Chemo #4

Yesterday, I had my 4th chemo treatment, which was the first round of Taxotere and Herceptin for me.

This time I went to the new doctor's office that is closer to my house, rather than the one I usually go to. I'm not a huge fan of this new office. It is much smaller than the other office. The waiting room isn't as comfortable and welcoming either. Also the other office has a big living room size room with all the recliners for infusion. This office seems to have just knocked down a wall between exam rooms and shoved recliners in wherever they fit.

This time I think they overbooked because they weren't open on Monday, so it was super busy. My appointment was at 11:45 a.m. I got there around 11:30 with Donna and my niece Ashton. There was only one empty chair in the whole waiting room. Some opened up as we waited, but I didn't get called back until at least noon, probably more like 12:15. They took my vitals and I told the nurse I forgot to take my steroid the night before chemo like I was supposed to, although I took it first thing in the morning. She didn't think it would be a problem. Then they sent me to the exam room to wait for Dr. Y. He did the usual check up with me and then I waited a bit longer and the nurse came back to tell me they were trying to figure out where to put me. I asked her how long this infusion would take (since it's my first time for this treatment). She said about an hour or so for the Taxotere and an hour and a half for the Herceptin for the first dose. She came back and told me to begin with they were going to put me in a different exam room in a rolly computer chair (with no arms). I then went to the waiting room to tell Donna and Ashton that I'd be at least 3 hours, so if they wanted to go back to the house to wait, they could come back later to pick me up. Seriously the waiting room was awful.

I came back to assigned room and chair and found that I had a roomate in the same kind of awful chair. They had already started her IV and put her on saline and gave her a shot of benadryl so she started getting sleepy. Eventually she fell asleep in the chair and started snoring. Finally, around 1:00 p.m they came back and started my IV with saline. They gave me a shot of benadryl too and I took some Tylenol because the Taxotere can cause joint and bone pain. No nausea medicine this time. I had a book to read, so I kept occupied. Around 2:00 p.m they came in and finally started my Taxotere (2 hours and 15 minutes after my appointment time). I stayed in that room until my Taxotere was done and they hooked up the Herceptin. Between 3 and 3:30 p.m. a recliner finally opened up and they moved me to the other room. It was much more comfortable and the last hour was much nicer. I finished up around 4:30 p.m.

Then I had to make my new appointments. Starting next week I'll be getting Herceptin weekly at the same time I get my CBC done. They seemed to have problems figuring out to schedule me. For some reason they want me to keep coming back to this new office. Probably because it's about 1/2 the distance from my house as the other office. Also it's very close to my work. The only problem is the new office doesn't have a lab, so they wanted me to go to the hospital next door to get my bloodwork done. The problem with that is the hospital lab won't access my port, so I'd have to get it done through my arm. Considering I only have one arm available for blood draws, I think that would get old very quick. I told them I really don't mind driving to the other office, but they didn't want to inconveniece me. Finally, they called the other office and arranged to draw blood at the new office through my port and then send it to the other office at the end of the day to the lab. They'll call me the next day if I need to take my Levaquin. So anyway, they scheduled my next Herceptin for Monday, Jan 2. By then they'll get the rest of my appointments scheduled and give me a print out of the dates. I did ask them to go ahead and schedule my next chemo, because with Grace's surgery coming up, I wanted to be sure I have childcare and work stuff figured out. It will be on Wedndesday, Jan 18th. That will be perfect because my Mom is coming on Tuesday and will be able to take care of Grace if I'm feeling icky. Plus I should be ok to take care of Grace the next week when I'm on my own again.

Regarding side effects, this does seem better than before. My hands did get a little tingly when they were starting the Taxotere, but it went away really quick and nothing since then. I had a brief moment of nausea when I got home, but I didn't even drink a whole sprite. I was able to eat a normal dinner too, that is better than normal. I haven't taken any nausea medicine either. I seem to have the most side effects from the steroid. Before I would take 1 pill a day for 3 days. Now I am to take 2 pills twice a day for 5 doses (2 1/2 days). It makes me very hot and flushed. Also, I have the huge appettite thing going on. I'll take it over naseau and vommiting though. The only other issue is some fatigue, but even that hasn't been too bad.

Well, I think I'm going to scrounge up some lunch.

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday. Ours was very nice. Friday I had to go to Dr. Y's office in the morning for my CBC. As usual at this point in my cycle my white count was low, but not low enough to require my antibiotics! Yeah! I got into work around 10 a.m. and tried to cram as much as I could into those 2 hours. Our office closed at noon for Christmas. Once I left work I picked up some lunch and went to Eric's office and ate with him. Then I picked up Grace and took her to the doctor's office. She started coughing on Wednesday, which is usually a sign of an ear infection, so I wanted her to be seen before Christmas. Sure enough, she has a nasty infection in both ears, so we got a prescription and will go back to our previously scheduled appointment on Jan. 4th for a follow up.

Saturday was Christmas Eve and Grace got up nice and early. Eric went to work for an hour or two and Grace and I hung out and played all morning. Around 11 a.m. Will and Samara called and said they were going to come by around noon and we'd exchange gifts for the girls. However, after I informed them of Grace's ear infection with the cough and runny nose as a sidekick, they decided to keep the girls apart. I don't want to get into the tradition of giving Ava some kind of contagious disease or infection every holiday. So without any company, we just spent the day being lazy. We watched a little football and just hung out around the house. After Grace went to bed, we put together her big toy from Santa and got everything ready for Christmas morning. I also packed for our surprise Christmas trip.

Christmas morning we got up at 6:15 a.m. Grace hadn't slept very well the night before, I think this ear infection is really bothering her. We got up and opened presents. Grace was very excited to see her dinosaur from Santa. After opening our gifts we had breakfast and packed up our last minute items. By 7:45 a.m. we were on the road. Last week, I started feeling nastalgic for the old days when we would go to Grandma's for Christmas. Every year on Christmas afternoon, all my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins would show up at Grandma's house. As we've gotten older, not every one makes it every year, but the invitation is always open. Since we moved out of state (when I got married), I think we've only made it back once. There really wasn't any reason we couldn't go this year, except we didn't want to travel, so I talked to Eric and we decided to go. Now my parents and brother drove over from Iowa on Friday so they were going to be there too. We decided not to tell them we were coming and surprise them. We got to Grandma's just before noon and no one was there. Luckily I knew where they hide the key, so we got into the house. They had went to church and weren't back yet. About 5 minutes later, my Grandparents got back, but I called Mom on the cell phone to wish her Merry Christmas. She sounded sad that she wouldn't see me. I got off the phone quickly and they got to the house a few minutes later. They thought it was a good surpise. We visited for a bit and then took Grace took a 2 hour nap and I layed down for about an hour. Everyone else started arriving around 3 p.m. It was a houseful. Around 5:30 p.m. we decided to leave, because we were going to go to Eric's brother's for the night since we weren't going to see them this year either. Grace napped in the car and then we drove the hour and a half to their house. Once we got there we did Christmas with Eric's Mom and brother. Grace did awesome and loved playing with her cousins and their big dog! She finally got her bath and to bed around 9 p.m. (that's a late night for my little lady).

This morning Grace woke up crying once around 5:45 a.m. I settled her and she went back to sleep for a while. I'm not sure how long, but a little while later she had a coughing fit and started to get upset, so I picked her up and put her in bed with me. We cuddled and dozed on and off until we all got up around 8 a.m. The girls played and visited and Leslie made us a huge breakfast. We had eggs, french toast, and biscuits and gravy. Yum! After breakfast, we decided to head out because it was obvious Grace was ready for a nap. The drive home was uneventful. Grace slept for about 2 hours when we first got in the car and was good the second half of the trip. However, this afternoon she was a terror. We couldn't do anything to keep her happy. I think she cried for about two hours straight. We eventually decided to give her dinner early and I had her in bed at 6:30 p.m. (about an hour earlier than normal). I'm hoping she was just tired from the weekend and her ears aren't bothering her that bad. I don't like her to feel bad, but the crying needed to stop. We were ready to pull our hair out. Luckily she layed down and went right to sleep tonight.

I'm going to go to work tomorrow and then Donna is coming back tomorrow afternoon. She's decided to bring my niece Ashton with her since she's out of school this week. She's seven now and I think she'll be fine. Her Mom talked to her a little bit about me being sick and I think she'll be more pre-occupied with Grace then me. As long as they let me rest on the couch, I won't complain. Wednesday, I've got round 4 of chemo. This will be the new combo of Taxotere and Herceptin, so I'm not sure what to expect. I'll be off work the rest of the week and probably Monday too. Look forward to the chemo update and then my New Year's Resolution post as we get ready to head into 2006!

Christmas and Birthday Weekend

Finally, a chance to update about the weekend. It was super busy, but lots of fun too.

Friday
After some flight delays and changing flights, my parents and brother made it into town 1 hour later than their original scheduled arrival time, but about 7 hours before their luggage finished the trip. They rented a car, checked into a hotel, and went to Wal-Mart to finish their shopping for Grace and to buy some wrapping paper to wrap gifts before meeting us at home after work. We visited and had our family Christmas. Eric was the proud recipient of a PSP, I got a portable DVD player and Grace got a Weebles Treehouse and Ball Popper among other gifts. After opening presents we gave Grace a bath and put her to bed and ordered pizza for dinner. We visited for a while more before they left to go get their luggage at the airport and head back to the hotel to go to bed.

Saturday
Eric had to work for a couple of hours, so when we got up, he went to work and Grace and I picked up my family and we headed to First Watch for breakfast. Grace had a Chocolate Chip Pancake and fruit cup, she is such a good eater! After breakfast, we stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up the cakes and ice cream. Then I dropped off the family to shower and change and Grace and I headed home. Grace napped for about an hour while Eric and I did some final cleaning touches and he took the dog to get his nails trimmed. I managed to get a shower in too. My family came back over around 11:30 or so and Eric's Mom arrived about that time too. Mom and I left Grace to play with Nana (Eric's mom) and we went to the party store to get a helium balloon, some plastic spoons, bowls, and some ice and drinks for the party. We also picked up lunch for the crew. After we fed everyone lunch, I put Grace down for a nap around 1. I hoped she'd sleep until 3, so she'd be fresh for the party. We decorated while she napped, but she decided by 2:00 p.m. that she wasn't interested in napping. As a result, she started getting tired eyes just before her party. She managed to pull through. Eric's Dad and girlfriend arrived right around 3:30 p.m. My neighbor April stopped by and dropped off a gift before the party too. Our only other guests were Will, Samara, and Ava. Samara's sister Sunny was in town too, so she joined us as well. Once everyone arrived, we wanted to get things started as Grace was looking really tired. First she opened her gifts. She was mostly interested in the wrapping paper, but she got a lot of cute clothes and some more fun toys that I'm sure she'll get lots of use out of. When we finished opening gifts, we had the cake and ice cream. Shortly after that, the entire family decided to head out as a group to Champps for dinner. It was good as always. We got home from dinner around 7 p.m. Grace was exhausted, so my Mom took her up for her bath and to put her to bed while Eric and I did Christmas with his Dad and Christie. I felt bad that Grace didn't participate, but she won't rememeber anyway, so we opened her gifts for us. My favorite gift from that Christmas exchange was a beautiful Sapphire bracelet. Very pretty. Once we finished Christmas, Gary and Christie headed to the hotel. My parents stuck around for just a little while, and then they left too. Eric's mom stayed with us.

Sunday
My parents flight left at 7 a.m., so we didn't see them before they headed out. We went to church and Donna came with us. Eric and I were scheduled to light the 4th Advent candle at our service. Once church was over, we came home. Eric's Dad had said they were going to come by around noon, but when we checked the messages at home, they decided to head back early, so we didn't see them on Sunday. Eric's Mom isn't working this week, so she decided to stay Sunday and Monday too. Since we had a grandma in the house, I decided to go with Eric to BW3s to watch the Colts game. It was disappointing that they lost, but it was nice to be able to do something on Sunday afternoon and know Grace was still getting her nap and being well cared for. After the game we went home and then I realized I should probably go to the grocery store before the weekend was over. I didn't get my list together until almost 5, but I got to leave Grace at home, so I wasn't rushing to make it home for her dinner. I got home to a clean baby in her PJs waiting for Mommy to put her to bed.

Monday
Eric's mom was still in town, so Grace stayed home with her instead of going to daycare while Eric and I went to work. We came home and visited for a few minutes and then we went shopping. The gifts I wanted for Christmas this year were better suited to me picking them out, so we went shopping together. I got a new purse and wallet. I also got 2 new pair of work pants and 2 sweaters from New York and Company. It was really fun. Once we finished at the mall, we headed to Outback for dinner. Eric and I had some really nice conversation and I think we both enjoyed our date. We came home around 9 p.m. and just hung out with Donna until time for bed.

Donna left this morning when we left for work. Tonight I'm going to try to pick up a bit and start working on some of my New Year's resolutions. I think I've got some big ones and I want to be ready to go on January 1. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

Plans for the rest of this week include working. Friday morning I have to get my CBC done and then our office closes at 1 p.m. I'll pick Grace up and spend the afternoon with her. I think we'll go to the Christmas Eve service at church on Saturday evening. We don't have any plans for Christmas except opening gifts together and going to church. We may try to get together with Will, Samara, and Ava, but nothing's set yet. Next week I'm off on Monday, I'll work Tuesday and then Tuesday afternoon Donna's coming back for the rest of the week. Wednesday I've got chemo again and I'll hopefully feel better by the new year.

Birthday Photos

Tasty!
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma.

Grace enjoyed her birthday party! I've added even more pictures at Flickr. We had a very busy weekend with the party and extended family Christmas. I'll try to update in detail maybe tomorrow, although Eric and I have a date/shopping night planned, so it may have to wait until Tuesday!

12 Month Checkup

Today Grace had her 12 month doctor's appointment. It was relatively uneventful. She was the cutest baby in the waiting room and we had several comments about how cute her hair is in pigtails. (I may be a little biased, but she is really cute.)

Once we got back to the room, we stripped down to be weighed and measured. She was actually very cooperative laying on the scale, maybe because I was handing over Cheerios? She weighed 21 pounds, 12 ounces and was 29 inches tall. She is now right about the 50th percentile for both height and weight. Considering she started out as a big baby, I'm glad to see that she's back to average. The nurse who weighed her noticed her chicken pox marks (they haven't all faded yet) and decided to take that shot off the list for today.

After that we got to see Dr. H. I really love her, but unfortunately, it seems we only get to see her on "well visits." When Grace is sick we have to see whoever they can get us in with. At least the important questions get run by our doctor. We discussed her development. She's walking, saying a word or two, self-feeding, etc. We discussed the switch to whole milk. Her suggestion is to wean from formula with the bottle. Give Grace milk in a cup, but keep formula in the bottle. I'd like to try to start taking away the bottle after Grace's surgery anyway, so that may be a plan. Although, if Grace seems to like the milk ok, I may switch to milk completely before we're done with the bottle. Grace has been doing well trying out new table foods, so we didn't discuss much there and we don't have any sleep issues, so not much else to discuss.

Dr. H checked her ears and they both had fluid in them. One was slightly cloudy, but she didn't really want to give us another antibiotic, so we've decided to hold off until she gets a full blown ear infection. Also, since no one from Children's Hospital is going to see us again before Grace's surgery next month, she'd like to see Grace about a week to 10 days prior to surgery. That will give her a chance to check her ears again and if she develops another ear infection, we can get it mostly treated before surgery. If no infection, she'll be healthy heading in. After that appointment, our next check-up will be at 15 months.

After the doctor was done, the nurse came back to give Grace her 2 shots in the leg. Grace seemed slightly disturbed by the 2nd stick, but didn't cry at all. Both the nurse and I were amazed that there were no tears or screams, but we weren't complaining if she wasn't. Funny how she'll cry like the world is ending if she can't play with my cell phone, but two needles in the leg get nothing. Hmmm...maybe she's got some of her Mommy's tolerance of needles?

That was about it. Tomorrow night the daycare is having a Christmas program and Grace's class has a song. (I'm curious to see what this is all about), so I'll try to get some pictures. Friday my family is flying in for the party and Saturday is the 1st Birthday Party. I'll do lots of pictures this weekend for your viewing pleasure.

Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma.

Today is Grace's birthday. Doesn't she look excited. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling very well today, so she went to daycare for the day, but we did sing the birthday song and her party is this weekend.


I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. I still remember clearly the first time I got to hold my squirmy cone-headed baby girl.


Today, she can already walk and give hugs and kisses. She is continually showing her growing personality. She is eating mostly table foods and has 4 teeth. She has learned how to throw objects and I think she's going to be left-handed. She is showing signs of real intellingence (although I may be a bit biased). She's learned what "no" means and is starting to obey it regularly. She's figuring out how to manipulate objects and can figure out how things work. I am amazed by her development this year and am excited to see what else she has in store.

On Wednesday she has her 1 year check up with the doctor. We'll be starting to replace whole milk with formula. The carseat is about to turn to forward facing and in one month she'll have her surgery to repair her cleft palate.

Happy Birthday, Grace! Mommy loves you very much.

And for our last update from What to Expect the First Year.
By the end of this month, your baby
...should be able to:
- walk holding on to furniture

...will probably be able to:
- play patty-cake (clap hands) or wave bye-bye
- drink from a cup independently (she's tries, but spills all over herself)
- pick up a tiny object neatly with tips of thumb and forefinger
- stand alone momentarily
- say dada or mama discriminately (mama)
- say one word other than mama or dada (Zeus, although it sounds more like "oooh")

...may possibly be able to:
- indicate wants in ways other than crying
- "play ball" (roll ball back to you)
- stand alone well
- use immature jargoning
- walk well

...may even be able to:
- say three words or more other than mama or dada
- respond to a one-step command without gestures

Chemo #3 & Lovely Visitors

Chemo #3 is in the books, but so far today (Sunday Day #3) I feel the worst. However, I haven't had breakfast yet, so maybe I'll go try that and then come back and see how I feel.

Food helps. I feel a little better.

Friday my appointment was at 11:45 a.m., but things took much longer than normal. They seemed super busy, so I didn't even get the IVs started until about an hour later than normal. Usually the whole process takes about 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Friday we were there until 4 p.m.

I took another break until 7:30 p.m. I've felt pretty awful today. Doing ok right now, but I should probably eat dinner soon before the nausea comes back full force.

Where was I...oh yes...Friday. We picked Grace up on the way home and I took about an hour nap before our guests arrived. I actually didn't feel that bad on Friday. A coworker had dropped dinner off, so I let everyone else eat that and I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup. We also let Grace open her birthday and Christmas presents from Eric and Erica. Erica helped me get Grace to bed and I followed just after 9 when I started to feel bad.

I think the steroid gives me sleeping issues, so Saturday I got up before at about 7:30, about an hour before Grace. Eric went to work for a little bit and the rest of us just hung out until Eric came home from work. When Grace took her morning nap, Erica and I started on the huge job of wrapping Christmas presents. The guys went out and did a little shopping. Eric T needed to get some boots and I needed my Eric to pick up a cord to hook up a scanner that Erica and Eric brought us and I needed to replace the batteries in the baby swing we had borrowed. The guys brought lunch home and after lunch Grace was ready for her afternoon nap. I was ready for a nap too, but my friend Tammy was coming by to visit for a little bit and pick up her baby stuff I borrowed. Her second child is due at the end of Janurary and I had her bouncy seat and swing, so she needed to pick it back up. She brought Jonathan (who is two now) and I finally had to go get Grace up from her nap so they could play a bit. After they left, I took about an hour nap and we put Grace back down for a little longer. We decided to venture out to dinner and we ate at Red Robin. I'd never been there, but it was pretty good. We ordered mac & cheese off the kids menu for Grace and she seemed to enjoy it. We ended up being out past her bedtime though, so she didn't go to bed until 8:30 p.m. Erica and I decided to finish up wrapping the presents and in the process found that the dog had found the Hershey's Pot of Gold chocolates I had purchased for a gift for my father-in-law. I didn't think he would mess with it because it was underneath a couple other items, plus wrapped in saran wrap and in a cardboard box, but Zeus found it anyway. He ate 21 turtle chocolates. He was a sick doggy Saturday night, but is back to himself today.

I didn't sleep well last night, so again I got up around 7:30 a.m. I took all my drugs and ate some oatmeal, but it didn't help that much. Erica and Eric left around that time before Grace and Eric got up. I layed back down until around 8:30 when the rest of the family got up. I really felt sick though, so I layed back down around 10:30. Eric came in around noon and told me Grace was napping and he was going to BW3s to watch the Colts game. Grace and I both got up around 1 and ate some lunch. Then the next 3 hours were really rough. I felt really sick, but I put the baby gate up and Grace had the run of living room and kitchen while I layed on the couch. Around 4, Grace started acting tired again, so we both layed back down for an hour until Eric got home. He's been entertaining her this evening while I have been lounging on the couch. Yuck. I took some more medicine after my nap and around 6:30 finally started to feel a little better. It feels like it's wearing off though, so I'm going to try to eat something before I feel too sick. Hopefully, I'll make it through the survivor season finale tonight.

Tomorrow is Grace's birthday, so I'd like to update for her, although her party isn't until next weekend.

Follow Up

It’s been a busy week. Work has been very busy. People are starting to make sure they use me while I’m in the office. It’s nice to feel needed, but it’s hard because I have to try to get stuff done while I’m in the office, but still keep everyone else in the loop for when I’m out. In the evenings, I’ve been busy too. Monday and Tuesday I tried to study for my CPCU exam which I took yesterday afternoon. It’ll be a couple of days until I get the results, but I’m hopeful that this time I passed.

Tuesday I had another follow-up appointment at Dr. L’s office. As always I had to wait about an hour before she saw me. She checked out my incisions and said they looked good. Our next appointment will be in February and she wants me to get a mammogram and CBC prior to that appointment. It will be close to 6 months since diagnosis. I asked her about getting a follow-up CT of my lungs to check on the spot, but she said to coordinate that with Dr. Y. Since he wanted to do a MUGA scan every 3 or 4 months, I may try to schedule those together sometime in January or February. I also asked how long I’ll keep my port and again she said it will be up to Dr. Y and I. My guess is I’ll want to keep it until we’re done with Herceptin. I’m not really fond of the idea of having to find a vein every 3 weeks for treatment. There was a research assistant who caught me on my way out and wants to discuss a genetic study they are doing. He gave me the information and will try to catch me at another appointment to discuss, but they do a blood test to look for a genetic mutation. This is not the genetic testing for the BRAC1 and BRAC2 genes, but a different gene they are trying to get information on. I’ll probably do it, it’s free and only costs me a vial of blood.

Tomorrow is chemo number three. I’ve been dreading this one for some reason. Maybe because I feel like I know what to expect now. I’m also missing my holiday party for work. Bummer. The bright note is that my friend Erica and her husband are driving over tomorrow to stay for the weekend. Hopefully, I’ll feel well enough to enjoy their company. If not, at least I know they’ll keep Grace entertained while I rest. So because we’re having company tomorrow, tonight is operation clean-the-house. Eric’s volunteered to help though, so it shouldn’t take us too long.

Random Thoughts

I don't feel like I have much to write about, but thought I should give some sort of update.

Last week went well with Eric's Dad here to help us out. He arrived very late on Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I had to go have my bloodwork done. My white counts were low and I think it's added some fatigue this week. I went to work for the rest of the day Wednesday. Thursday I worked until noon and then came home to help out. Thursday night we went out to dinner with Eric's Dad for Eric's birthday. We fed Grace off of our plates and I think she enjoyed the variety. Friday I worked until noon and then Eric's Dad headed home.

I didn't do much this weekend. I did manage to get to the stores to finish my Christmas shopping. Sunday I was on my own with Grace as Eric and Will drove over to Indianapolis for the Colts game. The tickets were my birthday present to him.

I was super busy at work today. People are starting to really take advantage of the time I'm in the office (in a good way). It makes me feel valued and hopefully it will show when performance reviews are done in the near future. I had a client lunch today which was nice. I have a conference call on Wednesday and also on Wednesday I have another CPCU exam to take. I should be studying now, but blogging sounds like more fun.

My brother made it home. He's back in Iowa as of late Saturday night. I got to talk to him on Sunday. He got a new cell phone. He (and my parents) are coming to Grace's birthday party on the 17th.

As for a cancer update:
- I mentioned my white counts were low this week. They were a little higher than my last low week, but still way down.
- I'm fatigued this week. Not really sure if it's the white count or every thing else, but this isn't my best week.
- My hair didn't finish falling out. I really thought that in the 2 week range after my last treatment that the rest of it would go. It didn't. I don't really have a preference either way. It definately got thin enough that I need a wig or other head covering, so I don't regret the buzz cut. I just think it's weird.
- I got my period. I know that's really random, but one of the side effects is stopping of menstration. I have still been mostly charting my cycles and this one was 45 days. I also know I didn't ovulate, but the fact that I had a period makes me think it might be a good sign for future fertility.
- Friday is round 3 and I'm not looking forward to it. The only good thing is that my friend Erica is coming to stay on Friday night. It will be nice to see her and she's the kind of friend that I don't mind being sick and in my sweats in front of. She's also volunteered to help me wrap Christmas presents this weekend. Yeah!

This was a boring post, but that's what's going on. Plans for tonight include trying to get my Christmas cards ready to mail and studying for my exam. I seriously better get better at this studying thing before I start classes for med school. I've got to get good grades on the pre-requisites so I can get in!

Chicken Pox Update

Grace is doing much better now. Almost all of the pox are scabbed over and some have even disappeared. Grandpa has been great to stay with her while we've been working this week. Tomorrow I'm going to work until noon and then come home for the weekend and Grandpa will head out.

She looks much better than this now, but this was Grace at her worst taken Tuesday afternoon.

ABC's

I stole this from some friends and thought it would be fun.

•A is for age: 26
•B is for birthday: March 1 (I changed this question to better suit my readership)
•C is for career: I work for a large commercial insurance brokerage for now, hopefully a medical career in my future
•D is for your dad's name: Buddy (technically, Joseph)
•E is for essential items to bring to a party: Food!
•F is for favorite song at the moment: can't think of one at the moment. I like lots of top 40 stuff, but lean more towards hip hop
•G is for favorite game: Football to watch, Euchre to play
•H is for hometown: C'ville, Indiana
•I is for instruments you play: used to play Saxaphone
•J is for jam or jelly you like: Strawberry on Toast or Grape on PBJ
•K is for kids: 1, Grace
•L is for living arrangements: Single Family home with husband, daughter, dog and cat
•M is for mom's name: Janet
•N is for name of your crush: Vin Diesel and Eminem
•O is for overnight hospital stays: My own birth and Grace's birth
•P is for phobias: Crickets
•Q is for quotes you like: "I love lamp." "I'm riding a furry tractor." - from Anchorman
•R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Husband - 6 years and counting
•S is for sexual preference: I'm a one man kind of woman
•T is for time you wake up: Workdays – 6:30 - 7:00 am (depending on how many times I hit the snooze, Weekends: around 8:00 a.m. (depending on how long Grace will sleep)
•U is for underwear: Yes
•V is for vegetable you love: Peas or restaurant asparagus (never liked it when I've made it)
•W is for weekend plans: finish the Christmas shopping!
•X is for x-rays you've had: Foot and Teeth and full body Bone Scan - If you count CTs - Lungs, Abdomen, Pelvis, Head (Sinuses) and MRIs - Breast and Brain
•Y is for yummy food you make: German Chocolate Cake Cookies, Chicken and Noodles, Yeast Rolls
•Z is for zodiac sign: Pisces

Chicken Pox

It's official. Grace has chicken pox. This morning I counted 13 spots on Grace's face, not counting all the ones hiding in her hair. I called the doctor's office and spoke to the nurse. We decided not to go back to be re-examined and the nurse told us what to do. We'll give her Benadryl to help keep her from itching, Tylenol for the fever, keep her well hydrated and comfortable. She's been overly clingy today and I can tell she just doesn't feel well. Probably doesn't help that she is also fighting a cold and her 4th tooth broke through today. Poor baby.

We've made some plans for this week. First of all, we are cancelling our trip to Philadelphia. Samara, Ava, Grace and I were going to go visit Samara's sister and go shopping this weekend. However, with this new development, plus the fact that her sister's fiance hasn't had chicken pox, we're not going. Eric spoke to his boss and is taking Monday off work. I'll go in and explain things to my boss. I'll take Tuesday off and then half days the rest of the week. Then Grandpa Gary is coming to save the day. Eric's Dad is going to drive over Tuesday night and stay until Friday. He's going to take care of her the rest of the week. To make it a little easier on him, I'll do half days so he won't have to watch her for 3 whole days, but he'll be on his own most of Wednesday. I'll take the morning off that day, because I need to get my bloodwork done, but I won't be home to do a whole lot. I also spoke to my oncologist and he assured me that I am not at any additional risk as my chicken pox antibodies have been there a long time and shouldn't be affected by the chemo.

Here are some pictures from Thankgiving and the chicken pox.

First of all, this is a requested picture of Grace walking yesterday morning.


This is Grace finishing up her Thanksgiving dinner.


While most of it made it into her mouth, the floor got a good deal of Grace's dinner too.


Here is Ava with her sweet potatos.


This is where I was going to put a picture of the girls in the bath, but I just viewed it and realized it shows more of Ava than I feel comfortable putting on the Internet. Especially, since she doesn't belong to me, I shouldn't be putting naked baby pictures of other people's babies on the Internet. Trust me though, it was really a cute picture.

And finally, this picture taken around noon today shows Grace still trying to be happy despite those nasty chicken pox.

Sharing with Friends

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends. We've sort of started our own tradition and it's nice. Last year was the first year I didn't spend Thanksgiving with my extended family. If you remember I was less than a month from my due date last Thanksgiving, so there was no way we could travel, so we started having a new tradition with Will and Samara. Last year when we were both pregnant, we looked forward to this Thanksgiving with our 2 little ones.

We arrived at about 9:45 a.m. and Samara and I did some cooking. Wednesday I made yeast rolls, homemade noodles and cooked the chicken for my chicken and noodles. Thursday morning before leaving the house I made up some cookie dough for my German Chocolate Cake cookies. Once we got there Thursday I cut up some veggies and we had veggies and dip. Samara made the turkey, scalloped corn, yams and mashed potatos. The girls played for a while and after a light lunch/snack Grace took an hour and a half nap. Dinner was ready around 2:30 p.m. and we feasted! Grace ate 2 small rolls, a big spoonful of sweet potatos, and chicken and noodles. Ava had some sweet potatos too. Grace made a mess on the floor and even got mashed potatos in her hair, so after they ate, we decided to give the girls a bath together. It was really cute to watch them. They both kept looking at each other like, "Why is there someone else in here with me?" After the bath, I let Grace take another 45 minute nap while Samara and I cleaned up the kitchen. After that, I made my cookies from the dough I made earlier. We hung out a little and had some dessert and ended up leaving around 7:30 p.m. Once we got home, Grace went straight to bed and we just crashed.

Today Samara and I decided to hit the stores. Ava stayed home with her Daddy and since Eric had to work, Grace came with us. First we went to Kohls and it was totally crazy! Then we went to Babies R Us and it was much more my pace. However, when I was putting Grace's coat on her, I noticed a bump on her neck. Thursday night, we had noticed a bump on her head and so I realized it was still there and I found two more in her hair. I started freaking out a bit and was slightly concerned it looked like Chicken Pox. We had decided we were ready to get some lunch and then be done shopping, so on the way to the restaurant I decided to call Grace's doctor. They said they could see us right away and asked us to use a separate entrance and go into the "rash room." We saw one of the on-call doctors and he made me feel a bit better. For one, Grace isn't running a fever. He said the big bump on her head looked a bit like Chicken Pox but the others didn't. He said if the other bump was there yesterday she would have had lots by today. He said it was likely a bacterial infection and told me to put Neosporin on it. He said if it was Chicken Pox she'd have lots more by tomorrow, so to call them in the morning (they are open until noon) and let them know what it looked like. After that we ate lunch and then Samara went home.

Grace and I took a nap for about an hour and a half and then have just been playing the rest of today. However, I think the doctor may have misdiagnosed us. At the doctors office, I was aware of 4 spots. When I changed Grace's diaper around 5:00 p.m. I notice a spot in the diaper region, plus one on her back and one behind her knee. Before she went to bed, Eric and I did a body check and counted 14 spots including 5 on her head in the hair. I have a feeling they'll be more by morning.

So, I'm waiting for the official diagnosis tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure Grace has the chicken pox. Here are a few of the reasons this is bad:
- Did I mention that Grace and Ava took a bath together yesterday?
- Grace also sneezed directly in Ava's face yesterday.
- We directly exposed a 6 month old to chicken pox.
- I've been off work for a week and a half and probably shouldn't take another week off.
- Grace will be contagious for probably at least a week, so no daycare.
- It's December and Eric can't really take time off either.
- Does an itchy cranky baby home for a week sound like fun?
- Grace will probably still have scabs on her birthday.
- Next week my immune system might be at a low and I'm not sure if I'm at higher risk even though I've had it before.

So, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving sharing with friends. We even decided to share contagious childhood diseases.

Tomorrow, I'll confirm the diagnosis and share some of our pictures from yesterday.

The Weekend and Walking

Today I am recovering from my very busy weekend. I think it went very well though, so I deserve to rest today.

Friday I spent pretty much all day packing/preparing for our trip. I finished up a little laundry, made the lists and even went to the grocery store. We decided to save time, I would pick Eric and Grace up at 5:00 p.m., let Eric change and hit the road immediately. That way we could stop around 6 or 6:30 and get dinner and feed Grace and then head back out. If Eric picked her up and came home first, we wouldn't have even left the house until almost 6 and then we would have had to figure out dinner, etc. Our original plans were to head to a hotel in my hometown that my parents had reserved a room in. They drove in Friday morning and we were all going to share a room. There was a lot of family in town and Grandma's house would have been too crowded. Add a one year old and me on day 3-4 after chemo and it seemed like a better idea to have our own space. Right before I was ready to leave on Friday my Mom called and said that some of our old friends from church had offered to let us stay at their place. They just built and moved into a new house a month ago and it's beautiful. They have three grown children, so the lower level of this house was like a guest suite. There were two completely furnished bedrooms, a living room area and kitchenette. It was perfect. We got in around 10 p.m. and Grace got up and visited with Grandma and Grandpa for a half hour or so and then we all headed to bed.

Saturday morning we got up just after 7 a.m. Mom (Grandma) helped me out with Grace while I got all of her stuff together and dressed. We left the house around 8 to go to the church and get working on stuff. We had to run by Wal-Mart and the grocery store before meeting all the cousins and aunts that were helping at 9 a.m. I was feeling ok and trying to stay on top of the situation by taking my anti-nausea proactively. However, my appetite has been enormous and food really settles my stomach. Dad and Eric had brought us McDonald's to the church, but it wasn't really enough to fill me up, so mid-morning I had to scrounge up some more to eat to make me feel better. I also needed to request a sit-down job and helped with organizing the napkins. There was too much excitement with all the decorating and people for Grace to take a morning nap, so Eric took Grace and I back to the house around 11 to try to get a nap before the party started at 2 p.m. We grabbed lunch on the way and I got her down by 11:45 a.m. I decided I needed to rest a little too, so I took about a 45 minute nap.

My Grandparents 50th Anniversary Open House started was from 2 to 4 p.m. Fifty years is so amazing. I love that I have such amazing examples to look up to. My grandparents have been together 50 years and my parents have been together 28 years. Between them they have 6 children who were all present with the exception of my Uncle Tom who is deceased. They have 11 grandchildren, who were all present with the exception of my brother who did call in and was on the phone with Grandpa during our photo. They have 13 great-grandchildren who were all present. Add that to the friends and extended family and it was quite a gathering.



This picture is of the Grandchildren. Notice the stick with the head and coat? That's my brother. My Dad put his head on a stick and they put a coat on him, so he could make it into pictures and sit with us at the table. It was actually kind of funny.



After the party, we changed clothes and then went to Grandma and Grandpa's to visit for a while. We only stayed until about 7:30 because Grace was really needing to get to bed. We went back to the house, put her to bed and then visited with my parents and friends until time for bed.

Sunday morning Grace was up at 6 a.m., so we got an early start home. We were home before noon and spent the rest of the day resting or chasing after Grace.

Two more things. First, when Jeremy called in we found out that he'll be leaving for Kuwait on Thanksgiving and then leaving to go to Fort Bragg on the 27th. (That was second-hand info, so I may be a little off). Anyway, he should be back in the states by Dec. 4th and then back in Iowa by the 11th. Yeah!

Secondly, Grace decided she can walk. It's the craziest thing. She's been taking steps for a while now. At night we practice having her walk back and forth between Eric and I. She'd take 2 or 3 or 4 steps and then lunge into us. Now, she thinks she can walk and that's how she's getting around. She'll stand up and then head across the room. I'm talking big distances. If she's near a table or something, she deliberately won't hold on. She'll walk the length of the coffee table right beside it and never touch it. It's really cute because she's totally wobbly, but she is determined that she knows how to walk now. She barely crawled all weekend. She has been trying to stand up without using anything to pull herself up, but hasn't quite mastered that yet. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. It's like it clicked in her head and that's the only way for her to get around now. I have a feeling the bumps and bruises will be much worse for a little while, because she's not that good at the walking thing yet, but I'm so proud of her!

Almost

My hair is almost gone. This was taken this morning freshly out of the shower. Last night Eric told me he thought I'd be bald by Sunday. I think it depends on how long I shower tomorrow. It's funny because to me my hair looks much lighter in color now, but it's just because it's so thin. The hairs in my hands in the shower are still very dark.



For comparison, the family pictures I posted yesterday were taken two weeks ago tomorrow.

When the hair goes it goes. It's been falling out for just 9 days.

Family Christmas Pictures

Christmas 2005 - 1
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma.

These are the pictures we got taken a couple of weekends ago. See the Grace Pictures at Flickr for the rest of them. Or click on the picture in this entry. We had 7 pictures taken. They were all good, but we chose one Christmas pose for our wallets (It may have been this one) we'll send out with Christmas cards. We also got a free 8x10 and ordered the one with the white background in a 11x14 for our living room.

Chemo #2

I had my second dose of chemo today. The routine was pretty much the same as last time. My blood counts were back up in the normal range, so that was good news. I did talk to Dr. Y and he gave me some more info about my second stage of chemo. I'll have one more round of my current regimen (FEC) and then I'll start Taxotere for 3 cycles. I'll start Herceptin when I start Taxotere and then do it every week, since I have to go in for my CBCs weekly. However, once I finish the Taxotere, they'll change my Herceptin regimen to every 3 weeks. I'll just get a larger dose. I had Dr. Y write me a prescription for a "Hair Prothesis." Last week I called my insurance company and found out that they will cover 1 wig per year for me at 100% reimbursement, as long as I have a prescription. Since my Mom already bought one for me, I just need to discuss with my Mom how to handle the reimbursement money and then send in my paperwork. Maybe I'll have him write me another prescription in January and get a new style.

My hair is falling out like there's no tomorrow. I actually have a few bald spots now. Last night, for fun, Eric and I took the tape/lint brush roller and rolled it over my head to see how much hair we could get off. It filled up pretty quickly. My wig is still itchy, so I ordered a wig/cap to wear under it. To be more comfortable, I just wore my scarf today. It's really pretty and matched my outfit, so that was fine. I don't really mind that people might know about the cancer, I'd rather be comfortable.

It's 5:30 p.m. and Eric is picking up Grace. I just took a anti-nausea pill and am about to go start some chicken noodle soup. Luckily I don't have a headache this time, but I still feel sick. I came home and took a two hour nap and now am just hanging out on the couch. I don't like chemo very much, but I hope that by this time next week I'll be back to my old self. It's good for me in the long run, right?

11 Months

Grace turned 11 months old this weekend. I can't believe she's almost a year old. Her development is so amazing. Physically, she has 3 teeth. She is trying to walk. We practice letting her walk back and forth between Eric and I. She has taken four steps unassisted, but usually just takes two or three. She has been very talkative lately. She's starting to jabber. Her new thing is playing with her toy telephones (or real ones). She will put the phone up to her ear and say something that sounds suspiciously like "hello?" We have been trying to introduce more "real" foods. We haven't sent baby food to daycare in two weeks. We are still feeding stage 3's for dinner, but I'm trying to introduce more people food. She loves fruit and we just started eating Cheerio's instead of just fruit puffs. She also is very interested in drinking out of a cup. She wants to hold it though, so it's a struggle to keep whatever's in the cup from going all over her. Her temper is coming out too. When she doesn't get her way, she will now cry and throw herself face down on the floor. We aren't giving in to her, but it is so funny to watch her get mad. Unfortunately, this means there is more crying in the house than there was a month ago. I guess I'd rather have the crying than a child with no rules or boundries.

Here are the milestones Grace has reached according to "What to Expect the First Year." Grace's accomplishments are in bold.

By the end of the eleventh month, your baby
...should be able to:
- get into a sitting position from stomach
- pick up tiny object with any part of thumb and finger
- understand word "no" (but not always obey it)

...will probably be able to:
- play patty-cake (clap hands) or wave bye-bye
- walk holding on to furniture (cruise)

...may possibly be able to:
- pick up a tiny object neatly with tips of thumb and forefinger
- stand alone momentarily
- say dada or mama discriminately (no dada, but I think she knows what mama means)
- say one word other than mama or dada (She may be saying Zeus or hello, but I don't know for sure yet)

...may even be able to:
- stand alone well
- indicate wants in ways other than crying
- "play ball" (roll ball back to you)
- drink from a cup independently (sippy cup)
- use immature jargoning (gibberish that sounds like baby is talking a foreign language
- say three or more words other than mama or dada
- respond to a one-step command without gestures (give that to me - without hand out)
- walk well

Losing It

After some more internal debating, yesterday I went through with it and got my hair buzzed. It was sort of hard for me considering I still have/had a lot of hair. People that don't know me wouldn't have been able to tell that I was losing it. I could tell though. It was already feeling and looking thinner and everytime I ran my hands through my hair, I ended up with handfuls. While, I probably could have delayed for a while longer, I didn't know how long. Each day the volume of hair coming out was getting progressively worse. I don't know if my first bald spot will show up tomorrow or Wednesday or if I could go another week. I didn't want Monday to wake up with scalp showing and have to figure out what to do about work. Plus, I was filling my trashcans and couldn't keep my hands out of my hair.

So, Saturday morning after going to breakfast with Chadd, Danialle, Eric and Grace, the guys went to do some errands of their own and Danialle and Grace came with me to Great Clips. Here is the before picture:



If you look back to my previous picture of the hair cut, I think you can tell it's thinner now. When it was my turn, I told the woman who was going to cut my hair that I wanted her to wash it first. My scalp is so tender lately, that I really thought a shampoo and massage would feel good. While we were walking to the sink, I told her that I wanted to warn her that I was undergoing chemo therapy and that I was losing my hair. I didn't want her to freak out when it came out in clumps in her hands. Then I told her when we were done that I was going to have her cut it all off. She said, "All of it?" I said yes and she asked if I was sure. I then ran my hand through my hair and showed her the handful that came out. Then she understood. She did a really good job washing my hair and asked me several questions about the type of cancer and my age and if I had kids. When she was done washing my hair I tried to take a look at the sink, but she had already grabbed the hair to take it to the trashcan. It was a big handful. She saw me look and said, "I didn't want you to have to see that." It must have been alot.

We went to the chair and she got out the clippers. We decided to start with a 3/4 inch guard and just see how short I wanted to go. I decided against going bald, just because buzzed will look better for now and relieve most of the issues with the clumps of hair. Plus shaving next to the skin, I could get cut and I certainly don't need an infection. The 3/4 inch was too long, so we went down to a 1/2 inch. Danialle and Grace came over to watch. Grace seemed to be facinated. Here I am in the chair.



There was a point when I saw my hair coming off that I cried a little. It wasn't sobbing, but it was hard to see my hair falling on the floor. This is real now, I officialy feel like a cancer survivor. There were a couple other people in the salon. There was one woman who was there with her daughter and another woman. I could see her watching me in the mirror. When she noticed I saw her looking at me, she told me she overheard my story and she thought I was brave. Danialle told me that she was crying. Everyone kept telling me it looked good. Thankfully, I don't have a weird shaped head, so that's a relief. When we finished, the stylist told me she wanted to give me a hug. I hugged her. It was an emotional event and I'm guessing was her most interesting cut of the day.

Here I am in the salon, just after the haircut.



Once we finished, we went to the grocery store and then went home. I had a migraine by the time we went to the store, so we skipped any other shopping. I kind of think it was stress again. I came home and took some Imitrex and then our guests let me take a nap for about an hour and a half. When I woke up I still had a killer headache, so I took a second dose. I started to feel better after that. Our babysitter came at 5:30 p.m. We went to dinner and a movie. While I was getting ready and was dressed and had my makeup on, but no wig, Eric told me I looked hot. He tried to convince me to go out without the wig, but I didn't want people to stare at me. He said he really likes it short and thinks it looks good. Not that I'd wear it this way on purpose, but it's nice to hear. So, I wore my wig all night. Here is the new look with the wig.



So a day later, I keep forgetting I don't have much hair. It has been nice that I'm not distracted by the clumps of hair falling out. We stayed home this morning since Danialle and Chadd were still here. Eric took them to the airport before he went to watch football, so I haven't left the house today. I'm definately not wearing the wig around the house. It is very itchy (maybe because I still have hair?) and sort of irritated my scalp. I think I'm going to get a wig cap to wear underneath. I think the hair cut was a good idea. Last night after we got home and I took off the wig, I can see where my hair is super thin in the sideburn area. It looks like where the wig was rubbing, it rubbed off the hair. Today if I got into the restroom and rub my head over the sink it gets covered in short little hairs. So even though it isn't nearly as noticable, I still am losing a ton of hair, it is just much shorter. I'm thinking I'll have bald spots within the week.

I've got some good updates on Grace and I need to do her 11 month update, but I'll save that for tomorrow.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's official. I'm losing my hair. Wednesday was the start and each day has gotten progressively worse. Today, it's not an exageration to say I'm losing handfuls of hair. I can tell it's thinner. It looks thinner. Luckily, I had a whole lot to start with so if you didn't know me, you wouldn't be able to tell yet. The worst part is all of my trashcans look like a small furry animal crawled into them and died. Last night I slept in my turban/cap to keep my pillow from being covered. My scalp is feeling sore too. Like the weight of my hair is just too much. I keep having Eric massage it for me.

So, tomorrow I'm making an event of it. In just one hour from now, Danialle and Chadd will be landing in Columbus for the weekend. Tomorrow morning, Danialle, Samara and I will be going to shave my head. Afterwards we might have to try a little retail therapy. I'm thinking some new shoes would make my head look much better! I'll get to spend the whole day with Danialle and then tomorrow night we have plans! We have a babysitter coming to watch Grace and then the four of us have dinner reservations and may decide to go to a movie. We originally were going to the comedy club, but I didn't get tickets soon enough. Anyway, I have the sitter until midnight, so we're going to try to do something fun outside the house. But even if we came home and played games it would be a good time.

On another note, I had a really nice week at work. Everything went along nicely without me and my coworkers have been so nice to me now that I'm back. They asked me enough questions and had me help out enough that I know I was missed, but they are still running with my work. I got some things done that I never have time to do and didn't feel stressed at all. I've got a great schedule right now. I'm going to work Monday and Tuesday and then will probably go back after Thanksgiving. I have told my boss that I'm planning a week off after each treatment. That would put me back on Wednesday before Thanksgiving, but as the office closes at 1 p.m .that day, it seems silly to go in, so I may just take a week and a half off.

Ok, I'm going to go sit anxiously waiting for my company to arrive! I plan on taking before, during and after pictures of the hair cut and let you see me in my wig! I've got company, so it may be Sunday before I post again, but I'll be sure to post.

Blood and Hair

Today has been an interesting day. This morning in the shower I noticed that I may be having the beginning of my hair loss. It wasn't handfuls or clumps, but when I was washing my hair I noticed about three times more than normal in my hands. I may need to go get my head shaved this weekend after all. Tomorrow will be the two week mark, so things might be on schedule.

I had a 9:00 a.m. appointment to get my blood drawn. Since I'm getting over my cold fairly quickly, I thought I'd be in good shape. I also have much more energy than last week. Anyway, my white blood cells were low. The normal range is 4.5 to 11. Last week I was at 5.4, today I was at 1.7. This means that I am more prone to infection, so I have to be careful not to do anything that puts me more at risk. I also have to start taking an antibiotic as a preventative. I still feel ok and they said it's pretty typical for your second week to be a little low. They expect next week for my counts to be back up and I should be able to get my chemo on schedule.

Tonight I went to the "Look Good, Feel Better" class sponsored by the American Cancer Society. There were four of us there. I was the youngest, but not by much. There was a woman there who was 30. Two of them had lost their hair already and the other woman was on week 2 also. We spent the first hour learning about makeup. The coolest thing was that they gave us free makeup. Different comestic companies donate makeup. My kit had Q-tips, a mirror, lotion, facial cleansing cloths, moisturizing cream, sunscreen, concealer, liquid foundation, stick foundation, blush, eyeshadow, 2 eyeliners, mascara, lip liner, 3 lipstick/lip glosses. After the makeup demo, we went over wigs, scarves, and other head coverings. We went over how to tie scarves and a cool t-shirt turban thing. It was fun and nice to talk to other cancer survivors. I'd recommend it to anyone.

I'll have to update tomorrow depending on the hair situation.

My Weekend

Tomorrow morning I go back to work. I think I'm ready. I finally feel like my old self, although I've come down with a cold this weekend. I'm popping Sudafed like candy though, so hopefully it won't get too bad.

I've had a very nice somewhat relaxing weekend and I think I'm ready to get back to normal with work.

Friday evening Eric brought a pizza home with him from work so we had pizza and after Grace went to bed we watched two movies. We rented "The Longest Yard" and "Guess Who?" They were both really good and we haven't rented movies in a long time.

Saturday morning I got up with Grace and we played until she went down for her morning nap at about 9:45 a.m. Eric was just getting up and I was still tired, so I took a 45 minute nap until 10:30. Then I got in the shower and Grace got up at 11 a.m. We had an appointment to get our pictures taken at 12:10 and managed to get out the door at 11:30. We had to buy Grace some new black shoes for the pictures, so by the time we did that, it was time. They were running late, but we still managed to get out of there by 1:30 p.m. I'm very pleased with our family pictures and they will be going out with our Christmas cards. I also should get them online in about a week, so I'll post one when I get them. After we got home, Grace took a nap and Eric watched football. I just hung out and did some stuff on the computer. Will came over and watched one of the games and Grace and I played until it was time for her dinner/bath/bedtime routine.

Today, I got to sleep in until 8:30 (Sunday's are Daddy's days). We went to church and then afterwards, we went to BW3's for lunch. I came home when the games started and Eric stayed with Martin to watch Martin's team (since the Colt's play tomorrow night). Grace fell asleep before we left the restaurant and stayed asleep when I put her in her crib. I almost took a nap, but realized I wasn't really tired, so I got up and did some cleaning while Grace slept for the next hour. When she got up, I played some music in her room and cleaned it and lowered her crib mattress while she played with her toys. Then we moved downstairs and I cleaned the kitchen while Grace played some more. After her afternoon bottle, we made our weekly trek to the grocery store. By the time we got home and put away the groceries it was time for dinner.

Tonight I'm updating her baby book, finishing up my thank you notes, and maybe getting some more of my photo album captions done while I go watch Desperate Housewifes and Grey's Anatomy starting just 30 minutes from now.

Ok, that sounds like a really boring weekend, but it was so nice to just do normal stuff and not feel wore out. I don't even really mind the cold, at least that's a "normal" illness.

I'll try to update a couple times next week, but going back to work may put a cramp in my Internet time. So far next week looks like this:
Monday - Watching the Colts game!
Tuesday - no specific plans
Wednesday - CBC in the morning, "Look Good Feel Better" class in the evening Thursday - Lots of TV to watch, but maybe doing some cleaning for our company Friday - Danialle and Chadd in for the weekend!
Saturday - Babysitter coming and dinner and comedy club plans!
Sunday - friends leave, rest up.

Tomorrow Grace is wearing her Payton Manning jersey to daycare. Sounds like a photo opportunity!

I Have A Plan

I spent much of today researching the medical school situation. First of all, this is going to be a long process. I scheduled a phone appointment with a pre-med advisor at the undergraduate school to discuss how I should go about doing the pre-requisites. As I have a business degree, I only took 1 semester of physics in college. To apply to med school I will need a full year (3 quarters or 2 semesters, plus labs) of physics, general chemistry, organic chemistry, and biology. It is also recommended that I take some anatomy or physiologoy classes.

I also called and spoke to someone in the admissions office of a local community college. Online I figured out that I can take all of the needed courses, but since I already have a degree I wasn't sure how what to declare as a "major". The admissions woman was extremely helpful and I think I may have a plan for applying and meeting with someone to be sure I am taking the correct course work.

It would be possible for me to start taking courses Winter Quarter (January), but I don't want to risk missing classes or anything because of chemo. By January, I may be pretty tired out, not to mention Grace's surgery is in January and I'll have her at home for a couple of weeks. So, the plan is to start taking courses during the Spring Quarter which begins in March. All of my needed courses are offered either during the evening hours, weekends, or via a "hybrid" class which has the lecture portion online and you only have to go to the labs.

I mapped out a course work timeline. Taking only 1 course next Spring and Summer and then 2 per quarter after that, I will take classes through Spring of 2008. I will have from March to August to study for the MCAT, which is only offered in April and August. I will take it in August 2008 and submit my application for medical school by the December 2008 deadline. Assuming I am accepted, I would start school in the fall of 2009.

That gives me 4 years to get things in order. I'll be extremely busy taking classes in the mean-time, but that will give me practice to get back in the study mode. I'll also have the next 4 years to beef up the extra-curricular parts of my application. Special consideration is given to community involvement and leadership. I would like to get involved with some local breast cancer groups, and maybe I can get involved in some other support groups or health related fields. They want applicants to have experience being around sick people (I wonder if my hours in the chemo room will count?). You also have to have experienced time with physicians. I have the feeling either Dr. L or Dr. Y would be happy to let me shadow them for a day if I told them I wanted to go to medical school. I also have a really good relationship with Grace's pediatrician, so maybe I could even get her to help me with that. I'll also be able to work on getting our finances in order and being prepared to become unemployed in four years. It's also not close enough, so that my current employer needs to get too concerned.

I also did a little calculation and I don't think having a second child is going to interfere with the plans either. I will have my 2 year cancer check up in September 2007. Assuming we get the "all clear" and permission to try to get pregnant, we will wait until January 2008. If I got pregnant immediately, the baby would be due in September, just after I take the MCAT. I would have almost an entire year before starting school. So I'd have a 5 year old and 1 year old when I started school.

Of course, this all still has to be approved by the Big Guy, but it's exciting to see that this is a possibility. You never know, He may decide he wants me to start sooner than 4 years from now, and I may do pre-requisites full time. Maybe Eric will have an awesome job fall in his lap and make enough money that I can quit earlier. But for now, this is the plan. I think it's a good one.

Halloween Pictures

As promised, here are Grace's pictures from her first Halloween. The first one is the best of her costume. The last one is what she looked like to everyone while Trick-Or-Treating in her stroller. She wasn't a fan of the hat and refused to stand up in her dress.

Much Better Now

I feel much better today. I decided to just listen to my body and I didn't move off the couch yesterday until it was time to go to see Dr. L for my post-op appointment. My appointment was at 4:15 p.m. and then I went and picked Grace up. She was in a fabulous mood and I enjoyed every moment of the two hours I had with her before bed. We played a very exciting game of peek-a-boo and I can't tell you what happens to my heart when that girl giggles.

Speaking of my appointment...there must be something about that place. I get teary eyed every appointment. I'm glad I like my doctors. Dr. L gave me a hug when she came in and even noticed I'd cut my hair. She asked appropriate questions regarding the chemo. She checked my scars and said I'm healing beautifully. I mentioned that I'm getting tender in the underarm area over the last few days and she said I have a bit of fluid build up. She said she could drain it for me, but that would require sticking a needle in it and she wasn't crazy about doing that since the chemo makes me more prone to infection. I wasn't crazy about the idea of having another needle stuck into me either, so we decided to wait and see if it gets worse. I'm supposed to rest it and use a heating pad, which should take care of it too. I also have a couple of stiches that haven't dissolved yet. As long as I don't pick at them, they are fine to stay and will eventually disolve, so I decided not to have her dig those out either. I asked her about going back to work. She said it's up to me, but I got the distinct impression that she would rather me take my time and be sure I'm ready. She said I'll know when it's time. So, I've decided to take her advice. I was considering going back tomorrow, but now I'll wait until Monday. That will give me a full week plus Monday and Tuesday the following week before I'm out again for chemo #2.

Today I had to go to Dr. Y's office for my CBC (complete blood count). My appointment was at 9 a.m., but I never know what traffic will do. I got there at 8:35 a.m. and Dr. Y was getting out of his car when I pulled up. He saw me, and stopped and waited on me to get out and walked in with me. He asked me how last week went and lots of questions about side effects. I told him I've been tired (mostly this week) and that I thought I was getting a mouth sore, but it seemed to go away and now I have a mild sore throat. He told me after they took my blood he'd take a look at it for me. I went in and they took me back pretty quickly. I had to psyche myself up to get stuck in the port again. I think I make it worse by worrying, it really doesn't hurt that much, I just don't like the idea of a big needle aimed at my chest. While they were running my bloodwork, Dr. Y took me back to a room and looked at my throat. He said it was a little red, but not bad and told me to call if it gets worse. About 5 minutes later, I had my results and the numbers were all still in the normal range! Dr. Y took a quick look and then told me he'd see me next week. I really like him. I'd had some people give me a hard time for not going to the Cancer Hospital in this town, but I really think I'm getting great care.

So after the doctor appointment, I did a little grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, grabbed some Chipotle for lunch then came home and read a little of a book I'm reading for fun. Then I took a two hour nap, got up finished my book and that's about it for today.

I promise tonight when Eric gets home, I'll track down the camera and post our Halloween pictures. I think Grace is about to get her 3rd tooth and it makes me a little sad. I love her two little bottom teeth, but the top right tooth is about to come in. I'm sure it will be plenty cute too. I also made an appointment to get a family Christmas picture done on Saturday. I'm not sure how Eric will feel about the idea, but it's scheduled! I bought a cute black, red, and white outfit for Grace earlier this week. Today, I got a black skirt and red top for me and I bought Eric a red, black and white tie that he can wear with a white dress shirt. I think we will look nicely color coordinated. I wanted to get the picture done before I start losing my hair, but mostly so I'd have pictures to send out in Christmas cards. I think I need to make my Christmas card list soon, so I'll know what to order.

That's it for now. Check in later for pictures!

Brain Fog

I feel icky. I feel bad complaining, but I should get a chance to do that on occassion, right?

I'm so tired. I think the fatigue thing has set in. It probably doesn't help that it's all rainy outside. Yesterday, I went back to bed at 8:00 a.m. (after Eric and Grace left for work) and slept until 10:30 a.m. Then I went to lunch with some work friends and was wiped out. I came home and napped from 2 to 3:30 p.m. and then picked Grace up around 5. I could hardly keep my eyes open until 10 p.m. yesterday. This morning I got up with Grace at 7. My underarm incision is starting to hurt again, so I wonder if I may be overdoing it. I managed to get her fed and ready for daycare before going back to bed. I got up at 10 and have been just sitting on the couch for the last hour. I don't even know what to do. Everything seems like it would take too much energy. I've got an appointment with Dr. L this afternoon, we'll see what she says about my stitches. Tomorrow morning I have a CBC, I wouldn't be surprised if my white counts have dropped a bit. Maybe that would explain why I'm so wiped out. My throat was a little sore this morning too.

Seems like I should have had a purpose to this post other than to complain, but I can't seem to find it. I don't even have pictures to post. Eric took the camera to work, so I'll have to wait until later to post Grace's Halloween pictures. Well, I'm going to try to find something fairly productive to do that doesn't take too much energy. Can't believe I might go back to work this week. At least I'd feel like less of a bum, but I'm not sure how I'll do without the naps.

I'll try to find something better to post about later. I'm sure I'll pull out of this funk.

Cuts

Grace and Mommy
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma.

This is my first time trying to blog from Flickr, so here's my picture. I got my hair cut this weekend. I didn't take any glamourous photos, but this one will work. This was Grace and I just before church on Sunday. The hair cut was actually done on Saturday. I didn't even have to leave the house. Samara's brother's girlfriend is going to cosmotology school and came over to do it. I think it's cute, and it will be less drastic when it starts falling out.

Things are going well around here. I think I've been more tired than normal, but I'm getting on with things. Saturday, Samara and family were over while I got my hair cut and then they took Grace to the mall in the afternoon and Eric and I both napped. Saturday evening, they ordered us pizza and we all ate a bit before they went home and we sent Grace to bed.

Sunday, I did go to church and then to Applebee's for lunch. I felt a little dizzy at church, so I sat down alot of the time, but it was nice to leave the house. I think the time change is doing me in. Otherwise, I feel ok. I haven't taken naseau drugs since Saturday and besides a mild case of heartburn I think I'm doing ok.

I was supposed to go to the "Look Good, Feel Better" class put on by the American Cancer Society today, but the cosmotologist is sick, so they had to cancel. I'm not too disappointed, I'm about ready for a nap and tonight is Beggar's night, so I'll have to go get Grace in a couple of hours so I can have her in her costume for trick or treating.

I also had Eric take pictures of my scars if anyone wants to see them. There's no nudity involved and they are close-ups, so you may not be able to tell where they are.
Lumpectomy
Port
Sentinel-Node (Underarm)


And finally, for your viewing pleasure, here was the cutest goblin on the block before daycare this morning. I tried to get her standing but she just wanted to try to get the camera, so the only picture we could get was her sitting on Daddy's lap. I'll take more pictures tonight in her princess costume.

First Steps

I'm such a bad mommy that I didn't post this before, but give me a little slack, I've had alot going on.

On Tuesday, I saw Grace take two steps. Now when I described it to Eric, he said she did it over the weekend, but we all know that it doesn't count until Mommy sees it. I was picking her up from daycare and she took my keys and was playing with them. She forgot she was holding on to a toy for balance and stood without holding anything (but my keys) for maybe 10 seconds. Then she turned to me and took two tiny steps before falling into my arms. I had a 5 year old boy that told me I had "a cool baby" as my witness. I was so excited.

Grace is getting much more daring. She is taking bigger risks while cruising. She lets go quicker and tries to cross bigger gaps. It won't be long now before she's completely mobile. One good thing about her being mobile is that she doesn't want to sit and be held, so I don't think she really notices I'm not holding her as much.

And just because I can't get through a post without mentioning something about myself... Last night was not fun. I was naseaous from the time of my last post until I went to bed at 9:30 p.m. My "as needed" pill took the edge off for about an hour. I never ended up vomitting, but I felt horrible. I also had a headache which may have contributed to the nausea. Headache is gone today and so is most of the nausea. I'm slightly queasy, but I've been able to leave the couch, eat a bowl of cereal, and eating some more chicken soup for lunch. If I've had the worst of it, I'll be just fine. Just waiting on a coworker to bring over dinner to stick in the oven and then I may take a nap.

One more thing. I want to congratulate my cousin Stacie, her husband Scott, and Nathanial and Amelia for bringing home their new daughter/sister from China yesterday. Welcome to America, Ellie! Hopefully, I can meet her in person in about 3 weeks at Grandma and Grandpa's 50th Anniversary party.

Chemo #1

First of all, can I say, thank God for wireless internet and a laptop. There's no way I'd be in the basement at the desk right now.

So the journey begins. One down, five to go. I didn't sleep well last night. The waiting is just really hard. We got to the doctor's office around 9. I met with a nurse and she had me take two of my prescriptions. One for nausea and a steroid to help prevent any adverse reactions to the medication. Then she had to start the IV in my port. I was really scared to have her stick the needle in my chest, especially after she confirmed it would hurt. It wasn't too bad though. They just used a cold numbing spray first and then it felt alot like getting a regular IV. Once it was in, she flushed it with saline and it was fine. She also took blood to check my blood counts.

I met with the doctor briefly and asked him to print me copies of my reports from my CT scan and bone scan. Then I moved to the chair to get started. They kept an open line for saline and then gave me an IV steroid and another anti-nausea drug. Next they "pushed" the Epirubicin (E). It was bright red and came in 5 big syringes. The nurse sat with me as she injected it into my IV. It took about 25 minutes. After a saline flush, they set up the Cytoxan (C) on an IV drip that took about 45 minutes. Last they "pushed" the 5-FU (F) and it took about 5 minutes. They did a final flush, unhooked me and sent me home.

I got home and took a two hour nap. My tummy feels weird. Not full blown nausea, but definately unsettled. I also feel very weak and a little achy. I just gave in at 5, to taking my first "as needed" naseau pill. I have some soup on the stove I'm going to try to eat and then plan on spending the rest of the evening on the couch watching the Thursday night line up.

I cried today. This was harder than I expected. I didn't expect to be so afraid of the port. It's also really weird to go from feeling completely fine in the morning to icky in the afternoon. I went in today and willingly let the doctors drip poison into my veins. I'm trying not to get too weepy, because I have a hint of a headache. Headache is one of the side effects on the list I'm supposed to report. I didn't think to ask today if I could take an Imitrex during a treatment cycle for my headache or if they will have something else. I think I'll wait and see if my head hurts tomorrow and give them a call.

Well, my pill has had it's 30 minutes to kick in, so I'm going to try to eat my soup and crackers before Eric gets back with Grace. I'll try update again tomorrow.

My Life - In Review

This is the post that I started on paper at 4:30 a.m. last Wednesday. I decided to take a look at my life and try to figure out what it all means.

The definition of life from dictionary.com includes a. The interval of time between birth and death and b.The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence.

I've always considered my life fairly average...with highlights. I put together this photo album to capture some of the highlights. I have added captions to explain, and want to apologize that some of the pictures are very blurry. I do not have a scanner, so I manually took pictures of each picture.

My life began on March 1, 1979 when I was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee. We moved to Indiana when I was probably about 2 (I'm not entirely sure) and I lived in the same town (in a couple different houses) until I went to college. I became a big sister in 1983 when my brother Jeremy was born on April Fools Day. In bullet points, my life went something like this.
- My parents loved each other and stayed married while other parents got divorced (they are on 28 years and counting).
- I always got good grades in school.
- I had the typical teenage social dramas with friends and boyfriends and learning how to grow up. Luckily, I missed out on the drugs and alcohol part of that.
- I graduated in the top 10 of my highschool class and was awarded a full scholarship (tuition, room & board, plus books for 4 years) to Indiana State University.
- I started with a Marketing major, added Insurance and Risk Management as a double major during my sophmore year. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a 4.0 GPA in my four year college stay.
- During my junior year of college I met the man who was to be my husband. We were engaged over the summer before our senior year and married 1 week after our graduation day.
- We moved to Ohio and started our lives. I had a job I loved and was a perfect fit with my education.
- During my first year in Ohio I managed to meet Samara, who would become my best friend.
- After 1 year in an apartment, we bought a house, that we still love.
- I got pregnant 1 year later, had a miscarriage, and then managed to get pregnant again.
- While working on bridesmaid stuff for one of my other best friends weddings in early 2003, we came up with a sacred tradition called GWO.
- Right around Thanksgiving 2004, my baby brother went to Iraq.
- Grace was born December 12, 2004.

Overall, I've been happy. I have a great relationship with my parents. I am on good terms with my inlaws. I have friends I love. We found a church family. And the list goes on. All of the things on my list were important moments for me, but in the scheme of things, isn't this the same life most people live? Sure, the details are different, but isn't this a fairly typical story? Am I really any different than most people?

Then I got breast cancer. Breast cancer happens to hundreds of thousands of people too, but this is the first thing that's happened in my life that really makes me feel different. It happens to lots of people, but why me?

Right now, I think we've got this thing under control. I don't think I'm going to die, but I do feel like this should be a big deal. I've been reading alot of books lately with insight from breast cancer survivors. A common theme seems to be that their diagnosis was a wake up call to cherish every moment. Take those life changing risks. Really make a difference.

I was feeling this tug even before my diagnosis. It's become much more clear to me since my Emmaus Walk. I feel like I'm being called to ease the pain of those who are hurting. It sounds so gradiose. I've never been what I would consider an empathatic person, but all my life experiences seem to lead me that way. I still feel like I've had a great life, but I've also had all these experiences that would let me say, "I have some idea how you are feeling."

I haven't had multiple failed pregnancies, but I have had one. I know how your heart breaks when the doctor says there isn't a heartbeat and you realize that the child inside you will never grow up.

I didn't have a miserable pregnancy with severe morning sickness, sciatic nerve pain, and sleepless nights, but I did have a healthy one. I know the joy of the first movement, the pains of labor, and the sweet relief of an epidural.

I didn't have a baby with a severe birth defect or illness, but I do know the fear when they tell you something is wrong in the delivery room. I understand what it means to adapt to a new reality when you find out you can't breastfeed, you'll need special bottles, a major surgery for your baby with a night's stay in the hospital, and years of follow up appointments. Soon I'll know how it feels to watch the doctors take your baby into surgery and the wait until you can hold her again.

I didn't have to take medication, but I cried enough the first two months of Grace's life to understand why people do. It's hard being a Mom and we have the right to cry about it.

I didn't lose a breast, but I am a breast cancer survivor. I've had two surgeries, and just about the most aggressive cancer I could have. We just caught it early. Very soon I'll know the side effects of the chemo. What if feels like to lose my hair, the nauseau, vomitting, fatigue, the chemical menopause. Then the 7 weeks of daily radiation treatments. Soon, I'll know.

I haven't had any fertility issues, but I've cried with my friend. I've been touched by so many stories from my "friends" on the Internet and more importantly my real life friend. I've learned the lingo and the tests and the treatments and the most important things not to say. I keep this close to my heart because my cancer has already delayed my plans to conceive my second child. I know the very real risk that the chemo could damage my eggs and I may never get to experience pregnancy and birth again.

So even though I haven't had the worst experiences, I've had enough to be relevant. I'm excited and terrified of what I'm supposed to do about it. It's going to take a long time and some major life changes to make it happen, but I'm going to start the process to become a doctor. (I still want to run and hide when I say that).

Here are some other ideas I've had that I may do too:
- Get involved/create a support group
- Lead a bible study
- Write a book

Honestly, all of these things scare me, but I can't help feeling like there is a reason events come into your life and if I ingnore the reason, then I'm not going to get anything positive from the bad things.

This post didn't flow like I thought it would, but at least it's in writing now. Just more to think about in my head.

Walk to Emmaus and Response to Your Assignment

Last night I got home from my Walk to Emmaus. I was going to post a link to the website, but as it includes names and home churches of everyone on the Walk, I'll leave it off of this site.

The only thing I can say about the Walk is that it was incredible. If you have an Emmaus Community in your church or area, look into it, pray about it, and attend! Before I attended it seemed like a secret society. There is so much they don't tell you ahead of time, but after attending you understand. It's not that it needs to be secret, but sometimes there are no words to describe your amazing experience.

A general overview is that on Thursday night, your sponsor brings you to the church where the Walk is being held. You visit for a while are told to give up your cell phones, pagers, and watches and then are taken to a conference room and have an ice breaker to learn everyone's names. We are not to discuss your job in the "real world" Afterwards, we go to the chapel, have a short service, and then communion. We are then instructed to observe a period of silence until the next mornings chapel. As you have no idea of the time, "Apron Ladies" instruct you as to where you are to go and when, and let you know when breaks are. We have no written agenda and must rely on others to tell you when it is time for bed, when to rise, when to eat, and when you'll have a moment for a bathroom break.

Once the silence is broken, you spend the next three days basking in the presence of God. You are assigned to a "table group" and these women become your sisters. My table was put together by God. There was a Table Leader (LK), Assistant Table Leader (LL), and then three other "pilgrims" ED, DJ, and SM. I'll not leave there names unless they give me permission at a later time. We all had very different issues going on in our lives, but had an instant kinship that cannot be explained. I feel like we will be family forever, and we are going to stay in touch and have a weekly "share group" to keep each other on the path and in our prayers. Every day had 5 "Talks" by different lay persons or clergy. The talks are designed to show you God's love and provide you tools to be a better disciple. After the talks were table discussion and then we were given an opportunity to summarize your discussion and the talk in an artistic form. (Posters, skits, poem, song, dance). Our group even modified the Macerana for one of the talks. It was a lot of fun. Mixed in with the talks are various other events including chapel, time for prayer, communion, meals, singing, and other fun stuff. Some of the most powerful moments were these other events, and in case any of you go on the walk, I don't want to ruin that beautiful experience for you.

Specifically for me, I felt more love than I ever have before. From God, my church family, my new sisters, my family and friends, and people I have never even met. One of the talks was on the "Sacrements" and healing was discussed. I was asked by the spiritual director and my group if I would be interested in an Annointing and Healing prayer with the group. I accepted and was prayed over by the whole community and annointed with oil. It was so amazing. I felt a physical warmth through my body and I have peace. I'm a little nervous about the side effects of my treatment starting Thursday, but I'm no longer afraid of reoccurence and dying. I will be taken care of.

I feel like I am closer to God than I have ever been and need to continue with a daily bible study to be sure I am doing his will. I also feel like I'm being called to help people, specifically women in need. I've felt this way for a while, but haven't know what to do about it. Now I know I have to do something and I feel like that something involves medical school. That's right, I think I need to be a doctor. That is so terrifying to say out loud, but if it is God's will he can make it happen. I'm not ready to say much more about that yet. In the immediate future, I need to continue to handle my cancer experience in a way that will show my faith and God's love through me. Maybe there's someone out there that will read this and be encouraged through me. That's a way to help too.

So to tie in your assignment. While I was away basking in God's love, I got a little love from you all. At the time of this writing, I had 21 comments. Here's a summary and my answers to your questions.

1. Name - Everyone provided
2. Websites - I will check these all out this week and find a place to link to you on my site
3. Where do you live? Alabama - 1, California - 2, Georgia - 2, Illinois - 1, Indiana - 4, Iowa - 2, Kansas - 1, Massachusetts - 1, Michigan - 1, New Jersey - 1, Ohio - 1, Texas - 3, New Zealand - 1
3 (didn't realize I had two #3's). How long have you been reading?
- More than 2 years (the beginning) - 7
- 1 to 2 years - 3
- 6 months to 1 year- 4
- 1 to 6 months - 1
- Less than 1 month - 2
4. How often do you check in? Most of you are daily or at least a couple of times per week.
5. Do you know me in real life? Yes - 8, No - 13
6. How did you find me? I gave you the address - 8, Someone else's blog - 5, Searching for pregnancy/baby blogs - 6, Other - 2
7. What do we have in common?(this is a generalization) Friends, memories, etc. - 6, Children - 10, Health Issues - 1, Age - 3, Miscarriage - 1, Faith - 2, Passion for Family - 3
8. Your questions:
- What exactly is your job? I work for an insurance brokerage. We work for client (larger corporations or public entities, or other organizations) to help them meet their risk managment needs. I do not work for an inurance company, I work for my clients to help them get the best insurance program to meet their needs. This includes price, coverage terms, and service. I also do the day-to-day stuff that goes along with that. I put together proposals and review policies and answer client questions about their coverage. I also have the internal reponsibility for Professional Standards, which means I am in charge of training and making sure all of our files are documented and put together in a way that meets our corporate compliance standards. Sorry if that was too boring.

- Outside of your family, what are you most passionate about? That's a hard one. Right now, I'm really on fire about showing God's love, but I think I need to do that through helping people. I want to reach out to women that have faced similar issues as me (miscarriages, pregnancy, childbirth, even birth defects, or cancer) and be a support for them.

- Do you have any phobias? If so, what are they? Not really. I'm not a fan of bugs or spiders or crickets, but nothing strong enough to be called a phobia.

- What has been your greatest accomplishment to this point? I'd have to say college. I graduated in four years with a double major (both business majors) and kept a 4.0 GPA. It felt very cool at the time.

- How are you feeling? Physically, I'm still very sore. I think I overused my right arm this weekend. Just taking notes, and opening doors and sitting at a chair at a table instead of lounging on the couch. Otherwise, my incisions are healing nicely and just itch a bit. I haven't started chemo yet, so no side effects. Emotionally, I'm really doing well. I'm nervous about knowing how the chemo will effect me, but I'm strong and I'll make it through. I'm really not faking it, I'm doing ok.

- How tough/easy is it for you to work outside of the home wiht such a young child? I took her to daycare at 8 weeks which was the perfect time for me. I was desparate for outside interaction and intellectual stimulation and she had barely learned to smile. I kept busy enough at work that it wasn't that hard. Truthfully, it's gotten more difficult for me as she's getting older. Her personality is so evident and she's fun now! She also goes to bed so early, that I miss her in the evenings and can't wait for the weekend. The key is that I love her daycare, and make sure to really focus on spending time with her in the evenings before she goes to bed. I also love the weekends.

- What would be your dream job? I would love to be an OB/GYN. I love the whole pregnancy/childbirth part of a woman's life. I would love to be able to deliver babies. I also have seen the bad parts. I know what it's like to have a miscarriage and I've seen the pain of infertility (through my friends). I'd love to be able to help people.

- What is your dream vacation? I loved Hawaii and can't wait to go back, but if money was no object, I'd love to take a European tour. I'd love to see Rome and Paris and London and maybe even take a detour to see Jerusalem.

- What are you doing to celebrate Grace's first birthday? Any ideas? I'm really not sure yet. I'd love to have family over, but so close to Christmas we may have to combine birthday/Christmas which I did not want to do. I've got this on my to-do list over the next week to come up with a theme and game plan.

- When do you feel closest to God? When I go into Grace's room every night before bed and watch her sleep. I am so blessed and like to think about how he feels the same love when he looks down on us as his children.

- How on earth did you get Grace to sleep through the night? Well it did involve some crying. Read Dr. Ferber's book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." We took away her pacifier (she would wake up when it fell out at night) and gave her a lovey instead. We created a bedtime routine that didn't involve falling to sleep with a bottle or rocking. She has dinner and a bottle at 6:30 p.m., plays until about 7:15 p.m., then she has a bath, brushes her teeth, puts on her pj's, we read 1 or 2 stories, and I put her in her crib. The Ferber method works in less than a week. Day 1 you put the baby down awake and come to them when they cry after 5 minutes. You just pat them and let them know you are there and then leave while they are still awake (no picking the baby up!). You come back the second time after 10, then 15 minutes, then every 15 minutes until they are asleep. Then when they wake up in the night, you do the same thing come after 5, 10, then every 15 until they fall asleep. (I'd start on a Friday night). Day 2 the times change to 10, 15, and 20 minutes. Day 3 15, 20, 25. It took Grace about 45 minutes to an hour to fall asleep the first couple of nights. Less time at night to go back to sleep. The third day she didn't wake up overnight. By the end of the first week, it was only taking 15 to 20 minutes to fall asleep at the beginning. After about 2 weeks, she stopped crying when we put her to bed. Now she lays right down, grabs her lovey, rolls over and sleeps 11 hours on weeknights, and 12 or 13 on weekends. When she wakes up crying, I know it's something important. It's a rough couple of days, but so worth it. Good luck!

- Has there ever been anything that you feel that you have failed at? Sometimes I feel like I fail at work. I hate the feeling of helplessness when you screw up. There have also been choices I've made in my past that I wish I would have chosen differently. However, I think everything you do makes you who you are, so I don't know if I would reverse them now. Overall, I like who I am and think I'm succeeding at the important things. Being a good wife, mother, daughter, and friend.

- How did you come to live in Dayton, if your family and friends live elsewhere? Well, first of all, I live in Columbus, not Dayton, but we moved here, because I was offered my job when we graduated college. We are (and Eric's family is still) from Indiana. My parents moved to Iowa for my Dad's job after we moved here.

- Have you guys considered moving home since you left, for whatever reason? Not really. My parents aren't in Indiana anymore and we wouldn't live in either of our original hometowns. If we moved to Indiana, it would probably be in Indianapolis. To transfer in my current job to our Indianapolis office would be a lateral move and I would have to rebuild my client base. Unless we changed jobs (or I decided to go to medical school at IU...) I can't see us moving back. This is home now and we have friends and a home and a great church that I'd hate to leave without good reason.

In summary, thank you all for your comments and keep reading! I still have my big post that I'll probably do tomorrow or Wednesday and I'll update you about my first chemo treatment whenever I feel up to it.