One Year

One year ago yesterday, at about 9 am, I got the phone call that changed my life. I was still asleep in bed, enjoying the last day off work after my surgery and a quiet house as Eric had gone to work and Grace to daycare. Then as I started to wake up I realized it can never be good news when the surgeon calls you herself.

Sometimes it seems like an eternity since that day, sometimes just moments. Now I look back from the other side (mostly) and think "wow" what a year. To recap...Treatment wise, I have had 2 surgeries (technically only 1 since the phone call), 6 rounds of chemo, 6 1/2 weeks of radiation, 10 months of Herceptin, a core needle biopsy, blood draws, CT scans, Muga Scans, MRI's, Mammagrams, all resulting in approximately 37 needle sticks (either by arm or port) give or take a few.

I have decided that I want a career change and have been working towards the goal of someday going to medical school, although I'm accepting getting there is still going to take several years. I finished 2 courses of Chemistry, and just started #3 in Chemistry and Biology. I also completed 2 courses for my CPCU and only have 1 more to take before I will be rewarded with a trip to Hawaii next September. I've been working really hard and feel very confident in my abilities at my job and am starting to think that my boss is starting to get it too.

I've watched my daughter go through so much. She learned to crawl, to walk, to run, to jump. She had her 1st birthday, 2nd Christmas, and a major surgery spending almost a week in the hospital. Her cleft palate is completely repaired now, she can drink from a straw (thanks Grandpa) and she eats all table food. She is talking more and more every day and melts my heart with her hugs and kisses.

I've learned what a support system I have. I have an amazing husband, parents that volunteered to fly in just to sit with me when I heard the news. Friends that have become more like family than I could have expected. Church friends that gathered around me and kept me covered with prayer and were always willing to bring us a meal or babysit for Grace. My work collegues allowed me to take time off as needed without a second thought, and let me come right back and pick up where I left off. Old friends that I hadn't spoken to in years came out of the woodwork and offered their thoughts, prayers, and support. Strangers to me that are friends of other family and friends also kept me lifted up. I am so thankful.

Physically, I have changed so much. I lost all my hair, gained 20 pounds on steroids, and was physically the most exhausted I've ever been. Chemo stopped, I grew hair back, went on a diet, lost the 20 cancer pounds, plus the 10 post-baby pounds I gained. I've learned that I look cute with short hair, that shoes can make an outfit, and you can never have too many pairs of dangly earrings. I feel good, I feel strong and I won't take for granted being able to play with my child, play softball, or pick up a new hobby like golf. (All things I've done this year)

I knew this day was coming up and I planned on writing yesterday, but guess what... I was too busy enjoying my life. Finally after several months of traveling, and studying and working, I had time to spend the day with Samara. We picked up right where we left off and didn't stop talking for the whole 7 hours or so we spent together. We had lunch with our daughters, we made a quick stop at Babies R Us mainly for me to look for fall/winter clothes for Grace. We dropped Grace off at home for her nap and then went to the mall. After all the shopping, we came back to my house, grilled out with the family and talked some more. She again made me thankful that I've been blessed with such wonderful friends. She also gave me a little more perspective about continuing my family. I'm still going to play it by ear, but I think I'm officially moving my planned Med school start date back a year. It was going to be very difficult to meet the goal anyway, and highly unlikely that I would have been able to have another child before school. If I take another year (now looking at pre-req, MCAT, and application completion in 2009, with a 2010 start date), I'll have a longer time frame to have another child. This way if we have difficulties (which we won't know until we try), I'll have at least a full year to figure out what we are going to do about it. Plus right now I have great insurance that would pay for most fertility treatments if needed. Not sure what the insurance will look like after I quit my job and we switch to Eric's company plan. Still have another year to wait, but really what's a year?

So, this isn't a sad post. I wouldn't have chosen breast cancer and the treatments weren't fun, but really, I survived. I am a survivor. Now, I just need to keep living my life and never forget the lessons that this year has taught me.