has really been testing today. Doing things she knows she shouldn't be doing, being rough with her friends, and screaming at naptime/banging her crib on the wall."
Thursday: "Grace has had a very hard day. She has not been using her listening ears. She woke all her friends up at nap. Was screaming, yelling, screaming "No." She has not used nice hands with friends hitting/pushing. Hitting herself, throwing toys. Had to go sit with Ms. Michele at nap."
It's not all bad. Except when she's testing the limits, she has a very sweet personality. She is a lover and loves to give hugs and kisses. Every morning she waves bye, bye and blows me kisses.
Here's the progress report from her Froggy class:
Cognitive Development
- Responds to simple directions, such as "Give me the ball" - Y - I agree
- Selects and looks at picture books - Y - I agree. She loves to read
- Names pictured objects - N - She doesn't say the names, but if I say the names, she can point to them.
- Understands concept of one, more, many - N - I know she does with food. She asks for "more"
- Understands prepositions to and with - N - I'm not sure
- Can nestle cups sequentially - N - I disagree. She can even do a shape sorter.
- Points to 4-6 body parts on a doll - P(Partially) - On her own body she can point to hair, head, eyes, ears, mouth, teeth, arm, belly, legs, feet
- Regcognizes self in mirror - N - I definately don't agree. She loves looking in the mirror
- Imitates adult actions, such as sweeping, ironing, combing - N - Maybe I don't clean enough around her, but she does comb her hair, she will also brush her teeth, talk on the phone, or even driving
- Has limited attention span - Y - Definately
- Is beginning to understand functional concepts of objects such as "spoon is for eating" - N - Maybe I don't understand the question, but she definately knows what a spoon is for.
- Freely explores and investigates - Y - She is definately an explorer
Teacher comments: Grace's cognitive skills are increasing more and more. She is always learning and trying something new!
Communication Skills and Language Development
- Points to pictures of common objects - N - This just isn't true. She points to pictures in books at home all the time, especially animals
- Can identify objects when told their use - N - That's probably true
- Understands negatives such as 'no,' 'can't,''don't - Y - Definatley knows what these mean
- Enjoys listening to simple story books and requests them to be repeated - Y - Even tonight she said "more" after I finished her story
- Repeats two digits in order - N - I agree
- Labels common pictures and objects - N - She doesn't say much
- Uses phrases of 2-3 words - N - She doesn't use phrases yet
- Gives first name - N - I agree
- Shows frustration at not being understood - N - She gets mad if you don't get her something she's pointing at
Teacher comments: Grace hasn't started speaking yet, but she loves circle and tries really hard to form words. It won't be long and she'll be talking up a storm!
Words Grace says:
More (moe), Mommy, Mine, Daddy (Nanny), Banana (nana), Milk (mil), Zeus (ooo)
Motor Development
- Runs forward well - Y - She's all about running
- Jumps in place, two feet together - N - She has started trying to jump, but hasn't made it off the ground yet
- Stands on one foot with aid - Y - I agree
- Walks on tiptoe - N - I agree
- Kicks a ball with forward motion - Y - I agree
- Throws a large ball - Y - I agree
- Stands on one foot momentarily - Y - I agree
- Turns pages one at a time - Y - I agree
- Holds crayon with thumb and fingers, not fist - N - I agree
- Uses one hand consistently - N - She stills goes back and forth between right and left
- Paints with some wrist action, makes dots, lines, and circular strokes - Y - I agree
- Rolls, pounds, squeezes clay - N - I've never given her play-doh
- Constructs with Legos, tinker toys, etc. - N - She has some legos and tries at to put them together
- Turns handles - N - She does turn knobs at home
Teacher comments: Grace's motor skills are getting better and better. She is one of our daring froggies, nothing stands in her way!
Personal/Social Skills & Development
- Uses spoon, spilling little - N - I disagree, she uses her spoon very well at home and will even stab with a fork
- Takes off own coat - N - We've been working on this at home, she's been helping get dressed and undressed
- Puts on coat with assisstance - N - Again, she's very helpful getting dressed at home. She will stick out her arms for help.
- Plays near other children - Y - I agree
- Watches other children and sometimes joins in their play - Y - I agree
- Defends own possessions - Y - Definately
- Uses objects symbolically - N - Not sure what this means
- Participates in simple group activities, games, songs - Y - I agree
- Understands gender - N - She has started noticing her girl parts lately
- Increasing sense of independence - Y - Definately
- Generally does as told, or minds - Y - I agree (most of the time)
- May be afraid of thunder, sirens, loud noises - Y - I agree
- May enjoy performing for others - Y - I agree, she especially loves dancing
Teacher comments: Grace loves being around her friends. She never shys to give hugs and make them laugh. She's working really hard to master using her sppon.
It's so easy to think about all the cool things she does, but hard while I'm thinking about it. She loves to make us laugh and has changed so much the last couple of months.
Oh, and she definatly isn't a girly girl. No interest in dolls or playing house. She'd rather climb on anything or her new thing is jumping off of things.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Mid-Year Review
I promised that June 1, I would review my goals for 2006. So, here goes.
Health
1. Lose 20 pounds
- 5 pounds by April 1
- 10 pounds by July 1
- 15 pounds by October 1
- 20 pounds by December 31
Not quite yet. My starting weight on Jan. 1 was my weight this week after losing 3 1/2 pounds. So, to be at 10 pounds less for the year by July 1 I still need to lose 10 pounds this month. I'm not counting out finishing the year strong!
2. Plan meals weekly (To start I just want to plan meals, I'll be trying to add a "healthy" dinner to the plan each week)
Not really. I sort of plan to get to the grocery, but don't really stick to it.
3. Exercise (by March 1, I'd like to be back up to the old BFL exercise plan, assuming I have clearance from my doctor due to my port and surgical issues) - I will be starting to use the treadmill as early as this week.
Good thoughts, but not really exercising. Although, starting this week, I'll be playing softball weekly.
4. Drink 4 to 5 bottle of water daily - At first I'll still allow myself Coke as long as I get all my water in. Then we'll be phasing out those drinks.
I have switched to Diet Coke and still get in at least 3 bottles daily.
5. Update Diet Blog weekly. It helps to be accountable and once a week is doable.
Not as doable as I thought. I'm barely keeping this blog up weekly.
6. Don't get any additional diseases or life-threatening illnesses (not that I have a lot of control, but it's a good goal)
Finances
1. Stay within monthly budget
I haven't been tracking the budget as closely as I should have. It's a little easier now that I'm working again and I get paid for overtime!
2. Only eat lunch out once per week
Mostly doing this. Especially with the new diet, I'm bringing my lunch much more.
3. Stop using credit cards
We've had a few purchases we've done on credit cards, but for the most part we aren't using them much.
Intellectual
1. Take 4 pre-requisite courses for med school
I've got the final for #1 on Tuesday and will be starting #2 at the end of the month.
2. Take 2 CPCU courses
I've done 1 and plan to do the second one this summer.
3. Read 4 books for fun
I haven't really paid attention to this. I know I've read at least one, Memoirs of a Geisha.
Spirituality
1. Do bible study daily
Not doing this like I should.
2. Update and pray over prayer list daily
Ditto.
3. Memorize a verse each week
Ditto.
4. Tithe according to committment made to church
Yes.
5. Get involved in some type of group study
I have an opportunity during my lunch hour on Thursday's, but have been too busy at work these last couple of weeks to go.
Personal Development
1. Get a new hair style (just joking!)
I'm doing this! I get lots of comments on my short hair.
2. E-mail a friend each week that I don't already communicate with on a weekly basis
Not really. Just keeping up with the same ones.
3. Send birthday, anniversary and other cards
Doing pretty good at this, at least for birthday's.
4. Join Young Survivor Coalition or other breast cancer group
Nothing yet.
5. Review progress at 6 months
Doing it right now.
Ok, so I've got some work to do for the rest of the year, but they were pretty hefty goals! And at least I'm feeling good now!
Health
1. Lose 20 pounds
- 5 pounds by April 1
- 10 pounds by July 1
- 15 pounds by October 1
- 20 pounds by December 31
Not quite yet. My starting weight on Jan. 1 was my weight this week after losing 3 1/2 pounds. So, to be at 10 pounds less for the year by July 1 I still need to lose 10 pounds this month. I'm not counting out finishing the year strong!
2. Plan meals weekly (To start I just want to plan meals, I'll be trying to add a "healthy" dinner to the plan each week)
Not really. I sort of plan to get to the grocery, but don't really stick to it.
3. Exercise (by March 1, I'd like to be back up to the old BFL exercise plan, assuming I have clearance from my doctor due to my port and surgical issues) - I will be starting to use the treadmill as early as this week.
Good thoughts, but not really exercising. Although, starting this week, I'll be playing softball weekly.
4. Drink 4 to 5 bottle of water daily - At first I'll still allow myself Coke as long as I get all my water in. Then we'll be phasing out those drinks.
I have switched to Diet Coke and still get in at least 3 bottles daily.
5. Update Diet Blog weekly. It helps to be accountable and once a week is doable.
Not as doable as I thought. I'm barely keeping this blog up weekly.
6. Don't get any additional diseases or life-threatening illnesses (not that I have a lot of control, but it's a good goal)
Finances
1. Stay within monthly budget
I haven't been tracking the budget as closely as I should have. It's a little easier now that I'm working again and I get paid for overtime!
2. Only eat lunch out once per week
Mostly doing this. Especially with the new diet, I'm bringing my lunch much more.
3. Stop using credit cards
We've had a few purchases we've done on credit cards, but for the most part we aren't using them much.
Intellectual
1. Take 4 pre-requisite courses for med school
I've got the final for #1 on Tuesday and will be starting #2 at the end of the month.
2. Take 2 CPCU courses
I've done 1 and plan to do the second one this summer.
3. Read 4 books for fun
I haven't really paid attention to this. I know I've read at least one, Memoirs of a Geisha.
Spirituality
1. Do bible study daily
Not doing this like I should.
2. Update and pray over prayer list daily
Ditto.
3. Memorize a verse each week
Ditto.
4. Tithe according to committment made to church
Yes.
5. Get involved in some type of group study
I have an opportunity during my lunch hour on Thursday's, but have been too busy at work these last couple of weeks to go.
Personal Development
1. Get a new hair style (just joking!)
I'm doing this! I get lots of comments on my short hair.
2. E-mail a friend each week that I don't already communicate with on a weekly basis
Not really. Just keeping up with the same ones.
3. Send birthday, anniversary and other cards
Doing pretty good at this, at least for birthday's.
4. Join Young Survivor Coalition or other breast cancer group
Nothing yet.
5. Review progress at 6 months
Doing it right now.
Ok, so I've got some work to do for the rest of the year, but they were pretty hefty goals! And at least I'm feeling good now!
Monday, May 29, 2006
Lots of Catching Up to Do
I haven't blogged in a long time and have lots of catching up to do.
School Stuff
Last post I mentioned my first chemistry A. Well, I had another test last week and after taking a vacation day on Wednesday to study, I got a 96% on what should have been the hardest test yet. I was very excited and now because of getting to drop my lowest score and the rest of the grading, I should be able to get an A in the class as long as I get a mid to high B on the final.
Speaking of the final...It is scheduled for June 6, which I was supposed to be going to Finland for work and was going to have to schedule a make-up later. Last week, I finally got an answer out of work and becuase of cost, they aren't letting us go, so no trip and luckily for me, I can now take my test as planned.
Cancer Stuff
I want to thank Jacki for her nice comments about me on The Cancer Blog. Sometimes I feel like I'm just muddling through, but it always is nice to have other people say such nice things about you.
I've been taking the tamoxifen for about 3 weeks now and so far don't notice any side effects. That's good. I'll just keep taking it for a while and hope it's doing it's job.
In about 2 weeks, I have an appointment for consultation at the Cancer Genetics center. They'll take about an hour to create a family pedigree and go over my cancer risk. If everyone agrees, this is the first step to having the genetic testing done for the BRCA1 & BRCA2 genes. My biggest fear about the genetic testing is that after seeing my lack of family history, that they won't want to do the testing. I want to do it regardless. While they were both smokers, both of my paternal grandparents died from lung cancer and while there doesn't appear to be a connection between lung and breast cancer, I'd still like to know. Plus, because of my age, my Oncologist, Dr. Y, has been throwing around the idea of prophylactic surgery to remove my ovaries, and that's a decision that would be easier made if I knew if I was at an increased risk of developing Ovarian Cancer. Maybe my desire is enough to get it done. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks.
Life in General Stuff
I wanted to give you lots of pictures from our last two weekends, but I'm having a "Memory Card Error" and can't seem to retrieve them from my camera right now. I'll keep working on it though. Let's see...
Last weekend, we drove to Lafayette on Friday night to go to my friend Jamie's wedding. Well, technically Jamie is the cousin/sister of two of my best friends, but that makes her a friend by relation. Pictures are at Danialle's site. It was beautiful and we had a good time, despite the fact that Grace didn't get to nap on Saturday and was all screwed up on her schedule.
This week was a little crazy at work. Tuesday, I went golfing all afternoon. I got a little sun and did reasonably well. I think I could really like golfing if I had a chance to do it more often. Wednesday, I took the day off. In the morning I had to take Eric to drop his car off for some minor repair and then take him to work and Grace to daycare. I spent the morning studying, and then had a Herceptin appointment in the afternoon. Friday was an early close day, so I didn't feel like I got all that much accomplished at the office.
This weekend was also very nice. Friday afternoon I came home and did 11, yes that's right, 11 loads of laundry! Friday night Eric and I watched X-Men 1 & 2 in anticipation of possibly going to the movies this weekend. Saturday, I finished up the packing, took Grace to gymnastics, and then we went to Ava's 1st birthday party. It was fun and Ava really liked her cake! After the party we came home, loaded the car and headed to Indiana. We got to Grandma's just after 8 p.m. We put Grace down in a pack-n-play, until around 10:30 when we headed over to my cousin Karey's house to sleep. Sunday, we went to church with my Grandparent's, had lunch at Pizza Hut, stopped by Wal-Mart so Grandpa (my Dad) could buy Grace a bubble gun, and then went to Grandma's. Grace took a very short nap while we were making the food for a cookout. My cousin Kevin, had a graduation open house in the early afternoon. He was the Valedictorian and played both baseball and basketball. I'm so impressed! We then had a cookout and all hung out until around 7:30 p.m. Then we went back to Karey's and finally got to put Grace to bed. She was a terror this weekend. I think the change in schedule really throws her off, so she was tired and surrounded by lots of people she didn't know. She wouldn't hardly let me leave her side. Sunday night, Eric, my Dad, and Jeremy decided to go to a 10:00 showing of X-Men 3, but Mom and I were tired and decided to stay back with the cousins. We started watching Big Momma's House 2, but I couldn't even make it through that one.
Today, we got up and hit the road around 9 a.m. Grace is still napping and since she's been asleep about 2 1/2 hours, I'm thinking I should get her up, so she'll go to bed tonight.
One last thing... I also started doing the Weight Watcher's program on my own this week. Meaning, I'm following the plans but not planning on going to any meetings. I'll weigh-in in the morning, but I think I lost 3 pounds this week. Yeah! Only 20 more to go. I think this could work though. It's flexible enough, so that if you want to eat something that you wouldn't consider healthy, you can, you just have to count it and make adjustments to the rest of your meals that day. Or there is also a surplus of points for the week that you can dip into if you go over on a particular day, or you can save up for a "free day." For example, I saved most of mine for the cookout yesterday. Yum!
Ok, really, I'm going to go check on the baby!
School Stuff
Last post I mentioned my first chemistry A. Well, I had another test last week and after taking a vacation day on Wednesday to study, I got a 96% on what should have been the hardest test yet. I was very excited and now because of getting to drop my lowest score and the rest of the grading, I should be able to get an A in the class as long as I get a mid to high B on the final.
Speaking of the final...It is scheduled for June 6, which I was supposed to be going to Finland for work and was going to have to schedule a make-up later. Last week, I finally got an answer out of work and becuase of cost, they aren't letting us go, so no trip and luckily for me, I can now take my test as planned.
Cancer Stuff
I want to thank Jacki for her nice comments about me on The Cancer Blog. Sometimes I feel like I'm just muddling through, but it always is nice to have other people say such nice things about you.
I've been taking the tamoxifen for about 3 weeks now and so far don't notice any side effects. That's good. I'll just keep taking it for a while and hope it's doing it's job.
In about 2 weeks, I have an appointment for consultation at the Cancer Genetics center. They'll take about an hour to create a family pedigree and go over my cancer risk. If everyone agrees, this is the first step to having the genetic testing done for the BRCA1 & BRCA2 genes. My biggest fear about the genetic testing is that after seeing my lack of family history, that they won't want to do the testing. I want to do it regardless. While they were both smokers, both of my paternal grandparents died from lung cancer and while there doesn't appear to be a connection between lung and breast cancer, I'd still like to know. Plus, because of my age, my Oncologist, Dr. Y, has been throwing around the idea of prophylactic surgery to remove my ovaries, and that's a decision that would be easier made if I knew if I was at an increased risk of developing Ovarian Cancer. Maybe my desire is enough to get it done. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks.
Life in General Stuff
I wanted to give you lots of pictures from our last two weekends, but I'm having a "Memory Card Error" and can't seem to retrieve them from my camera right now. I'll keep working on it though. Let's see...
Last weekend, we drove to Lafayette on Friday night to go to my friend Jamie's wedding. Well, technically Jamie is the cousin/sister of two of my best friends, but that makes her a friend by relation. Pictures are at Danialle's site. It was beautiful and we had a good time, despite the fact that Grace didn't get to nap on Saturday and was all screwed up on her schedule.
This week was a little crazy at work. Tuesday, I went golfing all afternoon. I got a little sun and did reasonably well. I think I could really like golfing if I had a chance to do it more often. Wednesday, I took the day off. In the morning I had to take Eric to drop his car off for some minor repair and then take him to work and Grace to daycare. I spent the morning studying, and then had a Herceptin appointment in the afternoon. Friday was an early close day, so I didn't feel like I got all that much accomplished at the office.
This weekend was also very nice. Friday afternoon I came home and did 11, yes that's right, 11 loads of laundry! Friday night Eric and I watched X-Men 1 & 2 in anticipation of possibly going to the movies this weekend. Saturday, I finished up the packing, took Grace to gymnastics, and then we went to Ava's 1st birthday party. It was fun and Ava really liked her cake! After the party we came home, loaded the car and headed to Indiana. We got to Grandma's just after 8 p.m. We put Grace down in a pack-n-play, until around 10:30 when we headed over to my cousin Karey's house to sleep. Sunday, we went to church with my Grandparent's, had lunch at Pizza Hut, stopped by Wal-Mart so Grandpa (my Dad) could buy Grace a bubble gun, and then went to Grandma's. Grace took a very short nap while we were making the food for a cookout. My cousin Kevin, had a graduation open house in the early afternoon. He was the Valedictorian and played both baseball and basketball. I'm so impressed! We then had a cookout and all hung out until around 7:30 p.m. Then we went back to Karey's and finally got to put Grace to bed. She was a terror this weekend. I think the change in schedule really throws her off, so she was tired and surrounded by lots of people she didn't know. She wouldn't hardly let me leave her side. Sunday night, Eric, my Dad, and Jeremy decided to go to a 10:00 showing of X-Men 3, but Mom and I were tired and decided to stay back with the cousins. We started watching Big Momma's House 2, but I couldn't even make it through that one.
Today, we got up and hit the road around 9 a.m. Grace is still napping and since she's been asleep about 2 1/2 hours, I'm thinking I should get her up, so she'll go to bed tonight.
One last thing... I also started doing the Weight Watcher's program on my own this week. Meaning, I'm following the plans but not planning on going to any meetings. I'll weigh-in in the morning, but I think I lost 3 pounds this week. Yeah! Only 20 more to go. I think this could work though. It's flexible enough, so that if you want to eat something that you wouldn't consider healthy, you can, you just have to count it and make adjustments to the rest of your meals that day. Or there is also a surplus of points for the week that you can dip into if you go over on a particular day, or you can save up for a "free day." For example, I saved most of mine for the cookout yesterday. Yum!
Ok, really, I'm going to go check on the baby!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Celebrations
This has been a weekend of celebration. In a sort of low-key way.
Starting off, Thursday night I finally got an A on a chemistry test. Yahoo! Now if I can get an A on the 4th mid-quarter and the final, I should be able to have an A in the class. That is definately cause for celebration. Also, when I got home from class, Eric had cleaned up downstairs and even vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor.
Friday, was our 5 Year Wedding anniversary. Maybe I should update my profile...Anyway, I've now been married 5 years. Yahoo! Eric did give me a card first thing in the morning. I had one for him too. After work I gave him the clothes I had bought him at Kaufman's (a couple of shirts and a new pair of khaki shorts). Then we went to buy my requested gift. First we stopped at Fazoli's for dinner and Grace really enjoyed the people-watching while she ate her spaghetti. Then we went to Wal-Mart where I got a set of women's golf clubs. They are Wilson clubs, but they are breast cancer clubs, meaning the bag as a really pretty pink trim on it and the club heads have a touch of pink, with a ribbon and the word Hope. Very pretty. I don't actually golf...but, I do have a golf outing scheduled in about 2 weeks with a client, so I needed to do something. I'm supposed to go do a practice round tomorrow with some other ladies from work. At least I'll look cute! By about 8:00 p.m. Grace started melting down in Wal-Mart, partially caused by the fact that I wouldn't let her play in the toy section all night. This resulted in her not getting any toys (she was only going to get one if she was good), and Eric had to take her out to the car while I checked out. After we got home and Grace went to bed, I spent the rest of the evening doing some major cleaning upstairs. Vacuuming, cleaning both bathrooms, and changing the catlitter).
Saturday, Eric went to have some fun. He went golfing (with his own clubs) with Will and his friend Brock, and Samara's brother Donnie. Grace and I went to gymnastics. Grace is really enjoying gymnastics now. She likes the routine and knows what comes next and really enjoys doing flips and playing on the equipment. After that, we came home had lunch and a nap. My nap was shorter than Grace's so I balanced the checkbook after I got up. Shortly after Grace got up and had her snack, the guys came home from golf. Will took Grace with him back to their house so Eric and I could have a date. We went to The Melting Pot for some fondue. It was really yummy, I think we made good choices for the cooking style for our meats and instead of doing the sampler platter, we ordered steak and chicken only, so we loved every bite! We also had great conversation. It makes me realize that we don't talk enough. We talk about Grace's day and make plans for the next day, etc., but we don't really talk. That's important and we both have promised to try to communicate more effectively, so we don't get annoyed with each other. We'd like to make it many more years! Once we finished eating it was only 8:00 p.m. and we didn't know what to do next. We had considered going to play putt-putt, but it was raining, and we didn't really want to go to a movie, so we ended up going back to Will and Samara's and hanging out. That was really nice too, because we haven't spent much time with them since the kids came along. We sat and talked for a couple of hours, and finally headed home at close to 11 p.m.
Today was my 2nd Mother's Day! Eric got Grace up this morning, and when discussed making pancakes for me, but we decided to just go to McDonald's for breakfast on the go instead. We went to church and then picked up lunch and then I got to have my Mother's Day nap. Once Grace gets up from hers, we'll go to the grocery store and tonight is the Survivor finale and of course Desparate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Hmmmm....good TV!
It's been a very nice weekend. Next weekend we'll be out of town for most of it going to a wedding back in my hometown and staying with my friend Erica for the weekend. Fun!
Starting off, Thursday night I finally got an A on a chemistry test. Yahoo! Now if I can get an A on the 4th mid-quarter and the final, I should be able to have an A in the class. That is definately cause for celebration. Also, when I got home from class, Eric had cleaned up downstairs and even vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor.
Friday, was our 5 Year Wedding anniversary. Maybe I should update my profile...Anyway, I've now been married 5 years. Yahoo! Eric did give me a card first thing in the morning. I had one for him too. After work I gave him the clothes I had bought him at Kaufman's (a couple of shirts and a new pair of khaki shorts). Then we went to buy my requested gift. First we stopped at Fazoli's for dinner and Grace really enjoyed the people-watching while she ate her spaghetti. Then we went to Wal-Mart where I got a set of women's golf clubs. They are Wilson clubs, but they are breast cancer clubs, meaning the bag as a really pretty pink trim on it and the club heads have a touch of pink, with a ribbon and the word Hope. Very pretty. I don't actually golf...but, I do have a golf outing scheduled in about 2 weeks with a client, so I needed to do something. I'm supposed to go do a practice round tomorrow with some other ladies from work. At least I'll look cute! By about 8:00 p.m. Grace started melting down in Wal-Mart, partially caused by the fact that I wouldn't let her play in the toy section all night. This resulted in her not getting any toys (she was only going to get one if she was good), and Eric had to take her out to the car while I checked out. After we got home and Grace went to bed, I spent the rest of the evening doing some major cleaning upstairs. Vacuuming, cleaning both bathrooms, and changing the catlitter).
Saturday, Eric went to have some fun. He went golfing (with his own clubs) with Will and his friend Brock, and Samara's brother Donnie. Grace and I went to gymnastics. Grace is really enjoying gymnastics now. She likes the routine and knows what comes next and really enjoys doing flips and playing on the equipment. After that, we came home had lunch and a nap. My nap was shorter than Grace's so I balanced the checkbook after I got up. Shortly after Grace got up and had her snack, the guys came home from golf. Will took Grace with him back to their house so Eric and I could have a date. We went to The Melting Pot for some fondue. It was really yummy, I think we made good choices for the cooking style for our meats and instead of doing the sampler platter, we ordered steak and chicken only, so we loved every bite! We also had great conversation. It makes me realize that we don't talk enough. We talk about Grace's day and make plans for the next day, etc., but we don't really talk. That's important and we both have promised to try to communicate more effectively, so we don't get annoyed with each other. We'd like to make it many more years! Once we finished eating it was only 8:00 p.m. and we didn't know what to do next. We had considered going to play putt-putt, but it was raining, and we didn't really want to go to a movie, so we ended up going back to Will and Samara's and hanging out. That was really nice too, because we haven't spent much time with them since the kids came along. We sat and talked for a couple of hours, and finally headed home at close to 11 p.m.
Today was my 2nd Mother's Day! Eric got Grace up this morning, and when discussed making pancakes for me, but we decided to just go to McDonald's for breakfast on the go instead. We went to church and then picked up lunch and then I got to have my Mother's Day nap. Once Grace gets up from hers, we'll go to the grocery store and tonight is the Survivor finale and of course Desparate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Hmmmm....good TV!
It's been a very nice weekend. Next weekend we'll be out of town for most of it going to a wedding back in my hometown and staying with my friend Erica for the weekend. Fun!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tamoxifen
I'm going to try to update quickly on my appointment with Dr. Y last week during my Herceptin appointment, because it is changing my treatment plans. I need to be quick though, as I have another chemistry exam tomorrow and need to study!
Wednesday last week I saw Dr. Y when I was in for my Herceptin infusion. He started off by talking alot about Tamoxifenand encouraging me that he thinks I should take it.
In case you don't remember any previous discussions, here's a brief overview of my history and the use of Tamoxifen. One test they do on breast cancer tumors if for estrogen (ER) and progesterone (PR) sensitivity. The cancer cells can have receptors that soak up estrogen or progesterone and that extra estrogen or progesterone can cause them to grow. My results were negative for progesterone and "focally weakly positive" for estrogen. This means that there were some spots on my tumor that had positive receptors, but not the whole thing and they didn't take in huge amounts of estrogen. There is a drug that is commonly prescribed when women are ER positive. It is called Tamoxifen and it is an anti-estrogen drug. Back when I was diagnosed, Dr. L had hoped I was ER positive because this drug does great things for stopping recurrence. It is also sometimes prescribed as a breast cancer prevention drug in high-risk patients. I did not want to be positive, because the common protocol is to take the drug (in pill form) daily for 5 years. During this time, I should not get pregnant. However, when my results came back initially, they were so faintly positive, that Dr. L told me they were negative. When we talked to Dr. Y for our inital consultation, he told me that in my case taking Tamoxifen would increase my survival rate stats from approximately 95 to 96%. If I were a strong positive it would have taken me from 95 to about 98%.
Fast forward. Over the past months, Dr. Y has mentioned Tamoxifen and that we'd discuss it later. I've done alot of thinking about it, and in my head, I was willing to give up that extra 1% of survival rate, to continue to build my family. I would love to start trying soon after I get the green light from Dr. L which will be in about 18 months.
Here were the benefits:
- Shown to decrease risk of cancer in other breast by up to 49%
- Lowers risk of osteoperosis
- Gives me back that percentage point on the survival rate
And the drawbacks:
- With a "focally weakly positive" diagnosis, I get limited benefit
- No pregnancy while taking
- Increased risk of endometrial cancer
- Menopausal type symptoms (hot flashes, vaginal dryness, mood swings)
- Increased risk of blood clots (heart attack, stroke, etc.)
I told him that while I didn't want to be selfish and risk my health, at the same time, continuing my family is important to me. My current plan for baby #2 would be the perfect timing for my med school plans. If I do 5 years of Tamoxifen, I would be right in the middle of med school before I got the go ahead, so I would want to wait until I was done, so now we're looking more at 7 or 8 years until I would get pregnant. I know people have kids at age 35, but I'm not sure that I want 9 years between my children. It seems like a lifetime. He asked what my plans were for having children. I told him, God-willing, I would get the all clear at the 2-year mark (Sept. 2007). Due to my class and M-CAT plans, I would wait until January 2008 to start trying to get pregnant. He told me that my risk of recurrence is front-loaded, meaning that I have a higher risk of recurrence the first 2 or 3 years. He thought for a moment, and then told me, "I'll take it." So, we compromised. I'll take the Tamoxifen for the next 20 months or so, and then if all doctors agree, I can stop it and get pregnant. I asked if it is safe to stop and get pregnant immediately and he said it leaves your system within 2 weeks.
Next we discussed the possibility of removing my ovaries when I'm done having children. This is still a theoretical discussion. I'd like to get the genetic testing done first and see if I really have an increased risk. His view was that Ovarian Cancer is extremely hard to screen for. There isn't an easy way to catch it early, so most people aren't diagnosed until Stage 3 or 4 and by then it's almost too late. I agree it sounds nasty and if the testing reveals I'm at an increased risk, I'll gladly give them up in a few years. Although, if there isn't any proof that I'm at risk, I'm not sure how eager I am to go into menopause in my 30's and permanently shut the door on future children (I'm not entirely sure 2 is enough for me). So, we'll continue to talk.
So, that was a heavy appointment. I'm happy with my decision and very glad that my doctor was willing to spend the time to talk about it rather than just writing me a prescription. This is also a decision that can remain flexible. I've started the drugs (day 3 now), and maybe in 20 months we'll all decide that I'm not ready to get started on baby #2 and then I can continue on the regimen. We'll just have to wait and see what God has in store. If anything, you'd think I learn that I can't make all the plans for my life!
Ok, time to go study!
Wednesday last week I saw Dr. Y when I was in for my Herceptin infusion. He started off by talking alot about Tamoxifenand encouraging me that he thinks I should take it.
In case you don't remember any previous discussions, here's a brief overview of my history and the use of Tamoxifen. One test they do on breast cancer tumors if for estrogen (ER) and progesterone (PR) sensitivity. The cancer cells can have receptors that soak up estrogen or progesterone and that extra estrogen or progesterone can cause them to grow. My results were negative for progesterone and "focally weakly positive" for estrogen. This means that there were some spots on my tumor that had positive receptors, but not the whole thing and they didn't take in huge amounts of estrogen. There is a drug that is commonly prescribed when women are ER positive. It is called Tamoxifen and it is an anti-estrogen drug. Back when I was diagnosed, Dr. L had hoped I was ER positive because this drug does great things for stopping recurrence. It is also sometimes prescribed as a breast cancer prevention drug in high-risk patients. I did not want to be positive, because the common protocol is to take the drug (in pill form) daily for 5 years. During this time, I should not get pregnant. However, when my results came back initially, they were so faintly positive, that Dr. L told me they were negative. When we talked to Dr. Y for our inital consultation, he told me that in my case taking Tamoxifen would increase my survival rate stats from approximately 95 to 96%. If I were a strong positive it would have taken me from 95 to about 98%.
Fast forward. Over the past months, Dr. Y has mentioned Tamoxifen and that we'd discuss it later. I've done alot of thinking about it, and in my head, I was willing to give up that extra 1% of survival rate, to continue to build my family. I would love to start trying soon after I get the green light from Dr. L which will be in about 18 months.
Here were the benefits:
- Shown to decrease risk of cancer in other breast by up to 49%
- Lowers risk of osteoperosis
- Gives me back that percentage point on the survival rate
And the drawbacks:
- With a "focally weakly positive" diagnosis, I get limited benefit
- No pregnancy while taking
- Increased risk of endometrial cancer
- Menopausal type symptoms (hot flashes, vaginal dryness, mood swings)
- Increased risk of blood clots (heart attack, stroke, etc.)
I told him that while I didn't want to be selfish and risk my health, at the same time, continuing my family is important to me. My current plan for baby #2 would be the perfect timing for my med school plans. If I do 5 years of Tamoxifen, I would be right in the middle of med school before I got the go ahead, so I would want to wait until I was done, so now we're looking more at 7 or 8 years until I would get pregnant. I know people have kids at age 35, but I'm not sure that I want 9 years between my children. It seems like a lifetime. He asked what my plans were for having children. I told him, God-willing, I would get the all clear at the 2-year mark (Sept. 2007). Due to my class and M-CAT plans, I would wait until January 2008 to start trying to get pregnant. He told me that my risk of recurrence is front-loaded, meaning that I have a higher risk of recurrence the first 2 or 3 years. He thought for a moment, and then told me, "I'll take it." So, we compromised. I'll take the Tamoxifen for the next 20 months or so, and then if all doctors agree, I can stop it and get pregnant. I asked if it is safe to stop and get pregnant immediately and he said it leaves your system within 2 weeks.
Next we discussed the possibility of removing my ovaries when I'm done having children. This is still a theoretical discussion. I'd like to get the genetic testing done first and see if I really have an increased risk. His view was that Ovarian Cancer is extremely hard to screen for. There isn't an easy way to catch it early, so most people aren't diagnosed until Stage 3 or 4 and by then it's almost too late. I agree it sounds nasty and if the testing reveals I'm at an increased risk, I'll gladly give them up in a few years. Although, if there isn't any proof that I'm at risk, I'm not sure how eager I am to go into menopause in my 30's and permanently shut the door on future children (I'm not entirely sure 2 is enough for me). So, we'll continue to talk.
So, that was a heavy appointment. I'm happy with my decision and very glad that my doctor was willing to spend the time to talk about it rather than just writing me a prescription. This is also a decision that can remain flexible. I've started the drugs (day 3 now), and maybe in 20 months we'll all decide that I'm not ready to get started on baby #2 and then I can continue on the regimen. We'll just have to wait and see what God has in store. If anything, you'd think I learn that I can't make all the plans for my life!
Ok, time to go study!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
GWO - Inked
I'm a little slow to post, but last weekend was another GWO weekend. It was very refreshing and I'm already looking forward to the next one.
Friday
Because I had class Thursday night, I didn't drive over until Friday morning. I got to Erica's right around 11:30 a.m. and as soon as I dropped off my bag, we jumped back in the car and drove to our hometown and had lunch at the China Inn. Yummy! After lunch, we picked up some ice cream at a local place and drove around looking for a house that Danialle may rent this summer. Around 2 p.m. we headed over to a local factory for the girls' Grandpa's retirement party. It was kind of fun because I worked there for 2 summers and both my parents worked there until they moved, so I knew alot of people and got to catch up. We did get a bit of bad news though. The girls' great-grandpa had to be taken to the hospital, where they found a tumor on his brain and that he was in renal failure. After some thought, they decided they didn't really want to watch him dying at the hospital, so we decided to keep our appointments and get tattoos.
Mine is the one in the picture. It is a Chinese symbol that means "survivor." I had him make it in pink for breast cancer awareness. He added the shading around the symbol to make it stand out a little more. Danialle went first and got three small stars in blue, I went second, and then Erica got a symbol that means sisterhood. I won't lie, it hurt, but it was bearable and totally worth it. I'm happy because I got something that has some meaning to it. It's on my lower back. It's a great location because it's easy to cover, you can't see it even if my shirt raises up in my work dress pants, but in lower rise jeans it would be visable. After the tattoos, we headed back to the girls' grandparent's house to visit with the family that was there for the retirement party and to see the great-grandpa. The evening helped ease D & E's minds, as it turns out that while he doesn't have much longer, he wasn't going to be leaving that soon and was still in good spirits. They also decided to transfer him from the local hospital to the hospital in the town that Erica lives. With that news we decided that we would stop by on Saturday to visit.
Saturday
We slept in until about 8:30 a.m. and then decided to head to IHOP for breakfast. After breakfast we spent a good deal of time wandering around Target and then headed to PetSmart. After that we headed to the hospital. There was a limited amount of space, so while D & E were in visiting their Great-Grandpa, I sat in the waiting room and had a nice conversation with Danialle's mom. Once they finished we headed back to Erica's where Heather was waiting for us. We made a healthy lunch of sandwiches, pasta salad, and fruit and decided to play Phase 10. After Phase 10, we started dominos and a few hands in, stopped to make pizzas. We played some more dominos, and finally around 10:30 decided to call it quits. Then we watched Memoirs of a Geisha and then hit the sack.
Sunday
Once we all woke up, we ate a light breakfast and said our goodbyes. I got home around 1:30 p.m. and then did the laundry, grocery shopping, paid bills, and did a little house cleaning. Back to the real world.
Anyway, that's my recap. I need to go do some homework, but later this week I need to update on my Herceptin appointment from today. I spoke with the doctor and may be making some changes to my treatment plan.
Friday
Because I had class Thursday night, I didn't drive over until Friday morning. I got to Erica's right around 11:30 a.m. and as soon as I dropped off my bag, we jumped back in the car and drove to our hometown and had lunch at the China Inn. Yummy! After lunch, we picked up some ice cream at a local place and drove around looking for a house that Danialle may rent this summer. Around 2 p.m. we headed over to a local factory for the girls' Grandpa's retirement party. It was kind of fun because I worked there for 2 summers and both my parents worked there until they moved, so I knew alot of people and got to catch up. We did get a bit of bad news though. The girls' great-grandpa had to be taken to the hospital, where they found a tumor on his brain and that he was in renal failure. After some thought, they decided they didn't really want to watch him dying at the hospital, so we decided to keep our appointments and get tattoos.
Mine is the one in the picture. It is a Chinese symbol that means "survivor." I had him make it in pink for breast cancer awareness. He added the shading around the symbol to make it stand out a little more. Danialle went first and got three small stars in blue, I went second, and then Erica got a symbol that means sisterhood. I won't lie, it hurt, but it was bearable and totally worth it. I'm happy because I got something that has some meaning to it. It's on my lower back. It's a great location because it's easy to cover, you can't see it even if my shirt raises up in my work dress pants, but in lower rise jeans it would be visable. After the tattoos, we headed back to the girls' grandparent's house to visit with the family that was there for the retirement party and to see the great-grandpa. The evening helped ease D & E's minds, as it turns out that while he doesn't have much longer, he wasn't going to be leaving that soon and was still in good spirits. They also decided to transfer him from the local hospital to the hospital in the town that Erica lives. With that news we decided that we would stop by on Saturday to visit.
Saturday
We slept in until about 8:30 a.m. and then decided to head to IHOP for breakfast. After breakfast we spent a good deal of time wandering around Target and then headed to PetSmart. After that we headed to the hospital. There was a limited amount of space, so while D & E were in visiting their Great-Grandpa, I sat in the waiting room and had a nice conversation with Danialle's mom. Once they finished we headed back to Erica's where Heather was waiting for us. We made a healthy lunch of sandwiches, pasta salad, and fruit and decided to play Phase 10. After Phase 10, we started dominos and a few hands in, stopped to make pizzas. We played some more dominos, and finally around 10:30 decided to call it quits. Then we watched Memoirs of a Geisha and then hit the sack.
Sunday
Once we all woke up, we ate a light breakfast and said our goodbyes. I got home around 1:30 p.m. and then did the laundry, grocery shopping, paid bills, and did a little house cleaning. Back to the real world.
Anyway, that's my recap. I need to go do some homework, but later this week I need to update on my Herceptin appointment from today. I spoke with the doctor and may be making some changes to my treatment plan.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Quick Update
Very quick update before I go hit the books. (Chemistry Exam on Thursday!)
As always, I've been pretty busy. Last update was a week ago after we took Grace to get her hair cut on Monday. Tuesday night I had class and then I left on a 6:45 am flight on Wednesday to go to Austin, Texas until Friday. One of my favorite clients was having a Controllers/Manager's meeting and they wanted me to do a 2 hour presentation on their insurance program. It went pretty well, but I was glad to get home on Friday night. When I got home, I had to do the laundry and repack for our weekend trip.
Saturday morning Eric had Step 3 of 4 of his interview process for the weekend job he's working on. After he finished, we left for Indiana for a family reunion. We met up with the BIL, SIL, and nieces at my MIL's house. The guys helped her put up a shed in the yard while I supervised the little ones. Once they finished up, we left the cousins with Nana and headed out for the evening with Kyle, Leslie and Eric's best friend from high school and his wife. We had a dinner at TGI Friday's, stopped by BW3s for a drink, and then headed to play putt-putt, unfortunately we had just missed the cutoff for the last round of putt-putt, so the guys took a turn on the go-cart track and hit some softballs in the batting cages, before we decided head for a local bowling alley. We bowled two games and closed the place down before retiring for the night.
Sunday we had a leisurely morning before heading to a local park for a family reunion on my Father-In-Law's side. It was a good time. Grace loved the food. She kept shoveling it in. We left for home around 2:30 p.m. and got home in time to put Grace to bed.
This week I've got lots to do both at home and work. Today I had class, tomorrow I'm taking my car for an oil change, plus laundry and studying. I have a test on Thursday, plus this weekend I'm going to Indiana for a girls weekend. I was hoping it was going to be a weekend of celebration, but Erica's month didn't end as we all hoped, so we will have a lot of the supportive side of friendship going on.
I'm going to try for one more post before the weekend, but we all know good intentions don't always work out.
As always, I've been pretty busy. Last update was a week ago after we took Grace to get her hair cut on Monday. Tuesday night I had class and then I left on a 6:45 am flight on Wednesday to go to Austin, Texas until Friday. One of my favorite clients was having a Controllers/Manager's meeting and they wanted me to do a 2 hour presentation on their insurance program. It went pretty well, but I was glad to get home on Friday night. When I got home, I had to do the laundry and repack for our weekend trip.
Saturday morning Eric had Step 3 of 4 of his interview process for the weekend job he's working on. After he finished, we left for Indiana for a family reunion. We met up with the BIL, SIL, and nieces at my MIL's house. The guys helped her put up a shed in the yard while I supervised the little ones. Once they finished up, we left the cousins with Nana and headed out for the evening with Kyle, Leslie and Eric's best friend from high school and his wife. We had a dinner at TGI Friday's, stopped by BW3s for a drink, and then headed to play putt-putt, unfortunately we had just missed the cutoff for the last round of putt-putt, so the guys took a turn on the go-cart track and hit some softballs in the batting cages, before we decided head for a local bowling alley. We bowled two games and closed the place down before retiring for the night.
Sunday we had a leisurely morning before heading to a local park for a family reunion on my Father-In-Law's side. It was a good time. Grace loved the food. She kept shoveling it in. We left for home around 2:30 p.m. and got home in time to put Grace to bed.
This week I've got lots to do both at home and work. Today I had class, tomorrow I'm taking my car for an oil change, plus laundry and studying. I have a test on Thursday, plus this weekend I'm going to Indiana for a girls weekend. I was hoping it was going to be a weekend of celebration, but Erica's month didn't end as we all hoped, so we will have a lot of the supportive side of friendship going on.
I'm going to try for one more post before the weekend, but we all know good intentions don't always work out.
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