New Appointment

Today was kind of a weird day at work. They are doing a software upgrade to get us all on Windows XP, so they have to take each computer for 4-6 hours. Today was my day. My laptop was gone when I got in, so I did what I could work wise and then went to a client to discuss some things, so I didn't have acess to e-mail or the Internet all day long. Anyway, I left the client at about 4:30 p.m. and called into my work voice-mail. The first message was from my OB/GYN office.

Apparently, my doctor has some kind of family emergency and has to cancel her appointments all week. This freaked me out a bit as I've been looking forward to this appointment for some reassurance. As you may remember, Eric has two weeks of jury duty starting Monday and I really want him to be there for my first ultrasound. So I called the office back. They are able to have another doctor see me this week for a "quick" appointment to confirm the pregnancy and dates, and then they said they'd schedule me an appointment with my doctor next week for a more in depth appointment. I asked if during this "quick" appointment we'd do an ultrasound, again because I want Eric to be there and I don't want to wait another two to three weeks. An ultrasound will be included and my new appointment is Thursday at 12:15 p.m with Dr. "A.". So now, I get to do this a whole day sooner. When I got home, I looked at my list of doctors in the practice and Dr. "A's" first name is Joseph. This will be my first male gynocologist. Even though it's a quick appointment, the ultrasound is transvaginal, so it is a bit more personal than visits to my regular male doctor.

I've really got mixed feeling about my new appointment. First of all, I'm excited that it will be sooner, but on the other hand I've had Friday so ingrained in my conciousness, that I'm a little afraid I won't be "prepared." Not that I can do much to prepare. I just think it's really hitting me. When my appointment was a couple weeks away, I could look at it as a date in the future when I could be relieved. Now that's it's only two days away, I'm just really scared that it's a date where all my dreams could come crashing down...again. I'm really trying to have faith. I keep remembering that things are very different this time. I've got tons of "good" symptoms. I was still nauseous this morning and before lunch. I needed a nap when I got home from work today. I think I'm also in a better place mentally/spiritually. Not that I felt out of place last time, but this time, I'm just so much more focused on what kind of parent I want to be. I'm thinking so much more about the baby instead of me.

I just need to repeat my prayer. God is in control. My worrying doesn't help anything. No matter what happens, I will survive and grow stronger. I'm just hopeful that God's will matches mine in this situation. Two more days.