Month 4, Day 21

I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news...still no spike.
The good news...still no spike. That means missing 2 days in a row were not the 2 most important days not to miss.

I had a dream last night. Eric and I were leaving for a trip to Hawaii. Our plane was leaving in 1 1/2 hours, but we weren't ready yet. I was rushing around trying to get all of our stuff together, at first Eric helped me out, but then he got distracted and just sat in the car while I was trying to finish getting ready. At one point I thought we're never going to make it in time, I should just stop trying, but then thought of how great Hawaii was. Then I got mad because Eric wasn't helping me. Dream interpretation... Hawaii = pregnancy (something really good that I want to do), Trying to get everything ready for the trip = Us doing our part to acheive pregnancy (BD), The fact that there wasn't very much time to get everything done = My anxiety about my O-day being MIA, Eric's originally being helpful and then lack of helpfulness = My hidden anger that last night he fell asleep again instead of trying to help me "get ready". Being ready to give up = frustration at the missing O and being ready to give up.

It's weird how dreams can do that. I tend to occasionally have dreams where I get really angy at Eric and just let him have it. I wonder if that's because I don't tend to get angry that easily when I'm awake? I understand about last night. I was really frustrated because I'm afraid we'll miss the window. Now I'm a little concerned that there may not be a window this month. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm a little afraid that this has now crossed the line into being obsessive this month. Eric's cool about the whole thing until he thinks it's consumed my every waking thought. Probably not a good sign that the first thing I said to him this morning was, "You're lucky my temperature didn't spike, we still have another chance." Maybe I should have started with "Goodmorning?"