Jonathan's Here!

I got to go see the baby at lunch today. He was so cute. I took pictures, but since he's not my baby, I probably shouldn't post them. Jonathan Dillon was born last night at 9:42 p.m. weighing in at 8lbs. 7 oz. and 22 inches long. Everyone is doing great and they are sooo happy. Congrats Tammy!

Tammy's Having Her Baby!

Unfortunately we haven't gotten much of an update here at the office, but we do know that Tammy's in labor. Yesterday at the doctor they stripped her membranes (sounds like fun). This morning she woke up and was leaking amniotic fluid. She called her doctor and went to the office. When he went to do the internal exam, her water broke. Then she called on her way to the hospital and wasn't having contractions yet. I was considering going to the hospital tonight to see her, but probably won't if we don't hear that the baby is born before 5:00 p.m. I will go tomorrow though, either during lunch or after work. I'm so excited! I'll provide the details tomorrow.

Wednesday Already?!

I can't believe how time flies. I have the intention of updating frequently, but I've been pretty busy. Work is keeping me extremely busy, but it's good. The only downside is that I don't have as much time to do miscellaneous personal things at work, but I suppose that isn't the point of going to work anyway.

I've been planning away for our next GWO, which I get to host. I've already added about 1/2 a day to the festivities by asking the girls to come in the night before. I've got meals planned and some shopping ideas. Now I just have to put together the info pack to send out.

To the baby topic. My friend Tammy at work found out today that she's being induced on Monday if she doesn't go on her own before that. I'm still hoping she has a Halloween baby, but we'll see. She's officially at 38 weeks, but is measuring at 40 weeks, so it could be anytime. I made plans to go with another coworker to see her Monday night after work. I'm so excited for her. My other friend Kim went to have her first ultrasound at a high-risk specialist today. I'm waiting for her call to see how it went. She's at 14 weeks and says she's feeling flutters. Sigh...I hope I'm pregnant again before she delivers in April. It's a little hard sometimes to see her when I know she's only a week off of where I was supposed to be.

On that note, I'm hoping we can start trying again soon. I'm pretty sure I've been having some PMS symptoms this week. Either that or everyone around me has suddenly become a whole lot more annoying. This morning I asked Eric if he thought I'd been moody this week, and he answered "Yes" without hesitation. Then I snapped, "You could have thought about it!" I guess that answers my question. I'm not sure about other symptoms. I suppose anytime is fine with me.

One good note, I've been good for going on 3 days now with diet and exercise. I just wish I cared a little more. I think I have a one track mind. If I wasn't into the baby thing right now, I could go full force at the diet thing, but now I just know I want to have a baby and forget about the diet. I know it's better for me to lose some now though. I'd like the pre-pregnancy weight to be as low as possible.

That's all for now. Hopefully something interesting will happen soon and I can write about that.

Good Visit

Finally, a decent doctor's appointment. I had my follow-up appointment today after 3 weeks. When the doctor came in to see me, she asked how I was and I got a little teary and said fine, until I got here. She must think I'm a nut since I break into tears every time I see her. She asked if I had any questions and I did. Number 1, I have a friend that is sure that my miscarriage had something to do with getting pregnant quickly after quitting the pill. Everything I've read suggests that the only reason some doctors have you wait a couple of months is to get your cycles on track so you know when you conceived and what your due date is. She agreed that there is no reason to wait. There is no evidence that the pill increases your chance of miscarriage. The only thing that increases after the pill is the incidence of twins (watch out Erica!). So then I asked her about trying again. She said I just had to wait 1 period, but I asked what the advantages of waiting longer would be. I don't want to rush into something just because I want it if it would be better to wait longer. Her answer, the only reason to wait longer is if you aren't ready mentally or emotionally. Physically, there is no reason to wait. When my body's ready I can get pregnant again. She then checked to make sure my uterus has went back to it's prepregnancy size. She said that all the pathology came back normal from my D&C. I asked what they looked for in the pathology. She said that you sometimes can have a Molar Pregnancy. If that were the case, I couldn't get pregnant for 6 months to a year, but that wasn't the case with me and everything was fine. Finishing up the visit, she told me that I should get a period within a 4-6 week time period (it's already been 3!) and then can try again. If nothing happens I'll go back in April for my annual, but hopefully I'll be in before that for another pregnancy.

I think this is all good news, because although, I've lost my baby. Nothing I did caused it, I can try again soon, and nothing major was wrong with the fetal tissue. It was just a fluke of nature and I probably won't have any more problems! Yay! Now if my period would just start next week....

I just read my friend's blogs and feel I'm a little behind on posting. I just love getting the updates. Hopefully, I have some readers too that don't think I'm just rambling. Been a pretty good week. Yesterday I spent all day at my employers both at the OSU Career Fair. It was pretty cool, but a little overwhelming to know that with a check mark in the wrong box, a kid I talked to would never even get his resume looked at. Wow! I can't believe I managed to land such a great job.

Just read Erica's blog and she's in the "trying" week. I have a feeling this is her month. I wish it were mine too. I also have a feeling that I'll only have to try once this time. Speaking of feelings, I kind of think I'll only have to wait another week or two for AF (Aunt Flow, for future reference). Don't know what it is. I just love every idea about being pregnant and can't wait to do it again. Of course I'm a little scared that next time I'll be hit with unbearable morning sickness, but...it'll be worth it if all goes well.

Today I had to give back some of the maternity clothes I borrowed. The coworker that lent them to me has another friend that needs some now, but she's due in February, so I could still get them back before I need them. Assuming I get pregnant sometime in November, I probably won't need clothes until about March, so that's ok. It wasn't even that weird to pack them up and give them back.

Ok enough for now. Tommorrow I have my follow up doctor's appointment, so I'll write more then.

Another Week

Had a really great weekend. It was our 2nd official GWO (Girl's Weekend Out). We spent most of it shopping, of course, but the best part was just visiting. It really lifts my spirits to be with my girls. One cool thing that happened was that we stopped by this booth at the Covered Bridge Festival and bought these necklaces that show the phase of the moon on the day you were born. The sales person, Ava Chu, was really cool. She wasn't selling psychic services, but she seemed to have a little bit of an intuition. All we told her was that three of us were married and didn't have any kids. She looked right at me and said, "You are having a girl." Then she told Erica that she was having a boy, and told Danialle she was going to wait a while. Then she told Heather that she would find someone soon. That she would be in a serious relationship between Christmas and Valentine's Day. It was kind of cool. Who knows, but Erica and I want kids soon, Danialle is waiting, and Heather isn't dating anyone seriously right now.

I really did restart my diet yesterday. One day of no cheating, drinking my 5 bottles of water, and I went to the gym for the first time since Labor Day. I just did 20 minutes of cardio on the treadmill, but I ran 1.6 miles, so that's not too shabby. Today, I plan on doing upper body. I probably won't be able to lift my arms tomorrow.

Another good thing. The other woman in my office that got pregnant about the same time I did finally had her first doctor's appointment yesterday. All good news. They heard the heartbeat immediately and estimate her at about 13 weeks, which is where she thought she was. So far, so good. She was really nervous because she's had problems in previous pregnancies, but this one's doing good.

The baby making for me hasn't changed much. I am ready whenever, but have to wait for my body to catch up. Eric has come around and agreed that we can try again after I have a period. So just waiting on that. I'm hoping it happens sometime next week. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday (3weeks), so I don't want it to happen before then, since I may have to get an internal exam. And Eric and I are going away for the weekend on November 7, so I don't want it to happen then. I hope it's come and gone before my weekend getaway, but we'll see.

Did I say I was starting a diet? That went really well up until about 5:00 pl.m. on Monday night. I've been busy at work and I missed one of my snacks, so I was starving and wanted chocolate. I also had a headache, so I went to Kroger to pick up my perscription and also picked up a Kit Kat and a frozen pizza for dinner. Anyway, we ate pizza for dinner, so there wasn't a healthy lunch prepared for Tuesday...

I think it's hard to be motivated when I hope to get pregnant again pretty quickly. I can't do the 12-week program, because if all goes as planned I'll be pregnant by then and then won't be meeting those goals. Another lack of motivation this week is my Girl's Weekend starting tomorrow.

It will be a weekend full of fun, laughter, tears, and of course bad food. Maybe next Monday...

Girl's weekend should be promising. I think I need this time with good friends. On a positive note, now that I'm not pregnant and my other friend that is "trying" didn't succeed this month, we can enjoy the hot tub this weekend. There's always an upside. Don't get me wrong, I would trade the weekend in the hot tub for my baby in a heartbeat, but...we take what we can get.

Overall, it's been a good week. I've only had to cry once, last night. I was telling Eric about my pregnant friend Tammy's great doctor's visit and ultrasound and started crying. It just made me sad because I really wanted the good doctor's visit and ultrasound. That bugs me sometimes, I never even had one "good" visit to the doctor. Next time. On the other hand, my sadness had nothing to do with my feelings about her pregnancy, it was just a reminder of mine. She's doing so great and I'm so happy for her and excited about the baby. The baby could be here in as little as 2 weeks!

That's it for now, I'll check in after the GWO (Girl's Weekend Out).

New Beginnings

I'm calling that the title because this is a new week. It's Monday and today I'm restarting the diet. My goal, lose 10 pounds by Thanksgiving. That will get me back to my ending BFL weight. It's a little disgusting to me that I've gained that much, but at least I know how to lose it. I've got 6 1/2 weeks to do it. I know I'll be having more than 1 cheat day this week because I've got my Girl's Weekend Out (GWO) this weekend, but overall I think I can do it. So far I'm on track, I had my protein shake and apple for breakfast, packed my days worth of authorized food and even packed my gym bag for after work. That will be tough, I haven't been to the gym since August 28. (Maybe that's why I gained 10 pounds?)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking good by the holidays again, although looking good isn't as obvious in the winter, when we're in sweaters and stuff than the summer when you get to wear cute tank tops that show off the toned arms and shoulders, but at least I'll feel good. Maybe by Thanksgiving we'll be trying again, or I could possibly be in the very early stages of pregnancy.

I finally (cross your fingers) have stopped bleeding, nothing since early Saturday morning. I'm starting to feel human again. I'm guessing I could get a real period in as little as 3 weeks, but I don't really think I'm a hurry, I've had enough bleeding over the last 2 weeks to last a while. Eric is also interested in waiting maybe two months to try. We'll discuss it after the first month. He wants me to be on track, just to be safe. The doctor said one month was all I needed though, so we'll have to discuss some more. Maybe we'll try in a month if it looks like I'm close to the Thanksgiving goal, but if not, I'll give myself another month to get there. Either way, it'll be ok. Well, I'm officially supposed to be at work now, so I guess I should get to work. Later.

Back to the Grind

I've been back to work for almost a full week now. It's been going pretty good. On Monday, I had several people approach me in the perfect way. They just stopped by and said that they heard what happened and were sorry. That's perfect, don't stop to chat, don't ask for all the details, don't make us remarks to make me "feel better", don't tell me stories about your friend that had 3 miscarriages and then got pregnant again. Just say your sorry. That's perfect. I only want to "discuss" with people I am close too.

Physically this recovery has been tougher than I expected. I had hardly any bleeding on Saturday and Sunday and then started bleeding more on Monday and Tuesday. It got worse and I was passing clots by Wednesday. The nurse said it's normal and only to get concerned if I start soaking a pad an hour, passing clots the size of lemons, or run a fever. None of those things are happening, so I guess I'm o.k. Yesterday I had to take Percocet as soon as I got home from work because my cramps were so bad, but today I'm barely bleeding. Interesting.

On another note, I'm restarting my diet on Monday. We've been eating the rest of the "bad" food in the house and plan to get back to the gym and our previous eating habits next week. I didn't mind gaining weight when I was going to have a baby, but now I'd like to lose 5 or 10 pounds before I get pregnant again.

Eric and I have scheduled a trip for the weekend of November 7-9 at

Ravenwood Castle

It should be so cool. We are staying in the Woodcutter Cottage. I'm looking forward to the get away. I'm hoping we can just relax and enjoy ourselves.

My D&C

I'm finally adding the story of my D&C on Friday. Here goes.

I stayed up really late (like 1:30 a.m.) Thursday night so I could get as much snacking and water drinking as possible in since I wasn't allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight for my surgery. I also thought the later I stayed up, the later I would sleep. Again, less hours to be hungry and thirsty. Friday morning I slept in until about 11:00 a.m. My appointment was scheduled for 4:15 p.m., but they told me to be at the hospital at 2:15 p.m. So after getting up and showering I settled in to play some games on the computer. Honestly, I didn't even really think about what was going on until we got in the car and were on our way. Eric took the afternoon off, so he came home a little after noon. Came home with take out from McDonald's I might add, wasn't really helpful for my no food rule. We left the house at about 1:50 p.m.

I cried a little in the car, but Eric held my hand and it was o.k. When we went in to register I was again a little weepy. It may sound stupid, but one of my major concerns about the surgery was that when I went in, people at the hospital would think I "wanted" the procedure, i.e. that I was having an abortion. Later, my Mom and another friend confirmed that they don't even do elective abortions at hospitals, so no one would asume that anyway. Anyway, when they gave me the paperwork to register, I noticed that the diagnosis listed on my chart was a D&C for a Missed Abortion. Abortion is just the word the doctor's use for a miscarriage. Usually it's called a Spontaneous Abortion. A "Missed" Abortion is when the embryo or fetus dies, but is not expelled from the body for at least 2 weeks. That pretty much describes it for me. Anyway the diagnosis was on my chart, so while seeing it in print made me cry, I did feel better. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before they came to get me to go up to the pre-op area.

Eric was allowed to go with me. They put me in a room and gave me a bag for my belongings and a robe to wear. I was to take everything off and put the robe on. I was a little concerned because I'd been having some light bleeding and didn't really want to be "completely" naked. They gave me some hospital panties (kind of like gauze with 3 holes in it and a huge hospital size maxi pad. So I got into the hospital gear and onto the bed and waited for my nurse. She was very cheerful, but a little weird. She was quite chatty and was the one to put in my IV. She knew what was going on though, because at one point she mentioned that she wished I didn't have to be there. On an upside, I forgot to take off my wedding ring, so they let me keep it on and just wrapped it with surgical tape. Eric and I watched some trashy people find lost loves on the Montel Williams show and waited. At one point my doctor popped in to see me. I really like her. She is all business and to the point, but at the same time makes me think that she cares about me. She asked how we were doing and if we were ready to get this over with and start to move on. Of course, while crying we said yes. She said she had one other case before me, but thought she'd probably get me in a little early. My anesthesiolgist. (I need to check the spelling on that), stopped by to explain how they would put me out. I got a little concerned, because he said they weren't doing general anesthesia. Instead they did something called "Twighlight" something. I was still completely unaware of what was going on, but I wasn't as deeply under, so I woke up easier and didn't need a breathing tube down my throat.

So finally they came to take me to surgery. That's when Eric had to go down to the waiting room. Right before I went into the room, a nurse came out and asked me what Dr. DeAngelo was doing for me. That was the only time I had to say why I was there. Of course, that made me cry again. So I went in and they had me switch from the bed to the table. While I was moving over, people started untying my gown and getting everything situated. I started to mention the little panty things, but they just said that's fine and put the arm rests on the table. There were probably about 5 people in the room and there was some music playing. I reconized my doctor and a nurse that had came to see me earlier. Once I was kind of situated they knocked me out. I didn't even have to count backwards. I didn't have to put my legs up or help them get the panty things off or anything.

When I woke up I was really emotional and crying. I was in the post-op recovery area. I remember trying to talk to the nurse that was with me and told her how much I wanted my baby. I don't remember what she said, but I'm sure it was comforting. Then I had a different younger nurse and I talked to her a little. She told me that she was pregnant and due in May and I remember how sad I thought it would be working there and seeing people like me so often. I woke up pretty quickly. The nurse checked to see how much I was bleeding and then sent me over to the discharge area.

The nurses brought me my clothes and let me get dressed while they went to get Eric. I managed to get dressed and then Eric showed up. They sat us down and went over the discharge instructions. I got 2 prescriptions, one for Percocet for pain and 1 for bleeding to take for 2 days. I was allowed to go back to normal activities after 24 hours, except a limitation of no baths for 7 days. Eric went to get the car and the nurse got me a Coke and some graham crackers and wheeled me in the wheelchair down to the car. We went to the store to get my prescriptions filled and get some junk food and then went home.

I recovered pretty quickly over the weekend although I've been having more bleeding and cramping over the past day or so. I called and the nurse said that's pretty normal, but to keep an eye on it.

Pictures Added

Also, I've finally put some pictures on my photo page. I've added the pictures of all of the flowers we have been sent by people thinking of us in our time of loss.

New Title

I changed the title of my Blog today. I've decided to keep using it even though all of this happened. Hopefully, I'll have much more to share and any of my experiences can help others.

I've taken the whole week off of work. I went into the office Tuesday, but left after about an hour. Turns out it was harder than I thought it would be and my coworkers and even my superiors think I should take some more time and come back when I'm ready.

Tommorrow is my D&C. I think I'm ready. I've been having some bleeding over the past few days, but not enough to make me think I'm close to be done if I were to do this the natural way.

I think I'm healing slowly. I even had a short lived flash of anger yesterday. My brother-in-law called for the first time and Eric talked to him. Eric was saying that we're doing better and looking to the future, etc. And within minutes they were discussing baseball. I was thinking it's not "fine" we aren't "doing good." Then I realized that I hadn't wanted to talk and it's different for Eric. We are doing ok, and nothing he could say to us would change anything, so I should let him deal with it in his way. While Eric's sad too, it will never be the same type of loss for him.

I'll write more about my procedure and how I'm feeling this weekend.