Walk to Emmaus and Response to Your Assignment

Last night I got home from my Walk to Emmaus. I was going to post a link to the website, but as it includes names and home churches of everyone on the Walk, I'll leave it off of this site.

The only thing I can say about the Walk is that it was incredible. If you have an Emmaus Community in your church or area, look into it, pray about it, and attend! Before I attended it seemed like a secret society. There is so much they don't tell you ahead of time, but after attending you understand. It's not that it needs to be secret, but sometimes there are no words to describe your amazing experience.

A general overview is that on Thursday night, your sponsor brings you to the church where the Walk is being held. You visit for a while are told to give up your cell phones, pagers, and watches and then are taken to a conference room and have an ice breaker to learn everyone's names. We are not to discuss your job in the "real world" Afterwards, we go to the chapel, have a short service, and then communion. We are then instructed to observe a period of silence until the next mornings chapel. As you have no idea of the time, "Apron Ladies" instruct you as to where you are to go and when, and let you know when breaks are. We have no written agenda and must rely on others to tell you when it is time for bed, when to rise, when to eat, and when you'll have a moment for a bathroom break.

Once the silence is broken, you spend the next three days basking in the presence of God. You are assigned to a "table group" and these women become your sisters. My table was put together by God. There was a Table Leader (LK), Assistant Table Leader (LL), and then three other "pilgrims" ED, DJ, and SM. I'll not leave there names unless they give me permission at a later time. We all had very different issues going on in our lives, but had an instant kinship that cannot be explained. I feel like we will be family forever, and we are going to stay in touch and have a weekly "share group" to keep each other on the path and in our prayers. Every day had 5 "Talks" by different lay persons or clergy. The talks are designed to show you God's love and provide you tools to be a better disciple. After the talks were table discussion and then we were given an opportunity to summarize your discussion and the talk in an artistic form. (Posters, skits, poem, song, dance). Our group even modified the Macerana for one of the talks. It was a lot of fun. Mixed in with the talks are various other events including chapel, time for prayer, communion, meals, singing, and other fun stuff. Some of the most powerful moments were these other events, and in case any of you go on the walk, I don't want to ruin that beautiful experience for you.

Specifically for me, I felt more love than I ever have before. From God, my church family, my new sisters, my family and friends, and people I have never even met. One of the talks was on the "Sacrements" and healing was discussed. I was asked by the spiritual director and my group if I would be interested in an Annointing and Healing prayer with the group. I accepted and was prayed over by the whole community and annointed with oil. It was so amazing. I felt a physical warmth through my body and I have peace. I'm a little nervous about the side effects of my treatment starting Thursday, but I'm no longer afraid of reoccurence and dying. I will be taken care of.

I feel like I am closer to God than I have ever been and need to continue with a daily bible study to be sure I am doing his will. I also feel like I'm being called to help people, specifically women in need. I've felt this way for a while, but haven't know what to do about it. Now I know I have to do something and I feel like that something involves medical school. That's right, I think I need to be a doctor. That is so terrifying to say out loud, but if it is God's will he can make it happen. I'm not ready to say much more about that yet. In the immediate future, I need to continue to handle my cancer experience in a way that will show my faith and God's love through me. Maybe there's someone out there that will read this and be encouraged through me. That's a way to help too.

So to tie in your assignment. While I was away basking in God's love, I got a little love from you all. At the time of this writing, I had 21 comments. Here's a summary and my answers to your questions.

1. Name - Everyone provided
2. Websites - I will check these all out this week and find a place to link to you on my site
3. Where do you live? Alabama - 1, California - 2, Georgia - 2, Illinois - 1, Indiana - 4, Iowa - 2, Kansas - 1, Massachusetts - 1, Michigan - 1, New Jersey - 1, Ohio - 1, Texas - 3, New Zealand - 1
3 (didn't realize I had two #3's). How long have you been reading?
- More than 2 years (the beginning) - 7
- 1 to 2 years - 3
- 6 months to 1 year- 4
- 1 to 6 months - 1
- Less than 1 month - 2
4. How often do you check in? Most of you are daily or at least a couple of times per week.
5. Do you know me in real life? Yes - 8, No - 13
6. How did you find me? I gave you the address - 8, Someone else's blog - 5, Searching for pregnancy/baby blogs - 6, Other - 2
7. What do we have in common?(this is a generalization) Friends, memories, etc. - 6, Children - 10, Health Issues - 1, Age - 3, Miscarriage - 1, Faith - 2, Passion for Family - 3
8. Your questions:
- What exactly is your job? I work for an insurance brokerage. We work for client (larger corporations or public entities, or other organizations) to help them meet their risk managment needs. I do not work for an inurance company, I work for my clients to help them get the best insurance program to meet their needs. This includes price, coverage terms, and service. I also do the day-to-day stuff that goes along with that. I put together proposals and review policies and answer client questions about their coverage. I also have the internal reponsibility for Professional Standards, which means I am in charge of training and making sure all of our files are documented and put together in a way that meets our corporate compliance standards. Sorry if that was too boring.

- Outside of your family, what are you most passionate about? That's a hard one. Right now, I'm really on fire about showing God's love, but I think I need to do that through helping people. I want to reach out to women that have faced similar issues as me (miscarriages, pregnancy, childbirth, even birth defects, or cancer) and be a support for them.

- Do you have any phobias? If so, what are they? Not really. I'm not a fan of bugs or spiders or crickets, but nothing strong enough to be called a phobia.

- What has been your greatest accomplishment to this point? I'd have to say college. I graduated in four years with a double major (both business majors) and kept a 4.0 GPA. It felt very cool at the time.

- How are you feeling? Physically, I'm still very sore. I think I overused my right arm this weekend. Just taking notes, and opening doors and sitting at a chair at a table instead of lounging on the couch. Otherwise, my incisions are healing nicely and just itch a bit. I haven't started chemo yet, so no side effects. Emotionally, I'm really doing well. I'm nervous about knowing how the chemo will effect me, but I'm strong and I'll make it through. I'm really not faking it, I'm doing ok.

- How tough/easy is it for you to work outside of the home wiht such a young child? I took her to daycare at 8 weeks which was the perfect time for me. I was desparate for outside interaction and intellectual stimulation and she had barely learned to smile. I kept busy enough at work that it wasn't that hard. Truthfully, it's gotten more difficult for me as she's getting older. Her personality is so evident and she's fun now! She also goes to bed so early, that I miss her in the evenings and can't wait for the weekend. The key is that I love her daycare, and make sure to really focus on spending time with her in the evenings before she goes to bed. I also love the weekends.

- What would be your dream job? I would love to be an OB/GYN. I love the whole pregnancy/childbirth part of a woman's life. I would love to be able to deliver babies. I also have seen the bad parts. I know what it's like to have a miscarriage and I've seen the pain of infertility (through my friends). I'd love to be able to help people.

- What is your dream vacation? I loved Hawaii and can't wait to go back, but if money was no object, I'd love to take a European tour. I'd love to see Rome and Paris and London and maybe even take a detour to see Jerusalem.

- What are you doing to celebrate Grace's first birthday? Any ideas? I'm really not sure yet. I'd love to have family over, but so close to Christmas we may have to combine birthday/Christmas which I did not want to do. I've got this on my to-do list over the next week to come up with a theme and game plan.

- When do you feel closest to God? When I go into Grace's room every night before bed and watch her sleep. I am so blessed and like to think about how he feels the same love when he looks down on us as his children.

- How on earth did you get Grace to sleep through the night? Well it did involve some crying. Read Dr. Ferber's book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." We took away her pacifier (she would wake up when it fell out at night) and gave her a lovey instead. We created a bedtime routine that didn't involve falling to sleep with a bottle or rocking. She has dinner and a bottle at 6:30 p.m., plays until about 7:15 p.m., then she has a bath, brushes her teeth, puts on her pj's, we read 1 or 2 stories, and I put her in her crib. The Ferber method works in less than a week. Day 1 you put the baby down awake and come to them when they cry after 5 minutes. You just pat them and let them know you are there and then leave while they are still awake (no picking the baby up!). You come back the second time after 10, then 15 minutes, then every 15 minutes until they are asleep. Then when they wake up in the night, you do the same thing come after 5, 10, then every 15 until they fall asleep. (I'd start on a Friday night). Day 2 the times change to 10, 15, and 20 minutes. Day 3 15, 20, 25. It took Grace about 45 minutes to an hour to fall asleep the first couple of nights. Less time at night to go back to sleep. The third day she didn't wake up overnight. By the end of the first week, it was only taking 15 to 20 minutes to fall asleep at the beginning. After about 2 weeks, she stopped crying when we put her to bed. Now she lays right down, grabs her lovey, rolls over and sleeps 11 hours on weeknights, and 12 or 13 on weekends. When she wakes up crying, I know it's something important. It's a rough couple of days, but so worth it. Good luck!

- Has there ever been anything that you feel that you have failed at? Sometimes I feel like I fail at work. I hate the feeling of helplessness when you screw up. There have also been choices I've made in my past that I wish I would have chosen differently. However, I think everything you do makes you who you are, so I don't know if I would reverse them now. Overall, I like who I am and think I'm succeeding at the important things. Being a good wife, mother, daughter, and friend.

- How did you come to live in Dayton, if your family and friends live elsewhere? Well, first of all, I live in Columbus, not Dayton, but we moved here, because I was offered my job when we graduated college. We are (and Eric's family is still) from Indiana. My parents moved to Iowa for my Dad's job after we moved here.

- Have you guys considered moving home since you left, for whatever reason? Not really. My parents aren't in Indiana anymore and we wouldn't live in either of our original hometowns. If we moved to Indiana, it would probably be in Indianapolis. To transfer in my current job to our Indianapolis office would be a lateral move and I would have to rebuild my client base. Unless we changed jobs (or I decided to go to medical school at IU...) I can't see us moving back. This is home now and we have friends and a home and a great church that I'd hate to leave without good reason.

In summary, thank you all for your comments and keep reading! I still have my big post that I'll probably do tomorrow or Wednesday and I'll update you about my first chemo treatment whenever I feel up to it.