The Devil is in the Details

Literally. I've spent a lot of time thinking about details this week and I think it has not necessarily been a good thing. When I started the process of going back to school in 2006, I was initally completely freaked out and terrified. Then after significant prayer and reflection, I decided to take it one step at a time and trust that if God called me to go back to school, that he would provide the means to do so. Since then, I've plodded along step by step. Now I feel like the pace is picking up and I am nearing the finish line of the preparation stage of this process.

I could be really freaked out right now. I am still working full time and going to school. I have two young children. The economy is horrible. My husband has been unemployed for 6 months. But, I haven't been stressed. I still believe that the right job opportunity will come along and until then with the combination of unemployment, the part-time funds, and saving child-care expenses for Grace, we are in the same financial situation we were before Eric lost his job. We still have about 6 weeks of the initial unemployment and then are eligible for an additional 26 week extension, so we are ok financially for a while.

Regarding what will happen when I get to go to school full time, I honestly haven't focused on the financial part of it. I have been just having faith that God will provide. Last week, however, Eric made me focus on it just a little bit more. We started discussing the possibility of having more children and he shared with me his anxiety of how we are going to afford for me to go to school with only one income (regardless of how many children we have at the time). Considering I'll be going full time, we'll still need at least part-time childcare and unless Eric's new salary is significantly (at least 50%) higher than what my salary is now, we won't have enough money to pay our bills, not to mention pay for childcare or any extras. That is one detail I haven't been concentrating on. I guess I just assume that somehow we'll figure out how to pay the bills and I'll get scholarships or loans to cover the actual school costs. Add to the financial strain, my desire to have a third child at some point, and now, I'm starting to freak out a little. The timing of the next baby is hard for me. I don't really want 5 years between Luke and the next one, but I also don't want to put off full-time school until 2011. The only other option would be to get things started in the next 6 months or so, but that is so questionable because of the employment situation and if we'd be able to afford 3 kids after I quit my job.

I have alot of unresolved issues that are keeping me unsettled. So, I'm trying to get back to that place where I put one foot in front of another and trust that I'm not walking off the edge of a cliff.

I'd like to share with you the prayer I've been praying and will be praying all week.

"I pray for faith. Give me faith that you will find a way to provide the desires of my heart. If the desires of my heart do not align with your will for my life, I pray that you will change the desires of my heart to fit your will and give me peace. I pray for faith that you will supply all our needs and give me the wisdom to see the doors you open before me and take what you are giving me. I pray for faith to trust that your will is perfect and you will bless me and my family."

If any of you out there are also the praying type, I wouldn't mind a little extra prayer for the following:
- Eric's permanent employment options
- Continued success in classes and other preparations in order to apply to school this fall
- A clear path to be revealed regarding the future of our family planning

Well about that success, I should get back to studying as I have Lab Practical #2 this Saturday and want to keep that 95% grade in tact. (Have I mentioned that I love my Anatomy class!)
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Twinkle, Twinkle

Twinkle, Twinkle
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma

Didn't post yesterday, so this will be it for this week. I have more videos to try to upload, but this was a "practice" video with my new super cute digital video camera. It's the size of a regular digital camera and uses a memory card instead of tape or DVD. I think the picture and sound aren't bad either. So here's my cutie pie!

I'll try to be a bit more interesting next week.

Second Tooth

Just a quick update because Luke's baby book only has a spot to record his first tooth, rather than an update when each of them came in. Tonight I noticed his second tooth has broken through the skin. It is the bottom front right (his right) tooth.

It's almost exactly the same as Graces. Her first tooth was at 8 months exactly with #2 following 15 days later. We noticed Luke's first tooth on Jan 1 or 2 (5 or 6 days before he turned 8 months) and #2 is 12 to 13 days later.

Fun! Speaking of fun, better get to studying! I'm kind of hoping for a snow day tomorrow where I can catch up on TV and do some things around the house. Thursday's are my day off of studying.

School Plans

So, it's Monday and I'm updating as promised. Will have to be quick as I'm about to start studying. On Saturday I started my first class since last January-March. I'm taking Anatomy and it promises to be very memorization oriented class and supposedly requires 18 hours of studying per week outside of class (yeah, right). I already have a written exam and lab practical (exam) this Saturday.

I'm sure I didn't explain here, but after Eric lost his job and I postponed returning to school this fall, I started re-thinking my med school plans. My pre-req schedule was tight, so by skipping the fall quarter, it would have delayed my school plans by another year, so the earliest I could start med-school would have been fall of 2011. Add 4 years of school and 3 years of residency, I would finally get to practice in 2018 or 10 years from now. We've been blessed to not be hurting too bad financially considering Eric's situation (after 2 months of fighting, he was awarded unemployment, plus he works retail overnights 3 days a week). But the 2 months on one salary gave me a hint of how tough it will be to live "poor" while I'm in school. Add to the fact that I'll be in school during the prime years of my kids life (Grace would be almost 14 by the time I finished residency and Luke would be 10) and the fact that I am pretty sure our family isn't yet complete (yes, I think I want another one), I started thinking that med-school would be quite a sacrifice.

So, short story, after some research and praying, I think I found a compromise. I'm going to apply (and hopefully attend) a Masters in Nursing program at Ohio State. They have a Graduate Entry program for people with undergrad degrees in non-nursing majors and after a 3 year full time program, you graduate as a Nurse Practioner. However, after 2 years you are eligible to become an RN and can work part-time during your 3rd year of school. When you enter the program, you pick a specialty and I am going to choose Nurse Midwifery. So, I'll still get to deliver babies and provide pre-natal care, just not the high-risk stuff or c-sections. The program has 5 required pre-requisites (of course none of which I've taken yet). Four of the pre-reqs are offered at the Community College I've been attending. The fifth class is offered during the summers at Ohio State. So, the plan is for me to start the 4 pre-reqs now (Winter 09, Spring 09, Summer 09, and Fall 09). Sometime this spring I'll take the GRE exam and work on the other application requirements. I'll have to apply by December 1, 2009 and will be notified by March 2010 if I'm accepted into the fall 2010 class. If yes, I'll be quitting my job in the summer of 2010 (unless my work surprises me by being flexible) and I'll take the final pre-requisite class before starting full time in the fall of 2010. By 2013, I'll be a practicing Midwife.

This is so exciting to me, that in just under 5 years I could be in a brand new career that I will love and really be helping women and delivering babies! Well, first I have to pass Anatomy (who am I kidding I want an A!), so I better quit for tonight and start studying. Later!

Luke 8 Months

Luke Crawling
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma

Today Luke is 8 months old. It's been a busy month for him! Of course our biggest milestone is crawling. He really just army crawls (see video evidence), but today he really seemed to be trying to get the hands and knee thing down. He can really get to anything he wants and is very happy about it. He's also grabbing onto things and trying to pull himself up. Not really successful yet, but I think that will come soon.

Other big milestone was his first tooth has broke the skin. Still not completely in yet, but you can see it if he'll let you get his mouth open and tounge out of the way.

We also are officially done breastfeeding. I hadn't nursed at all since before Christmas, but once last week, Luke had a rough patch overnight and I went to his room and held him in the rocker. I decided to offer the breast and he latched on for a few seconds then stopped and looked at me and gave me a big smile. Then he tried again for a few more seconds and then stopped and decided to suck his thumb instead. So, I guess that's the end. Amazingly, I haven't been uncomfortable at all. I think I dropped feedings/pumping slowly enough and supplemented even when my supply was dropping, so I never got engorged. A little sad, but hopefully someday there will be another baby and we'll get to do it again.

Another skill I've noticed is that he is picking up items using his thumb and forefinger. He loves to eat "puffs" and can feed them to himself off of his highchair tray.

That's about all that's different from the midmonth update I did a couple weeks ago.

Also, as an FYI, I just figured out how to take video on my digital camera and I may be purchasing a digital camcorder soon, so stay tuned for more videos!

Christmas Morning

Christmas Morning
Originally uploaded by Jenmomma

Just learned how to upload video to Flickr. Not sure how good the quality is on our camera, but it's better than nothing right? This is a clip of Grace's Christmas morning reaction. Priceless.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a clip of Luke crawling as part of his 8 month old update!

Monday

So, I promised to post today, so I am. Not much to say though, just spent a good 2 hours tweaking the blog format. I know it doesn't look much different to you, but now it's much easier for me to change any of the sidebar stuff. Now I need to watch a little football, so I'm not the only one in Ohio tonight that has no idea of the score of the OSU/Texas game.

Happy 2009!

Didn't get to post on the 1st. My parents came in on the 31st and left this morning for our Christmas visit. As always, it was really nice to have them here, but unfortunately this time, we passed around a yucky stomach bug. I think it started with my niece Ashton who was sick on Christmas Day. We went to their house on the 26th for the weekend. When we got back, Grace was sick on Monday morning (vomitted twice and diarreah). She seemed better by the afternoon, but on Wednesday (31st) I felt really icky. I spent the morning nauseous and in the bathroom with other stomach issues. I was zapped of all energy, but still picked up my parents and hung out during the evening (Eric was sleeping all morning and early afternoon after working Tuesday night). New Years Eve we ended up skipping the fondue dinner I planned to make and ordering pizza for everyone else (I couldn't eat). By Thursday, I was feeling better, but we still decided to just hang out at home and we made our fondue dinner. On Friday, we noticed Luke was getting his first tooth! Yay! And we also went to the mall in the morning to get Grace's 4 year pictures taken, then after naps, Grace, Grandma, Grandpa and I, took her to her first movie in the theater (Bolt!). Friday evening Grandpa started feeling a bit sickly. By Saturday morning, Grandpa and Eric were fighting over the bathroom with both kinds of stomach issues. Grandma, me and the kids went to the library in the morning and hung out in the evening. The guys started feeling better towards the end of Saturday night. This morning, I had a headache and was again nauseous and other things, so I had Eric drive my parents back to the airport and when he got back, I spent a couple more hours in bed. Feeling mostly better now, and everyone else is asleep. So, that was our New Year's weekend.

So, onto 2009. I just wanted to post on the 2008 goals and set up 2009.

2009 Goals for the Year
1. Diet - My 2008 goal was to be at 155 at the end of the year (5 pounds above pre-Luke weight). I regularly weigh-in between 154 and 156, so I'd say close enough. So, for 2009. I would like to lose the last 6 pounds, by my 30th birthday (March 1). If I lose 10 by then, I will allow myself a special treat of a facial before going out for my birthday. If I lose 15, I think I deserve a new outfit too! Nothing too crazy, just want to get the rest of the baby weight off.

2. Finances - 2007 we did great and reduced debt by $15,000. 2008 was a bit tougher considering we had another baby and Eric lost his job at the end of July, but in 2008 we still reduced our total debt by $4,245 which is better than an increase. We need Eric to get re-employed full time, but even then, I want to set our 2009 reduction goal at $10,000. Although, pretty much as soon as he's working full time again, we need to get rid of his car and get a more reliable one, so that will increase our debt. Hopefully though, he'll get paid enough that we can hit the reduction HARD and still have a decrease even if we get a new (to us, probably will be buying used) car.

3. Classes - I wanted to take 2 classes after maternity leave. That didn't happen. I haven't taken any since Luke. The main reason was to save money and make sure I was available if Eric took an evening job (after he lost his). However, I've regrouped, changed my plans and decided to go for a Nursing Masters program where after only 3 years I'll be a Nurse Practioner (specializing as a Certified Nurse Midwife). So, the 2009 plan will be to do everything needed to start that program in 2010. Including 4 pre-req classes at Columbus State (first one starts this Saturday), the GRE, applications, transcripts, letters of recommendation, all due by the December 1, 2009 application deadline.

4. Blogging. I really slacked this year. I feel like I missed alot. I am going to make a goal to update once a week. The weekend is too hard, so I'm going to shoot for Monday nights. Eric has to work, so I have the house to myself. I will try to update after I put Grace to bed. Either about the week, about the kids or whatever. I miss keeping a journal of my life. Maybe some of you (if anyone still checks in) miss it to.

Ok, that's all for now, I'll try to be back tomorrow for my first Monday post. Right now I need to do another load of laundry while the house is sleeping and maybe try to start paying the bills for this week.